My Apartment Manager is a Liar

Michael: I’m not a one night stand kinda guy, I don’t like lying to womenGob: These are lawyers, thats Latin for liar. –Arrested Development

Match is officially my roommate! I could not be more excited. It was not without drama though sadly, no thanks to my apartment complex. I can’t tell you how pissed off I was when I received a phone call last week from the manager, telling me that of course Match could move in, but he’d have to pay a whopping extra $500 deposit. We exchanged words, and then she accused Match of lying to me.

Here’s how it went down: I was sitting at work, daydreaming about moving Match into my place when my phone rings. I waited for voicemail and it was my apartment manager proudly announcing they’d received Match’s application and would gladly put him on the lease as a roommate replacement, provided he pay them an additional $500, and that I should have a good day. First of all, my a$$!! Mind you, I was just replacing a roommate, not moving out, not signing a new lease, just a new roommate, old one moves out. In any other situation, a roommate leaves, and the deposit is worked out between the new and old roommate. For some reason, my apartment complex ran Match’s credit wrong and decided he was a risk and they needed more money from him, just so he could live with me.

I asked if it were possible that they ran the check wrong, as I happen to know Match’s credit is as good as mine (excellent even). They said that wasn’t possible, and then the woman went on to say, “Well maybe he’s lying to you. You don’t know for sure.” Can you BELIEVE that? Here’s this woman, who has decided to put doubt not only about my roommate, but my boyfriend, and to further doubt his word?! She then goes on to say that he has filed a bankruptcy. I was like what in the world are you talking about? ( No way has this boy ever filed for a bankruptcy). But besides the point, here’s a woman, over the phone, giving me personal information about someone’s else’s credit. ILLEGAL!!! So I call up dear Match, fuming. He says he’ll go down there and straighten it out. I felt terrible, because this was supposed to be a joyous occasion.

He promptly headed to the apartment office, credit report in hand, to set the record straight. The lady looks at him and asks if he’s had a bankruptcy, and he says no way, my credit is in the high 700s. She then glances at her screen, and says, I’m not joking, “Whoops, I had a bankruptcy filter checked. You’re fine, you can move in with no extra deposit.” SERIOUSLY? I swear we should sue her for defamation of character. I was so mad that she put us through that. All because the woman can’t read her own credit reporting software.

As I was unpacking some of Match’s things a few days later, I happened upon one of the promotional pens they gave us at the office when we moved in. I had a brief thought of jamming that pen in that bitch’s eye. That, or at least keying her car with it. But I’m in no way violence, so I took the high road and snapped it in half instead. That’ll teach her…

A Lesson in Bladder Control

Marcel, bring me the rice, come on. Bring me the rice. Come on. Good boy, good boy. Come here, gimme the rice. Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he’s finally mastered the difference between, “bring me the…” and “pee in the….”-Ross, Friends

I was so excited for Labor Day weekend to get here. I had grandiose plans of romantic dinners with Match, and relaxing evenings spent without a care in the world. Because of fire academy those didn’t happen. Also, I happen to be training for a half marathon (did I mention that?) and spent all day Sunday moaning in pain and recovering my knees after running 12 miles in two hours the previous day. Still, we managed to have a great weekend, until Monday, Match’s only day off. Continue reading A Lesson in Bladder Control

The Battle Over the Ugly Mug

Turk: OK! You know what bothers me? Every little thing with you becomes a BIG issue! You make MOUNTAINS out of MOLE HILLS!
Carla: When have I ever made a mountain out of a mole hill?
Carla: Turk! If you can’t remember to put the cap on the toothpaste, how are we going to raise our children?! You know what, I’m going to stay with my sister.


Match and I had our first fight. Well, it wasn’t so much a fight as a silly half argument mixed with grins, giggles, and the occasional tickle. But there were valid points, and I did raise my voice once or twice. This second half of the month Match has been working and going to fire academy, so I’ve been soaking up our time together. We’re also getting the apartment ready for him, and the old roommate is slowly moving out. Last weekend we loaded a bunch of Match’s kitchen stuff up and brought it to my place. While he was at school, I decided to be helpful and unpack his boxes. That is when I came across the most hideous coffee cup in the world. Continue reading The Battle Over the Ugly Mug

My Life is a Movie

People wonder if movies reflect real life. Hell yes, they do. I’ll tell you how. Both make it difficult for two people to find each other and fall in love. Think about it. All the barriers that get put in the way of romance which in movies is exactly the point. That’s what holds our interest for two hours. But in real life, love would hold our interest. Movies end when two people finally embrace, but that is exactly when life begins. Everyone is aching for magic. Everyone wants that moment in the third act when their eyes meet and the music swells, and they fall into their lover’s arms. But no one talks! No one connects anymore. Life is a very long movie, and everyone is stuck in the second act. This is what I wanna know…. why can’t we cut to the climax?! Why can’t we move right pass all the barriers and go straight to the part that everyone’s waiting for — the part where the guy gets the girl. -Trevor, Cupid

Friday Match and I went to dinner with a friend that he grew up with and his new bride. I don’t know them well enough to come up with clever nicknames, so I will call them Couple Wife and Couple Husband for the time being. Match and I have been wanting another couple to hang out with and these two are definitely it. Couple Wife is fantastic, she’s a complete hoot and so funny. Couple Husband is a bit on the quiet side, but he and Match get along so well and really riff off each other. In the first five minutes of meeting them, I could tell they approved of me. They’re expecting a baby in another 6 months or so, and they were teasing us about getting their baby a playmate. Continue reading My Life is a Movie

The Importance of Family

Michael: What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?

George Michael: Breakfast.

Michael: Family.

George Michael: Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

Arrested Development

Every since we met, Match and I have been all over each other like teenagers in love. So for our Friday date night, we decided to go where the teenagers go, and we headed to the local mini golf course. I managed to get two hole in ones (woot woot!) but still lost miserably. How is that possible?

Continue reading The Importance of Family