Friday Confessional-Carmel Bound and Bathroom Sex

Robin: When PJ had a job, he was sexy. He was guardian of the bathroom key. A hot guy telling you when you can and can’t pee? That’s the dream.
Ted: [incredulous] That’s the dream? The dream?!?!?! Like what Martin Luther King was talking about?? –How I Met Your Mother

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I confess…

That I quit my volunteer gig at the crisis nursery. I feel bad about it but it just wasn’t a good fit for me. I was physically dreading going, to the point where my body felt sick and sluggish. The minute I emailed the coordinator telling her it wasn’t going to work out, I felt a weight lift off my chest. Shouldn’t volunteering feel rewarding? A big part of my reason for quitting was the staff and how they made me feel.

Another part was just the nature of the job. It was a lot of stress and responsibilities to deal with and now just isn’t  a good time. I think if I were like the other volunteers and had already raised children of my own, or had a lot of experience dealing with kids, then it would be another story. I did really love playing with the kids for the most part, and I’m still on the lookout for something in the future that involves working with kids. Maybe just not kids in crisis, but more of a nursery or after school program instead. Somewhere they would train me properly. I’d also like something in the town we are moving to when we buy a house. This volunteer job would have been a huge trek and cost us a lot in gas and bridge toll when we move.

I confess…

That our lives are also going to be consumed with buying a home. I know that once we close, I’m going to spend all of my spare time fixing up the house and making it our own. I cannot wait to become homeowners!

I confess…

That we put an offer in on a home on Sunday and we’re still waiting to hear back. I’m trying not to lose hope but it’s not looking good guys. I don’t even want to post pictures of it because it’ll bum me out. It’s sooo pretty.

I confess…

That I’m so so excited for our annual trip to Carmel. We are leaving just as soon as Match gets home from work today. I’m driving us so he can sleep and try to get on a normal day schedule. It will be so nice to walk the beaches with Match and Monkey. To get up in the morning and get coffee and donuts for the fam. To drink gin and tonics and watch the waves crash on the sand.

I confess…

That the only thing I’m dreading is having to sleep in the living room. This year Match’s sister, Travel Girl and her boyfriend will be joining us. It’s the first time we’re meeting him, and it’s the first time I’ve vacationed anywhere with her. Since she hasn’t been to Carmel in so long, and they are staying longer than we are, Match’s parents are giving them the guest room. This leaves us, the married couple, to the living room.

I confess…

That Match and I both think this is bullshit. BUT the in-laws are paying for the vacation rental, and a lot of the food for the weekend, and I really shouldn’t complain. I’m so grateful because otherwise we’d have to take out a check city payday advance loans. We are guests of theirs and we will have fun no matter where we have to sleep. They just might have to deal with us locking ourselves in the bathroom for a little vacation nookie. Hey, that’s what happens when you don’t give the newlywed couple who haven’t had a lot of time together lately the bedroom! 😉

I confess…

It wouldn’t be the first time Match and I have done it in the bathroom of a parent’s house. We are so bad! Where’s the craziest place you’ve done it? Come on spill! Confession is good for the soul!

 

Friday Confessional-It’s Been One Hell of a Week

Luke: I’m just having a bad day.
Lorelai: Zzz.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Days. You’ve been stomping around, barking at people for days.
Luke: I have not.
Lorelai: Yes, Cujo, you have.-Gilmore Girls

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I confess…

That I’m so glad it’s Friday. It’s been one hell of a week and I haven’t been sleeping much. When I don’t get enough sleep I can be a little bit snappy.

I confess…

that the house hunt is already frustrating me. I know it’s supposed to be exciting but it’s also a big giant commitment so it makes me all nervous and fretful. This could be why I haven’t been sleeping.

Then we met with our Realtor on Tuesday and she was a total biatch. It was our first meeting and she didn’t even bother to shake my hand or Match’s. She was rude and short with us and acted as if she were doing us a favor by showing us homes. She even told us she has a day job and then asked if we could schedule viewings around her schedule. I went home that night, emailed her and fired that bitch. BOOM.

I confess…

That Match isn’t making the house hunt any easier by suggesting multiple towns to look in. Finding a home in one town is hard enough, but now we’re branching our search to two…and they are in completely different places. In different counties. My head hurts.

