Alone in a Crowd

Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. “No man is an island entire unto himself.” Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we’re not alone. Someone to play with or run around with, or just hang out.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

Last night I was having what I like to call Isolation Anxiety. The idea of being home alone filled me with panic and I couldn’t stand it. I tried going to karaoke, but even on the way I could tell it wasn’t going to help. I wanted to just hang out with one friend and talk and have a low key night. What I wanted was to hang out with Birthday Twin. I called up Personality Twin and told her how much I missed her and we bitched about the unfairness of life until I got to my karaoke spot. I walked in and immediately started having trouble breathing. Sometimes the problem with going out alone is even though you’re surrounded by people, you can still feel completely alone. Just as I walked up to the Karaoke Jockey to sign in my phone rang and it was Birthday Twin. As he has done so many times he read my mind. Continue reading Alone in a Crowd

Becoming Emotionally Available

I’m looking for love. Real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. -Carrie, Sex and the City

Last night I went out with Personality Twin for our last night out together. She graduated from college and is leaving to start her grown up life. It was a bittersweet night, but also a great eye opener. For the first time in a very long time I went out and didn’t look around for guys. We hung out just the two of us, dancing and singing along to karaoke songs. We talked about how both of us tend to look for attention from men as a way to feel better about ourselves. We talked about how we both want to turn over a new leaf and just enjoy the people we’re around, our friends and our loved ones. I really want to do that, but it can be rough when a lot of the people closest to me have a special someone to share their life with. That’s why I’m going to miss Personality Twin so much. We’re in the same boat, and she’s been my plus one a lot of the time.

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Relationships Based on Lies

Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion.-Samantha, Sex and the City

So Sunday for once I was the one to miss a call from Birthday Twin, instead of the other way around. He asked me to go hiking with him, but by the time I got the message it was evening. He came over and proceeded to pamper me. I think he reads my mind sometimes because I really wanted to see him. We snuggled up in bed and he gave me a back rub while I read out loud from a book to him. We were being ridiculously cute, I must admit. Then we laid down and rubbed each other’s back and just talked. I love how we lay and talk face to face. There’s something so intimate about it. It usually starts out with us talking about life, and then we inch closer and closer till our noses are touching, and then we kiss. I love how we sort of gravitate to each other.

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Thrown a Curve Ball in Life

The thing about plans is they don’t take into account the unexpected, so when we’re thrown a curve ball, whether its in the O.R. or in life, we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

After my unbelievable hangover and remorse filled morning, Reality Check and I spent a great day together being girly. We went shopping and then hung out poolside and later had dinner. We talked about guys and I told her everything that had happened with the Potential Guy. She pointed out that I was pretty quick to judge him, and that even though things were confusing, it all stemmed from both of us being scared of a possible relationship. She said we both approached everything with the best of intentions, but ended up pushing each other away in our efforts to avoid hurt. So while we sat poolside, I texted PG that I would like to hang out in person, and talk, and maybe give the new start a try. We ended up talking on the phone and he said he was busy all weekend. He said that I was confusing, and he wasn’t sure about all of this. But he didn’t say no. He said that he was going to approach it with caution, and that he’d think about it. It was a good talk, and I felt better after it was over. I realized something after the horrible incident with Off Limits. I realized that PG was a guy who genuinely wanted to get to know me, and wasn’t interested in using me. We rushed things at first, and now he was trying to see what kind of person I was. And because he wasn’t all over me, I freaked out. I am so used to guys looking at me just as an object that I couldn’t see his actions for what they were, which was sincere. So we’ll see where that goes. I’m not sure anything will happen, but it was nice to talk to him again and tell him that I appreciated how sweet he’s been to me.

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Regret-Catalyst for a New Beginning

Regret is a funny thing. You try your best in life to avoid it. But sometimes it’s the hard things in life that teach us the most… which makes you wonder, if given the chance, how many of us would do things differently. For some, regret is the very thing that helps us push past our fear and move into the future. For others, it’s the thing that allows us to re-explore out past. At its best, regret can be the catalyst for a new beginning, where anything and everything is still possible.-Marin, Men in Trees

Last week was a very emotional week for me. I don’t know what was going on but I felt like crying at the drop of a hat. I think part of it was work was frustrating and stressful, but I also think it was my dating life. Things with the Potential Guy went from confusing to downright annoying. To top it off, I kind of lost it with Birthday Twin because I just wanted to have him call me, and I was sick of waiting around for him. This week I just had enough of the games from both of these guys, and enough of the maybe we should, maybe we shouldn’ts. I was just DONE. So Wednesday night everything just exploded.

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