Friday Confessional-I Need to Get Over Myself

George: I need you to get over yourself. I need you to start liking my wife. I need you to like her because sometimes I don’t and I need you to talk me back into it. You say you’re my friend and that’s the job.
Izzie: Okay.
George: I need to vent, and I need it to be okay.
Izzie: Okay.
George: And I need to vent with alcohol. –Grey’s Anatomy


I confess:

That I was way too selfish last night when Match told me he failed a scenario. I cried for me because I was afraid I’d have to stay at this god awful job.

I confess:

That I did get over myself and comforted Match. I told him I love him no matter what and I’m so proud of him. He gets a chance to retake the test and he WILL pass. We studied his scenarios until we fell asleep.

I confess:

That as much as I talk about the power of positive thinking, I can’t help but have sweaty palms and a fluttery heart today at work. Match is going to call when he’s done and if he passed (he WILL!) I get to turn in my notice. I want to so so badly, as they’ve started making me come into work every day, starting today. They didn’t even give me Friday at home to finish out the week.

I confess:

That no matter what happens I plan on drinking HEAVILY tonight. Chandler and Token Gay Couple are coming to visit. I am so excited to see them!

I confess:

That I am scared. I try to stay positive and upbeat but this is my diary and I have to stay truthful. I’m scared that I won’t be able to quit. I’m nervous about quitting if I can. I’m scared that Match will pass and it will forever change our lives. I’m scared that he won’t. I’m scared of so many things right now that I can barely focus on anything, much less getting through this work day.

I confess:

That in the grand scheme of things, these problems are all small potatoes. They are nothing compared with what most people deal with in the world, especially in Japan right now. So I will put on my big girl shoes and suck it up. But I just needed that minute to be selfish. Thanks for listening.

Trying to Find My Routine

Peace isn’t a permanent state. It exists in moments. Fleeting. Gone before we knew it was there. We can experience it at any time, in a stranger’s act of kindness, a task that requires complete focus or simply the comfort of an old routine. Everyday we all experience these moments of peace. The trick is to know when they’re happening so that we can embrace them, live in them. –Grey’s Anatomy

This week I feel like I’m running on auto pilot. Now that we’ve moved further from work I now have to get up at 545AM instead of 630. I know it’s not that much earlier, but a before 6AM wakeup time just isn’t natural. I shouldn’t complain because Match will be having to get up around 4 something to get ready for academy starting next week.

I’m still getting used to the house so inevitably I run into the walls or trip over things as I get ready in the dark while trying not to wake up Match. That’s going to be one positive about him starting academy so early-he’ll be up before me so I won’t have to tiptoe in the dark.

The commute time has gone from about 20 minutes each way to almost an hour. The good news is I love me some books on CD so I catch up on my “reading” while I cuss out the driver who cut me off. I have a sailor’s mouth in traffic, I just can’t help it!

When I get home, I have been immediately tackling the daunting task that is unpacking. We gained a house and some square footage but we also lost a lot of closet storage. We used to have a walk in closet at the duplex (sigh, how I miss thee!) and now we just have two standard closets, one in each room. We have more garage space so if I get creative I’m sure I’ll come up with a storage technique for Match’s 80 million grandpa sweaters. Seriously, that boy has a LOT of sweaters. You’re sure to see pictures of them when winter approaches. I love them, but I also love to tease Match when he wears them. They’re knit and he really does kind of look like a grandpa in them. 😉
His uniforms are also taking up half of the spare room closet which is prime real estate.

While I’m in my unpacking frenzy, Match has been playing the dutiful house husband and making me dinner every night. I’m really going to miss that when he starts academy next week!! Not only does he cook for me most of the time, but he does it really well. I love to cook the fancy meals but I’m terrible with the day to day stuff. I get in a food rut and just cook the same thing every night.

I can’t wait to be done unpacking and back to a sense of some routine. I haven’t worked out in weeks and it’s driving me crazy. A combination of the move, the daily commute and this awful heat wave we’re having has drained me of any exercise motivation. I’m hoping to find it again soon because the holiday season is sneaking up on us. Speaking of the holidays, I’m so excited for Halloween. We’re in a prime neighborhood for trick or treaters. I’m trying to decide what I want to do for Halloween and I’m not sure if Match will even be around. I plan to dress up even if it’s just to pass out candy. Do any of you know what you’re going to be for Halloween? Are you starting to get back into the fall routine or are you struggling to find your rhythm like me?

The Day I Married My Match, Part 1

Today is the day my life begins. All my life I’ve been just me, just a smart-mouthed kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you, to our future, to all the possibilities our marriage has to offer. Together no matter what happens, I’ll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life. To take on love. –Alex, Grey’s Anatomy

So there I was, getting laced up into my wedding gown. My hair and makeup were perfect and it was all coming together. My acne remedies had worked and my skin was flawless, yay.