I confess…

That after our meeting with BitchFace Realtor we went to Sassy Couple’s house where Sassy Guy got Match drunk on the drink Skinny Bitch. It’s some weird diet drink that is basically all vodka. This was actually really funny to watch. We played outdoor bean bags (sort of like horse shoes) for hours and it looked a little something like this when the boys would beat us:

It then ended with Match in the fetus position on our bathroom floor. The next morning he told me he was very grateful for my housekeeping prowess and the fact that he knew he was puking into a clean toilet. At least he can see the silver lining!

I confess…

That Thursday I got lost while running errands and spent an hour driving around wasting gas. It was one of those days I really wished I had a smartphone so I could just GPS my way out of there.

I confess…

That I called Match and told him so. He just laughed at my ability to get myself as lost as I had. “How did you end up two towns away?!” Then I hit every red light when I finally did find my way back. And all of the crazy drivers were on the road, and I almost got side swipped twice! Luckily I made it home in one piece.

I confess…

That I almost lost it in the grocery store later that day. The express lane is for FAST people Miss WhotheFStillWritesACheckTheseDays! And she had the nerve to ask for help out with her one bag of groceries. She was not elderly. She was in excellent shape, just whiney. I wanted to punch her. The girl in front of her forgot her pin number and smelled like stale cigars. At least the checker was nice!

I confess…

That the only good part about yesterday was my volunteer interview. I applied to be a volunteer at a crisis nursery. It’s a place where families in need can bring their little ones, ages 0-5 years. The family has to be in real crisis: newly homeless, domestic violence, and so on. My job as a volunteer would be to simply play with the kids and make their time enjoyable. The nursery is their happy place and it would be my job to help them forget what’s going on in their lives and just be a buddy. I cannot wait to start.

I confess…

That after this crazy week I’m SO ready for Geeky’s Bachelorette party this weekend. A little escape and a night out with the woo girls is exactly what I need!

Friday Confessional-Taking a Sick Day from Partying

Ted: That’s why I have this list, so I never make the mistake of thinking I could still pull an all-nighter.
Marshall: I’m too old for that stuff.
Ted: Or eat an entire pizza in one sitting.
Marshall: I’m too old for that stuff.
Ted: Or hang posters on your wall without frames.
Marshall: Wait. Wait! I’m too old for that stuff. By the way, how good is Lethal Weapon? –How I Met Your Mother

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I confess…

That I’m a terrible, terrible friend. I flaked out on Tomboy and her boyfriend’s going away party. I lied and told Tahoe Couple and Tomboy that I was sick and couldn’t make it to the festivities. Me miss out on a party? Cue Gasp!

I confess…

That I’m not really sick. I’m just sick of partying. This summer has felt like one big drunk fest and I just didn’t have another party in me. Plus this wasn’t just a party, this was going to be two nights in Santa Cruz,  where there would be tons of repetitive drinking games, lots of bad tasting cheap beer, and inevitably me sleeping  on an uncomfortable couch.

I confess…

In the words of Murtagh, I’m too old for that shit. Every once in awhile sleeping on a couch (or maybe passing out on the dog bed) is all fine and dandy. But I’m not in college anymore. When I party with friends, I would like to be able to sleep in a comfortable guest bed, or get a DD to drive me home to sleep in my own bed. I am also pretty over these parties with the same drinking games over and over again. I love our group, but just once could we have a party where we all just hang out and talk? Or maybe play a game like taboo or something, where drinking just happens naturally, instead of as a part of the game?

I confess…

That I’m also semi-dreading Geeky’s bachelorette next weekend. I know it will be fun, but it is another night where drinking will be #1 on the menu. At least she changed the venue and instead of a weekend in Tahoe, now it’s just one night at a country bar. It’s a place I’ve never been and I’ve heard it’s a blast. We’re also going in style, renting a limo, drinking champagne, the works. And Geeky has a really comfy guestroom and breakfast planned for the next day. On second thought, maybe I’m not dreading it so much. 😉

I confess…

That I’m getting to that age where I’m ready for a different kind of party. I love hanging out with Sassy Couple and their friends, dancing with the kids and singing karaoke with Sassy’s little girl. We sip on some wine, maybe play some lawn bean bags, and cuddle their babies. It’s a very mellow kind of partying.

