This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Dollar General for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

People that know me and Match know we're a frugal couple. We don't mind spending money on some of the finer things in life, but we're very picky about where we spend our dollars. So stores like the Dollar General make our frugal hearts happy. They carry some off brands, but also well known name brands for 90% less than other stores. My favorite thing to shop for is their wrapping paper and decoration section. I can always find something I can use, or make into something great that looks a lot more expensive than what I actually paid for. 

Now that there is a Dollar General in California I'm sure to keep within our budget and build our savings up even more. The store I lovr to frequent is in #1215 3015 West Capital Avenue West Sacramento, CA 95691. I love exploring the store for inexpensive treasures. There are all sorts of fun crafts that can be made from the random items they sell. I've connected with Dollar General Facebook and signed up for alerts to even more savings. There are even some Dollar General stores that have grocery shopping. With the price of groceries always increasing, I can definitely appreciate their low prices. 

One thing I love about shopping at the Dollar General is that they support literacy. Obviously I'm a big fan of reading (if you didn't read you wouldn't be on this blog right?) so companies that support literacy are a hit with me. If you haven't checked them out, I think they are worth a second look. You'll be amazed at the great finds you can score there.

Your loved one has gone ahead and is keeping watch…waiting, loving you, just on the other side of the stars.

And when we look at the stars, hoping the loved ones we have lost are happy, safe and free,

they’re looking at those same stars from the other side, making the same wish for us, sending us all their love.

How can I express in words what the generosity of seven women means to me? Those who know me know it takes a lot to render me speechless, but that is just what today’s gift in the mail did to me. I will do the best I can to convey just how much their thoughtfulness means to me.

There was a beautiful card, with a lovely poem that I quoted at the beginning of this post. The card was signed,

We send our love and special prayers. We share your sadness and will always hold Roo in our hearts. Love Janette, IA, Shawn, Stacie, JennyKate, Mimi and Rebecca.

There was also a letter attached that explained each of the gifts. I read it to Match out loud, and it wasn’t long before I got too choked up to continue. Match took the letter and continued reading for me:

Inside as you open, you will find a framed and highlighted star coordinate. This is a star that has been named through the International Star Registry. We named this star “Roo [our real last name]“. The birthdate given the star is 4/15/12. As you both know, Roo’s original due date was set for September and deep down, I think we were pulling for 9/14/12 for obvious reasons [my birthday, as well as Janette's youngest baby Rayne's], so the Star Galaxy that was chosen is Virgo. IN the LOVE box you will find 5 scrolls which are copies of the certificate and the star coordinates that you can give to your family members during your memorial if you decide.

There is a star necklace we fell in love with that is classy, dainty and could be worn with anything. The outer star is YOU, or collectively you both as PARENTS and the smaller star in the center represents Roo. Our hope is that whether you wear the necklace or not, you will always know there is a star among the sky as high as the angels for your sweet baby girl looking down on you and you can always look up and know she is there shining bright. Much love, prayers and support from us all and know that we are here for you always. God bless you both and your baby girl.

We plan to share the scrolls at Roo’s memorial, which we are going to do in Oregon next week. My in-laws and my parents will be there, and we are going to plant a tree in Roo’s honor. I think it will be the perfect time to share her star, and hopefully we will see it that night. The timing couldn’t have been better as we leave for our trip today. My parents house also happens to be a prime spot for star gazing, being out in the country and far away from bright city lights.

I took the beautiful necklace, and added the Roo charms from my other necklace. The star was the perfect addition, and the chain fits better than the other chain I had. I plan on wearing it every single day.

I’m so touched by the support and love I’ve received from the readers of this blog. Ladies, I know we have never met, but I feel like we are old friends. Thank you to Impulsive Addict, Janette, Jenny Kate, Mimi, Rebecca, Shawn,  and Stacie  for your kindness, your friendship, and for loving Roo. Match and I are forever grateful. I hope I can one day meet each of you and give you a huge hug. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

As specified by standards and practices, I am enjoying this hookah in a drug-free way. -Debbie, Sealab 2021

This past Sunday Couple Wife and Geeky came to visit me. They got me out of the house and out of my head for a few hours of girl time. Let me tell you-having a few hours where I could laugh, be silly, and not think solely about sad stuff was exactly what I needed.