I was managing to keep my cool and keep from crying. Then my mom walked in and saw me for the first time.

She couldn’t help but cry and then both of us were weeping happy tears. Then my aunties and cousin stopped in for a peek and some pictures. Then the rest of my girlfriends came in for hugs all around.

Family pictures were next and there was the mad shuffle to make sure Match wasn’t looking as I emerged from the bridal room. My brother and little nephew both gasped when they saw me, which was adorable. My nephew kept pointing at me the rest of the day and yelling, “PRETTY!” He is so precious.

Before I knew it all my girlfriends were leaving so they could head down to the ceremony site. Pretty soon it was just me and my Pops. I started to feel those butterflies like I used to in track before a big race. My Pops was my coach, and just like he did back then, he calmed me down. Told me to relax and breathe and everything would be ok.

Then we were walking down the aisle. Pops whispered, “Is this an ok pace, should we walk slower?” I looked at him and whispered, “Can I run?”

And then it was tunnel vision. I remember seeing Match and his sis Travel Girl at the end of the aisle. I remember vaguely hearing the guitar strings as my cousin played.  I remember shaking with excitement/nerves.

And then I was standing in front of Match, and I was holding his hands. Tears were streaming down my face and I was grinning from ear to ear and so was he.

I didn’t notice all of the people. I didn’t notice how beautiful the ceremony site was. I just saw him, my Match.

I read my vows with a shaking voice and barely made it through. At the end I forgot to read the last line and just said,  “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” and everyone laughed. You could hear the whole audience sniffing (I didn’t notice until watching the video later).

Then it was Match’s turn, and his vows blew me away. I still tear up when I read them:

First Things First. WOW!  You look beautiful today And I just want to express to you how privileged I feel to able to stand before you today and express my love. Asking you to marry me was definitely  the  smartest decision I have ever made. I am going to try very hard not to cry, but if I do…bare with me.

You are the most important person in my life. I could not love another person more than I love you. From the day we first met I have been falling madly in love with you over and over again.

Not a single moment passes where I question our love for each other and our dedication to the friendship we have created.

Life makes sense with you and I could not even start to imagine a life without you in it.

We have many adventures to share together like our first house and our first child and I cannot even begin to tell you how good it feels to know you are the one I will be experiencing the rest of my life with.

There is not a thought in the world that makes me smile more than knowing that when I go to bed tonight I will not be just staring into the eyes of my wife, but the eyes of the love of my life.

Then we exchanged rings and Travel Girl had us repeat our vows that we wrote together:

I take you Date Girl/Match to be my wife/husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust, honor and respect you. I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live.

Match laughs a lot when he’s nervous and after his initial tears when reading his personal vows, he couldn’t stop laughing when repeating after his sister. There was one part where she read him off a huge line to repeat and he said, “Can you dumb it down a shade?” and we were cracking up. I love that it was captured on camera because it was so us in that moment. We all needed a laugh after the weeping too.

And then she was pronouncing us husband and wife, and everyone was cheering and Match was kissing me and it was all so surreal, so absolutely perfect.

All photographs were by Owen Kahn, Owen Kahn Photography

Birthday Twin and the In Laws

The truth is hard. The truth is awkward, and very often, the truth hurts. I mean, people think they want the truth, but do they really? -Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

This weekend as a Mother’s Day gift I took my Future In Laws to the Spring Release Party Birthday Twin’s winery was throwing. My Future MIL loves wine and BT’s family makes great tasting wines so it was the perfect gift. Unfortunately because of his schedule, once again Match had to miss out on all the fun. I didn’t mention my history with Birthday Twin because I felt like it was something the future in laws just didn’t need to know. This proved to provide for a rather awkward yet funny conversation later that day. Continue reading Birthday Twin and the In Laws

Drunken Chess and a Sleepy Sunday

Cristina:[to Meredith about Marlow] I need to force him into the defensive…Take his queen. [Meredith gives her a skeptical look] You’ve never played chess?
Meredith: I’m not a geek!
Cristina: I’ve gotta crush him. Annihilate him at his own game. –Grey’s Anatomy

Sorry for my lack of posting, but it has been a hectic week. You know those weeks where work is busy and then you have plans every night? That’s been my life this week. Last weekend was full of activity and this weekend is looking the same. So much for those bored and lonely nights! Last Saturday was by far the most interesting of nights, that involved a run in with Birthday Twin and a drunken game of chess played until 6am. Continue reading Drunken Chess and a Sleepy Sunday