I confess…

That I will miss Tomboy and her man. Hopefully Match and I can make a trip up to Oregon to visit them. I think we’d have a lot more fun hanging out with just the two of them. I think they’re kind of over the wild partying too, but feel obligated to the rest of the group to throw one last big party.

I confess…

That even though I can be the life of the party, I’m definitely a homebody at heart. I can’t wait to curl up on the couch tonight in my pj-jays, with a glass of wine, a dvd and maybe some chocolate chips and strawberries. Sounds like the perfect remedy for my “sickness” to me.

Friday Confessional-Peepees Flying About

Phoebe: Oh my God, it’s all so elegant! When’s the dirty stuff starting?

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee’s flying about.

Rachel: Pheebs, I… there isn’t gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.

Phoebe: Oh, ok. I see what you’re doing, that’s fine. This is all there is, just tea, uh, ok. (she drinks her tea) Hmmmm… raunchy!

Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, it’s not gonna be that kind of a party.

Phoebe: Really? So this is… this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I’m ever gonna have! I’ve got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It’s just tea?

Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I’ll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee’s! -Friends

 

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I confess…

 

That this is a pre-scheduled post. As you read this I am on my way to a co-ed bachelor party for Token Gay Guys. They are getting married on the 28th and tonight is the big send off.

I confess…

That at first I wasn’t that excited to go because Chandler, who is the best man, wouldn’t give me any details on the party. He was being a total douche Popsicle when it came to info about the weekend. They’ve rented a cabin and we’ve all pitched in a lot of money. I kept asking for details, like what I need to bring in terms of food, and an important detail, WHERE the damn cabin is located. He wouldn’t give me details and I was getting so frustrated.

I confess…

That I contemplated not going. But then after talking with Tahoe Couple and hearing they were dealing with the same things, I felt better. I think Chandler just has a lot on his plate right now, so I am going to cut him some slack. But you can bet your ass I’m going to pick on him when we play drinking games tonight!

I confess…

That I will probably drink too much this weekend, even though I am planning on behaving. I will probably see Token Gay Guy naked and see far too many peepees, and the night will be far more wild than our co-ed bachelor party was.  I will hot tub, river swim if it’s warm enough, play drinking games and act like I’m 7 years younger than I am.

I confess…

That I feel bad that poor Match won’t be able to join me. Instead he has to work 7 days in a row. But at least he’ll get some alone time, and I think he’s secretly excited for a few nights of guy food, watching man shows on tv, and quiet time. I’m excited to get some social time, but I know come Sunday I will be happy to be home!

 

Friday Confessional-Playing Hooky

Haven’t you ever played hooky before, Lois? – Clark, Lois and Clark

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It’s finally Friday and time for my weekly confessions.

I confess…

That I left work at 11:30am yesterday “sick” and took the rest of the day off. My receptionist was in on it and totally played up my sickness and loudly said I should “take my germs and go home so you won’t infect the rest of us.” Followed by a wink and a whispered, “have fun!” as I left.

I confess…

That I’m calling in sick again today. What are they going to do? FIRE ME?! In the 4 years that I was there, I rarely used my sick days. So I’m doing it.

I confess…

That while I have the day off I still can’t seem to just relax. I have a bunch of things to cross off the to-do list including: scrubbing the tub, walking Monkey, working out, getting the oil changed, tires rotated, sending a package at the post office, working on my Grandma’s 75th birthday slideshow, buying wedding gifts for Token Gay Couple and Geeky and her Fireman, buy Match some don tomas cigars online for graduation, and going dress shopping for graduation.

I confess…

That I find most of the things on my to do list fun. I’m such a weirdo.

I confess…

That I am over the moon excited about date night tonight. Match and I are finally going on that date in San Francisco. We’re taking the metro so we don’t have to drive at all and we can both drink and be CRAZY. We’re starting off with sushi and then we may bar hop or try to find a comedy club.

I confess…

That I also plan on being far too handsy in public with my hubby. I blame it on academy. Three words for you: Wash.Board.Abs. Mama like!

What do you have to confess this week?