Punch to the Emotional Gut

Samantha: Well, let’s just say it: you won.
Carrie: Was there a contest?
Samantha: Oh please! There’s always a contest with an ex. It’s called “who will die miserable.” –Sex and the City

I swear that the exes in our lives have a special kind of radar. They know when we’re happy, and some sort of alarm goes off in their heads, and they turn up, they call, they come back into the picture just when we we started to settle into happiness.

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He Takes My Breath Away

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it.Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

Last night Match Guy once again managed to take my breath away. It started out with dinner at this beautiful Thai restaurant where we shared appetizers and two main dishes. The whole time we talked and ate I couldn’t get over how comfortable I was. After dinner we went to the beach, and he was all prepared. He had blankets and extra jackets and he even brought a bottle of champagne. We found a little makeshift shelter made out of driftwood and we set up our camp. It felt like something out of a movie, sitting there in with the waves crashing, sipping champagne with this gorgeous man next to me. We traded stories about our past, our friends, our hopes and dreams. The whole time I sat there with this dumb grin on my face, just hoping I wouldn’t wake up from what had to be a dream.

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That Right Person for a First Kiss

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can’t cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don’t want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it’s everything.-Alex, Grey’s Anatomy

I’ve known for some time now that I had to stop what was going on with Birthday Twin. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t enough, and most importantly, I deserve more! Someone who calls me because they’re thinking of me, someone who wants to share their life with me, not just a bed once a week, or sporadically. So I was talking with a girlfriend of mine that I grew up with, who is now living back east and just got her PH.D. She’s amazingly successful and fiercely independent. I call her Miss PHD because she is so driven, even if she didn’t have her doctorate I would call her that. She is always single and seems to never fall all doe-eyed over any man. So you can imagine my surprise when she tells me she’s met someone, and he’s amazing. I said, “Amazing huh? That’s a new adjective for you. So where did you meet this dream guy?” Then she says, well I’m sort of embarrassed, but Match.com. I couldn’t believe it! I’ve thought about signing up, but I always thought it was for 30 somethings, not us mid to early 20s people. I don’t think there is anything wrong with online dating, I just never really thought it would work out for someone like me. Yet here PHD was, and I could hear her smile through the phone. She was gushing, and she never gushes. She was saying how horrible the meat market of bars can be, and how you just have put yourself out there, and say, ok fate, do your thing. I got online and talked to Mama Drama about it. She had suggested awhile back that I should sign up but I always declined. She pointed out that people on Match.com are usually ready for a relationship, and that I really didn’t have anything to lose. She had me convinced so I signed up on Sunday.

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Training My Emotions

We all have emotional boundaries that we set for ourselves but, all too often, we cross them. With authority and repetition, we can train animals to think and act a certain way. What about when it comes to ourselves? Can we train our emotions to sit and stay?-Marin, Men in Trees

Sunday made it exactly one week since I had last spoken to Birthday Twin. One week with not so much as a drunk dial or a text message. I was proud of myself for staying strong and waiting for him. The last time we talked, he told me that when he gets his anxiety attacks he withdraws from everyone, and that it isn’t personal. He said that when I don’t hear from him to please not be upset, and it has nothing to do with me. That doesn’t stop me from being so frustrated I could scream. It doesn’t stop me from missing him when he’s gone.

I went to church alone Sunday morning, it was only my second time going. I felt that familiar empty feeling when I watched as the couples came in, two by two. I had so much fun with BT being there last week and it really bugged me that I cared so much. I hate it when I start getting down about being alone when there are so many great things about being single. I love my independence, my freedom to do whatever I want for the day. Still, as I sat there I looked at couples holding hands, or husbands absentmindedly rubbing their wives necks while the preacher talked and I just couldn’t help thinking, I want that. I have this fabulous life, and I just want someone to share it with. I don’t think that’s much to ask. I don’t need a boyfriend, I just want one.

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Refuse to Settle for less than Butterflies

When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies…-Carrie, Sex and the City

I haven’t posted in a week because most of this week I didn’t have much to tell. I was beginning to think that I would have to be like Carrie on Sex and the City when she goes through her dry spell and write about socks. Yikes!

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