We started off with sushi and sake at a restaurant downtown. Please don’t mind the bags under my eyes. I swear I’ve aged 10 years since the beginning of this month. I suppose that’s to be expected given the circumstance. I’m ready to feel normal again, and I know eventually my eyes will dry up.

The sake sparked some very inappropriate comments about how it was Asian men’s semen. This prompted CW to say, “If it tastes like that, maybe I married the wrong guy!” Oh lordy! Since we were on a roll with our inappropriateness, we decided to wander into the lingerie shop, Naughty or Nice. I didn’t realize there was a back part of the store, which was full of adult toys. All kinds of jokes and giggling ensued. You would think we were three teenage girls, not married women in our late 20s!

We had the most fun trying on wigs. Geeky looked amazing as a red headed vixen, and actually ended up buying hers. I loved the pixie wig, but couldn’t bring myself to drop $50 on something I’d rarely wear.

After our fun at the porn shop in disguise, we walked by a cigar shop. I decided to stop in and buy Match a cigar for being such a great husband. While we were browsing we noticed they also had a hookah bar. The girls had never smoked hookah, but I used to all the time in college. For those that haven’t tried it, it’s flavored tobacco that makes you light headed and slightly buzzed. It’s fun once in a blue moon but I couldn’t do it all the time. We were cracking up and being total dorks, blowing smoke out of our noses and being dragons as Geeky called it. It was a good thing we were the only people in the shop because we were being complete fools.

We laughed about how even though it was a girl’s day out, it was as if we’d had a guy’s day. We’d been drinking, visited a porn shop, and then a cigar lounge. The cigar lounge had
poker too, and we were tempted to add that to our list of activities. What a completely random, but fun, afternoon!

When we got home the girls presented Match with a gift they’d bought him at the porn shop-a man thong. I always tell them how cute his butt is, so they bought him a pair of undies to accentuate his “ass-ets”. He was only mildly embarrassed.

I also bought him some boobie shaped soap since he hasn’t been allowed to touch mine for awhile. Once again lots of giggling from the girls. We had such a fun, lighthearted day and it was exactly what I needed.

My girlfriend Couple Wife gave me this gift in honor of Roo. It was so perfect, because I had been trying to come up with something I could wear. A necklace, a ring, something that would be a way to carry her with me every day.

The necklaces are made by Michaela Hagenow from www.metalstampedmemories.com who went through a similar situation. She channeled her energy into making these keepsakes to help others honor their angel babies. I absolutely love it and I wear it every day. It even has a clear bead to represent her diamond birthstone. It was such a thoughtful gift and a perfect way to keep Roo close to my heart always.

What I do know is that you love this baby, our baby. -Angel

This may be a hard blog post for some people to read, but I really need to tell Roo’s story. I feel it would be unfair to her if I didn’t record it. It was the worst day of my life, but it was incredibly important.

As some of you know, I went into the ER on April 7th. I was having bleeding and cramping, and I was so afraid for Roo. The doctors reassured me that everything was just fine with our baby. That week I continued to bleed, and I continued communicating with my doctor. Then on Friday I started having back pain. It was coming in waves, and I had a feeling it might be labor. I knew it was way too soon, as I was just 19 weeks that day. I told myself that if I could sleep through the night, then it wasn’t labor. It seemed to go away by Saturday, and it got better as I moved around.

Match and I had a great Saturday. He did things around the house for me, helping me clean, tidying up. We put up drapes in the living room, and we nested together. Then we went out for dinner and enjoyed a great date night. That night the back pain started getting worse. I powered through it, because everything else was the same. I wasn’t bleeding any more than normal, and I wasn’t cramping. Match fell asleep, and I laid in bed, silently pleading with Roo. I knew I was in labor, but I kept hoping it was false. By 2am I couldn’t take the pain anymore. Match woke up to me doubled over the bed moaning. My back contractions were 4 minutes apart.

We drove to the ER and they saw me right away. The doctor checked my cervix, and said it was very slightly dilated. I tried not to panic, because I knew there must be something they could do. I had read about countless women who started dilating and how doctors were able to give them medicine, stitch them up, and they delivered healthy babies. Then the doctor told us that my water had broken, and that there was very little amniotic fluid. They sent for an ambulance, as our hospital doesn’t have labor and delivery. Match had to leave me and drive ahead. It was so awful being separated for that 30 minute drive to the other hospital. I did my best to stay positive, and I even cracked jokes with the paramedic.

