Ted: That’s why I have this list, so I never make the mistake of thinking I could still pull an all-nighter.
Marshall: I’m too old for that stuff.
Ted: Or eat an entire pizza in one sitting.
Marshall: I’m too old for that stuff.
Ted: Or hang posters on your wall without frames.
Marshall: Wait. Wait! I’m too old for that stuff. By the way, how good is Lethal Weapon? -How I Met Your Mother

I confess…

That I’m a terrible, terrible friend. I flaked out on Tomboy and her boyfriend’s going away party. I lied and told Tahoe Couple and Tomboy that I was sick and couldn’t make it to the festivities. Me miss out on a party? Cue Gasp!

I confess…

That I’m not really sick. I’m just sick of partying. This summer has felt like one big drunk fest and I just didn’t have another party in me. Plus this wasn’t just a party, this was going to be two nights in Santa Cruz,  where there would be tons of repetitive drinking games, lots of bad tasting cheap beer, and inevitably me sleeping  on an uncomfortable couch.

I confess…

In the words of Murtagh, I’m too old for that shit. Every once in awhile sleeping on a couch (or maybe passing out on the dog bed) is all fine and dandy. But I’m not in college anymore. When I party with friends, I would like to be able to sleep in a comfortable guest bed, or get a DD to drive me home to sleep in my own bed. I am also pretty over these parties with the same drinking games over and over again. I love our group, but just once could we have a party where we all just hang out and talk? Or maybe play a game like taboo or something, where drinking just happens naturally, instead of as a part of the game?

I confess…

That I’m also semi-dreading Geeky’s bachelorette next weekend. I know it will be fun, but it is another night where drinking will be #1 on the menu. At least she changed the venue and instead of a weekend in Tahoe, now it’s just one night at a country bar. It’s a place I’ve never been and I’ve heard it’s a blast. We’re also going in style, renting a limo, drinking champagne, the works. And Geeky has a really comfy guestroom and breakfast planned for the next day. On second thought, maybe I’m not dreading it so much.

I confess…

That I’m getting to that age where I’m ready for a different kind of party. I love hanging out with Sassy Couple and their friends, dancing with the kids and singing karaoke with Sassy’s little girl. We sip on some wine, maybe play some lawn bean bags, and cuddle their babies. It’s a very mellow kind of partying.

I confess…

That I will miss Tomboy and her man. Hopefully Match and I can make a trip up to Oregon to visit them. I think we’d have a lot more fun hanging out with just the two of them. I think they’re kind of over the wild partying too, but feel obligated to the rest of the group to throw one last big party.

I confess…

That even though I can be the life of the party, I’m definitely a homebody at heart. I can’t wait to curl up on the couch tonight in my pj-jays, with a glass of wine, a dvd and maybe some chocolate chips and strawberries. Sounds like the perfect remedy for my “sickness” to me.

The point is you can’t trust graduation goggles. They are just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles and that’s just a bulky outdated cell phone in his front pocket goggles. -Robin, How I Met Your Mother

Ok, I didn’t get the pictures from Tahoe Girl yet but it’s been killing me to not write in order. So I will post the few pictures that I have, and give you the blurry details I remember from Token Gay Guys’ bachelor party.

First off, the rental house itself was incredible. I was not expecting anything fancy, but I’m telling you, I wish I could have bought this house and everything in it. I would have decorated it almost exactly the same as they did. I can see why the weekend was so expensive. Oh, and everyone insisted I stay both nights, and didn’t make me pay extra. They were all so sweet!

Garage converted into a game room.

All of the bathrooms had beautiful tile and upgraded fixtures. Seriously, don’t you want to buy this house?

This is the room I stayed in, in the attic. It was the kid’s room and sort of perfect for a shorty like me. I stayed there with the other people who came without their couple, Chandler, Chandler’s Bro, and our one single friend, Shoe Guy (he designs women’s shoes and is surprisingly not gay).

Here’s a picture of the backyard and pool area. Oh, and the guy with the really great pecks and abs. He looked like he took hgh supplements or something. He was a total tool though and had the personality of a dull pencil. Still, none of us complained that he wandered around with his shirt off half the weekend.

The place also came with a ping pong table and many games of beer pong and flip cup were played.

I’m so gangsta when I play beer pong.

We played pictionary the first night. Playing on the giant erase board is so much cooler than hunching over a notepad. There were lots of shouts and laughs at how badly drunken people draw.

And then there was the Man of the Year. He was the blow up doll that someone brought. Complete with raging erection. He ended up in most of the pictures. His face was super creepy and he looked nothing like the gorgeous model on the box that said “Man of the Year”. We nicknamed him Frank or Pete I think.

The decorations got worn and passed around for the whole party. Everywhere you looked there was a penis balloon or cartoon penis sticking out from somewhere.

Tomboy brought penis cake pans and had the brilliant idea to bake penis cakes…after we’d been drinking. She has no domestic skills (self admitted) and while I do, apparently they disappear after drinking copious amounts of alcohol. So I forgot to tell her to only fill the pans halfway. We had runny penis cake batter EVERYWHERE. I don’t have pictures of it, but it was hilarious. Of course when I told one of the other girls that normally I’m a good cook, she just looked at me and said, “Sure you are.” I really wanted to whip her up some tasty cake from scratch just to prove my point, but instead I went back to drinking.

Barney: That’s the whole point of getting drunk. You do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober.
Lily: Says every girl you’ve ever slept with. -How I Met Your Mother

The trip to Santa Cruz for Tomboy’s birthday was a hard earned break for both me and Match. Match got a chance to get a lot of studying done and some alone time, and I got to de-stress and get in some much needed people time. Of course I missed him but I also love being half a couple that can do things separately and still remain close. When I walked into the house with Tomboy, she introduced me to everyone as Match’s new wife. I still get a little thrill whenever someone says that. His wife!

I met a bunch of Match’s old friends from college and Toke Gay Guys were there too. We cracked up over funny stories of Match’s younger acne skincare days. We flipped through photo albums where I got to see a glimpse of the younger, carefree and just a bit wild Match. My favorite had to be the picture of him in his boxers, shirtless, with a box over his head with a smiley face drawn on and a cartoon bubble that said, “Wanna see my rod?” This was I think the first week of freshman year. What a goofball! I seriously need to steal a copy of that photo for blackmail purposes later.

Tomboy and I got a nice visit in while looking through the photo albums. She opened up to me a bit about her boyfriend and I feel like we had one of those quality friendship bonding moments. I am so glad I’ve gotten to know her. She really is a cool chic and I told her so.

I also connected with the Santa Cruz crew as we crowded around the living room rooting for our beloved Giants. I’m not one to watch a lot of sports on TV but when it’s the home team it’s pretty exciting. After the game we headed outside where there was an outdoor fire pit. It was finally a chilly fall night and the fire pit was perfect. We played this really fun game where you clap the same beat as we will rock you, so it’s clap clap on your thighs twice followed by a hand clap. You picturing it? Then on the hand clap, everyone picks an animal hand gesture. So say you’re an alligator, you’d do two hands chomping, or a cat you could do the kitty claws, you get the idea. Then you go around the circle and when it’s your turn, you do your animal and then someone else’s, but it has to be on the beat. Clap clap animal. When you’re drinking it gets confusing fast. I think this could be a great game to play even sober with family. Of course in college they’d play it with suggestive sexual gestures.

After the animal game we played our favorite, flip cup. I was on the winning team with Tomboy and not to brag, but we pretty much rock at flip cup. After every round that we won (best out of 3) we’d gather in a group huddle stomping the ground and screaming, “Olay, olay olay olay!” and then collapsing into a giggling fit. I ended up passing out pretty early because I just can’t stay up and drink all night like I used to.

I had a great time but the next morning I was excited to get home and see Match. He missed me too but appreciated the quiet time to himself. One bonus to spending a night apart is that he was all kinds of cuddly when I came home. We had a quiet Sunday night at home curled up on the couch watching episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Match was cracking up as I regaled all of the stories of the night before. I loved getting my friend time in, and hopefully next time I’ll be able to bring Match the former party animal with me!

Christine: Ritchie, we have talked about this. You’re eight years old. We live in Los Angeles. You have to learn how to swim.

Ritchie: Why?

Christine: Because, honey, you can’t keep going to pool parties telling people you’re having your period. -New Adventures of Old Christine

Match got over his man period (yay!) with some gentle prodding from me, and also with news that the sheriff’s department wants him to come tour the jail at the beginning of next month. I’d say this is a step in the right direction! Saturday was Tahoe Couple’s Pool Party and I’m still recovering.

The day started out relaxing enough. I was kicking back with a margarita, so cozy on the giant air mattress. Note how tan my arms are compared to my legs. I’ve got severe driver’s arms!

Then along came Chandler, Tahoe Guy and Token Gay Guy to ruin my fun. You can’t tell in this picture, but I have a massive pout on my face. Yes, Token is totally licking Tahoe’s nipple. Hehe.

Where’s DG? Oh yes, they threw a raft on top of me. I’m semi claustrophobic. This did not go over well.

Then the boys took over and lounged on the air mattress. Are they not adorable?

Then of course the boys had to have a belly flop contest. I swear you’d think these boys were in high school, not in their mid twenties!

Match was finally able to join the party around 5. By this time he informs me I was “completely trashed”. He said he had to fight me off from hugging him before he could change into his swim trunks. Then he played catch up

Match had to leave later on for work. I kissed him and the group started teasing us. They said I kissed him like he was heading off to war.

The rest of the night is a blur of playing drinking games, then singing at the top of my lungs during a Rock Band jam sess, followed by passing out on Tahoe Girl at midnight. I woke up suffering from some back and joint pain that could only mean a day in the pool and a lot of drinking.

Baker Chic invited me over Sunday morning for crepes which were just what the hangover doctor ordered. I spent the rest of the day being incredibly lazy. I even crawled into bed and napped with Match while he slept off his night shift. I had a great night out, but I am definitely exhausted. I think if we hang out for another pool party next week, I’m just going to stick to water!

Rachel: [answering the phone] Hello? Vegas? Yes, we would like some more alcohol. And you know, we would like some more beers, too… hello? Oh, wait… I forgot to dial!

[There is a knock at the door.]

Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers! -Friends

Saturday was Match and Chandler’s joint birthday party. It turned out to be such a blast! Where do I start with the shenanigans that was the party. At first, we just had a few people trickle in, starting with LAX Guy and Baker Chick. We got a chance to visit with them before Match’s cousin showed up as a surprise that I had planned. Match was so excited because he didn’t even know his cousin was in town.

Then after about ten minutes, people just started pouring in. All of a sudden I was in full hostess mode, making pizzas, getting drinks for people, and loving every minute of it. Have I mentioned how much I love hosting parties? (more…)