That Safe Feeling

And it’s not about the sex. It’s not… about the sex. It’s about that moment afterward… when the world stops. It just feels so safe, so safe. I’m not ready to give that up.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

My anxiety was getting worse the longer the Potential Guy went without contacting me. I know it’s kind of lame, but I think most girls out there can agree with me that post coitus we need to hear something from the guy. I mean, he could have at least texted me that he was busy, just…something. So there I was filled with self doubt and stressing. Then Birthday Twin called me and said a few words that always cheer me up: “Are you coming over or what?”

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Birthday Twin to the Rescue

Friendship between a man and a woman is complicated, especially if they’ve shared something more. There are times when love can be stronger and even more rewarding if it’s built on the foundation of a really great friendship. But wherever it’s headed, wherever it’s been, being just friends doesn’t have to mean settling for something less. Sometimes it can be the brass ring afterall.-Marin, Men in Trees

So after spending a wonderful Saturday and some of Sunday together with the Potential Guy, I met up with one of my best girlfriends, who I like to call my Reality Check because she always gives me the pessimistic, non-rose colored version of what is going on in my life. I told her the story of what happened with PG, and she said that he is just getting the best of both worlds, and he is in no way accountable. It was as if she took my happy little bubble and stabbed it with an industrial sized needle. I came home and started to really think, and overthink. I started to worry about all the promises I’d made to myself about being single and happy. I worried about falling for PG and about getting hurt. I worried that she was completely right and that he was just having his cake and eating it too. And in this mist of all this worry, I started to get anxious. For the first time in months, I started having a mini panic attack. It was minor, but I knew it was one of those nights I just couldn’t be alone. So I called the first person I thought of, the person who would know exactly what I was going through, Birthday Twin.

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Conversational Amnesia

Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high.-Carrie, Sex and the City

Last night I hung out with PG on what was supposed to be a non-date. We were going to get together and make dinner and just hang out as friends. It started out innocently enough. He looked great as always, so that was tough to deal with, but I put it out of my head. We were supposed to cook dinner together, but I decided to use this new friendship roll to my advantage.

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My Man Me

Elliot: Problem is that we already know that we don’t work as a couple.
J.D.: Oh, we’re a train wreck.
Elliot: So we can’t keep doing this.
J.D.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hello, and whoa!
Elliot: J.D., it’s just sex.
J.D.: Look, Elliot, we’re adults. I don’t think we have to apologize for enjoying what we’re doing.
J.D.’s Narration: And that’s when she said the words every man is dying to hear.
Elliot: I guess we could just be sex buddies.
J.D.: If you want..

Scrubs

Last night I was kind of bummed out about the whole PG thing. I mean, I’m glad he’s so upfront with me. At the same time I am disappointed, and a pick me up was more than necessary. Birthday Twin came through for me, and we had a great night together hanging out and cheering each other up. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I’ve had a history of stress issues, including stomach troubles and panic attacks. I’ve been fortune enough to learn how control some of the anxiety, and my stress management has been much better. Well one of the things Birthday Twin and I have in common is anxiety and worry. He came to me last night after being plagued with panic attacks all day. I felt so bad for him, and it was nice that I was able to be there. I like that he can come to me because he knows I’ve been through it.

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Every Relationship is an Experiment

The good news and bad news about chemistry is that we’ll never fully understand how it works. Every relationship is an experiment; you never know exactly what you’ll get. Some people bring out a side of you that you didn’t know you had. Some people remind you that your story isn’t over. Some people surprise you. And once in a while, you surprise yourself. And, although all relationships require compromise, sometimes you get more, not less. And sometimes, you can’t get more. Sometimes what you had is gone forever. And, although it’s painful, you have to find the strength to go on, to keep searching for the love, for that one perfect ingredient. No matter how far or how deep you have to go to find it. -Marin, Men in Trees

After an excruciating couple of days, I finally got a call from The Potential Guy. He called on Wednesday and suggested a coffee date for Thursday. He was as bubbly and happy as ever, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. That feeling got stronger when he suggested we meet there. Up till yesterday he had picked me up for each date. Then he texted me instead of calling to confirm our date plans. I kept trying to convince myself that I condemn guys before they even commit the crime, and the doubts were all in my head, yet all day I couldn’t shake that feeling.

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