Cockapalozza 2011: The Decorations

Butt-head(Scoffs) Happiness.

Beavis: Um…you said penis. I just thought I’d tell you that.

Butt-head: I know! Why do you think they call it happiness?

Beavis: Oh yeah! Because when you’re weiner’s happy, you’re happy. –Beavis and Butt-head

Last weekend was Token Gay Guys’ bachelor party. It.was.epic! I’m so glad I was able to go. I will start with a warning for all the gentler readers out there. First let me say there are no pictures of penises. I actually managed to not see a single peepee all weekend, but I did see someone’s goat. More on that later. There will be pictures of cartoon penises so read at your own risk! 😉

My adventure started a day early with a phone call from Tahoe Girl asking if I could pick her up from Bart and take her to her parents house. Match was excited for a little alone time so he didn’t mind that I left a day early. Of course later that night he was already texting me that he missed me. 🙂

We had a relaxed evening watching Parks and Recreation and laughing our asses off. We got up pretty early the next day, jazzed and ready to get to the party. We decided we needed decorations so we went to a sex shop where I quickly took pictures of a rack of sex toys and messaged it to Tahoe Guy. He was at work and told me later just how thrilled he was that I sent that picture. We found some french ticklers that were really cheap, so we decided those had to be favors.

Next stop was Spencers for a Pin the Junk on the Hunk game, some glow in the dark penis straws, and penis shaped balloons. We also stopped by Planned Parenthood and told them we were from a sorority and we were throwing a party and wanted to put out condoms to promote safe sex. The lady looked at us and said,  “What exactly are you planning on doing at this party?” I think she thought we were giant slutskimos. We left laughing our butts off but walked away with at least 40 condoms for $5. We found a party shop that had a make your own banner kit that we had way too much fun with. When we got to the rental house we locked ourselves in one of the guest rooms and made our decorations. We spread out the decorations on the bed and the result was a little overwhelming!

We created condom streamers for the doorways, and displayed the Hunk along with his Junk on one of the walls. The most fun was coming up with phrases using the banner kit. There was a LOT of laughter going on while Token Gay Guy banged on the door asking what the hell we were doing in there.

Here’s the end result.

We decorated Token Gay Guy’s bedroom too.

Token Gay Guy’s reaction was priceless.

More stories of Cockapalozza, aka Peckerfest aka Dong Nights aka Buttbash to come!!

Friday Confessional-Peepees Flying About

Phoebe: Oh my God, it’s all so elegant! When’s the dirty stuff starting?

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee’s flying about.

Rachel: Pheebs, I… there isn’t gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.

Phoebe: Oh, ok. I see what you’re doing, that’s fine. This is all there is, just tea, uh, ok. (she drinks her tea) Hmmmm… raunchy!

Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, it’s not gonna be that kind of a party.

Phoebe: Really? So this is… this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I’m ever gonna have! I’ve got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It’s just tea?

Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I’ll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee’s! -Friends


I confess…


That this is a pre-scheduled post. As you read this I am on my way to a co-ed bachelor party for Token Gay Guys. They are getting married on the 28th and tonight is the big send off.

I confess…

That at first I wasn’t that excited to go because Chandler, who is the best man, wouldn’t give me any details on the party. He was being a total douche Popsicle when it came to info about the weekend. They’ve rented a cabin and we’ve all pitched in a lot of money. I kept asking for details, like what I need to bring in terms of food, and an important detail, WHERE the damn cabin is located. He wouldn’t give me details and I was getting so frustrated.

I confess…

That I contemplated not going. But then after talking with Tahoe Couple and hearing they were dealing with the same things, I felt better. I think Chandler just has a lot on his plate right now, so I am going to cut him some slack. But you can bet your ass I’m going to pick on him when we play drinking games tonight!

I confess…

That I will probably drink too much this weekend, even though I am planning on behaving. I will probably see Token Gay Guy naked and see far too many peepees, and the night will be far more wild than our co-ed bachelor party was.  I will hot tub, river swim if it’s warm enough, play drinking games and act like I’m 7 years younger than I am.

I confess…

That I feel bad that poor Match won’t be able to join me. Instead he has to work 7 days in a row. But at least he’ll get some alone time, and I think he’s secretly excited for a few nights of guy food, watching man shows on tv, and quiet time. I’m excited to get some social time, but I know come Sunday I will be happy to be home!