Once we got to the hospital, Match was pacing outside waiting for us. We were seen almost immediately by the on call OBGYN. She checked my cervix and did another ultrasound. She confirmed what the other doctor had found, and then dropped the bomb that not only did I lose too much amniotic fluid, but there was no way for me to get it back. She gently told us that the baby was coming and there was nothing they could do to medically intervene, and that the baby wasn’t viable. All they could do was try to make the delivery as comfortable for me as possible.

Match and I held each other while we sobbed. The nurses in the room cried right along with us, and even the OB teared up. Their hearts broke for us. Our little Roo was coming into this world, and there was absolutely no way we could save her. Match called his parents and asked them to get there right away, so that his mom could help me through the delivery. I will never forget the awful sound of his wail as he told her our baby was dying. My heart broke in a million pieces right then. Then I had to call my parents and tell them the terrible news. My mother was a wreck because she couldn’t be there for us. She couldn’t fix this. No one could.

The medical team was so good to us. They were so nurturing and kind. They reassured me that Roo wouldn’t suffer, and that even though the heart still beat, Roo wouldn’t feel a thing after delivery. They induced me, and they offered me an epidural to take away the pain. I refused, because I didn’t want the side effects. So instead they gave me pain medication to help take the edge off, and I went through the entire labor process. Once the inducement kicked in, the pain became unbearable. I could handle the physical, but the emotional was taking its toll on me. Every time they told me to breathe I would sob. This was not how it was supposed to be. This is not how Roo was supposed to come into this world.

Finally I couldn’t take the pain anymore and I asked for the epidural. Just as they were about to give it to me, Roo gave me one last gift and came into this world before they could administer the epidural. I didn’t have to push, and because she was so small she came right out, and I didn’t have any tearing. The nurses wrapped her up and handed her to me. Match told me she was beautiful. I was so sad, but I had to hold her. I had to see her for myself, and make sure she felt my touch.

The nurse told me she was a little girl. She was born at 10:39am and weighed 7.1 ounces, with beautiful long fingers and the sweetest little chicken legs. She was so small, but so perfect. They encouraged us to take photographs. I’m not sure we would have had the presence of mind to do so otherwise. In hindsight I’m so glad we did. I wish we had even more. I never want to forget her sweet little face, or the way her fingers were so long and graceful. I held her close and I hummed Safe and Sound.

The nurse asked me if we had a name. I said we did, but to me she would always be Roo. I just kept saying, “Oh Roo, my poor little Roo.” Match and I agreed that was the name we wanted on the birth and death certificate.

My in-laws arrived just after she was born, and they got the chance to say their goodbyes as well. After we’d had our time with her, the nurse took her away. I’ve never felt so empty in my life. Match crawled into bed with me and held me while we cried ourselves to sleep.

The doctor discharged me after just short of 8 hours, and allowed us to go home to mourn. We drove home and I began the painful process of calling all of our close family and friends. We wanted to rip the bandaid and tell everyone in one day. I didn’t want to repeat the story more than I had to.

Once we got home, Monkey could tell something was wrong. He curled up in our laps and we sobbed into his fur. He did his best to comfort us as only a beloved pet can. That night I barely slept. I sat in Roo’s nursery and wept for our baby. As the grief books said, saying goodbye to a child is like saying goodbye to your future. All of the hopes and dreams we had for her are gone.

It’s been a week today, and we are starting to heal. I have good days and bad. I have mornings where I wake up crying, and then other days where I make it the entire day dry eyed. I know it will be a roller coaster, and I know there will be ups and downs.

Roo gave us so much. I didn’t think it was possible to be any closer to my husband, but we are closer than we’ve ever been. I know that if we can get through this, we can get through anything. Match said that Roo gave him the gift of fatherhood. He knew he always wanted to be a dad, but now he has no doubts. We will always be Roo’s parents, but we will also one day get the chance to raise a child. She blessed us with her presence, no matter how short. I know that when we’re ready she will guide our future baby to us, and be its guardian angel. She was with us for such a short time, but she will always, always be in our hearts. We love you baby girl.

 I’m sharing Roo’s stories with two amazing mamas Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn.