Missing Close Friendships

Did you ever once show me any friendship? Ever ask my help in a personal problem? Include me in one of your little bull sessions? Can you imagine how it feels to walk by this tent and… (She gasps and breaks down)…hear your laughter and know that I’m not welcome? When did one of you ever even offer me a lousy cup of coffee?! -Margaret, M*A*S*H

Last night I offered to cook dinner for Couple Friends. I had this idea in my head that they would come over to our place and have dinner, maybe play games or just drink wine and talk. Couple Hubby and Match decided they wanted to watch the Nascar race that CH had recorded the day before on his DVR. So dinner got moved to Couple Friends’ house. I thought it would still be a good time, because Couple Wife and I could gab in the kitchen while the men watched sports. I was really looking forward to a girl’s chat, and had been really needing one for the past few weeks. Little did I know that my innocent offer to cook would make me Kitchen Slave while Couple Friends and Match relaxed on the couch watching the race.

I tried not to be bummed, but I couldn’t help feeling left out while they sat there relaxing and I was slaving away in the kitchen. Match even came into the kitchen a few times to give me kisses and ask how I was doing. He could tell I was a bit let down, but he couldn’t fix it. What was I supposed to do? Demand that CW come hang out with me? I knew that would be juvenile. Still, I guess I just hoped that since we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks that she would want to.  I called Coast Sister the next day to tell her about it, because I knew she would understand. We’re a lot alike, and if it had been us having a friend cook in our house, we’d be in the kitchen asking if we could help. In her defense, CW did offer to help, but she did so with a half heartedness that suggested she just wanted to stay where she was. I don’t blame her in a way, it is nice to have someone do all the work, and she’s a new mom, and probably tired most of the time. I can’t pretend to know what that’s like. Still, I couldn’t help being a little let down by the evening.

At work today, I started thinking about how even though Couple Wife is always so friendly, she rarely goes out of her way to invite me to anything. Back in October, both Match and I were both anticipating Halloween invitations to different parties, and hoping to hang out with Couple Friends. As some of my faithful readers know, we were never invited. Then Christmas and New Years came and went without an invitation to the many parties they frequented.  Then there are the few times I’ve asked her to go on walks, or go for a cup of coffee. She does so, but I just wish it was reciprocated sometimes. I know she has a lot of friends, and sometimes I get the feeling she just doesn’t have room for anymore, at least not on a closer level.

I miss my Coast Sister and I’m so grateful she’s available via IMs, texts, and phone calls. Still, it would be so nice if she lived in the same town. I miss Reality Check at times, the old RC who I could talk to and laugh with, or just go on a walk with. I miss Brazil, who is now in total Mommy mode (I know she’ll come around eventually, but let’s face it, she’s a mom, she’s changed). I miss Personality Twin and her crazy stories. Maybe I just need to make a visit out to the East Coast to see CS. If only I had the vacation time! And maybe I just need to give Couple Wife time. Maybe like me she’s been burned by friends so she takes awhile to let someone get close. And maybe like Match said, she just had an off day. All I know is I am going to let her be the one to invite me to do something next. If she never does, well then I guess I have my answer eh?

How about you girls? Do any of you have trouble maintaining close girl friendships? Why does it seem to be harder the older we get?