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Emotionally Withdrawing From Me

July 11, 2008

What I’ll never get is why you could open your heart to someone who broke it into pieces but you couldn’t open it to someone who just wanted to heal it.-Marin, Men in Trees

I love how lately when I get home from work Match Guy is there waiting for me with a warm smile and a big hug. It is such a great end to a long day. Yesterday when I came home he grabbed me and said, “Do you know you’re amazing and that every day I like you more and more?” He always does that, with the sweet things to say. :-)

Since I’ve been over here on Cloud 9 with lilies and happy thoughts abounding, I got to thinking about my past. As bad as guys have been before Match, without them I would never have fully understood just how great this guy really is. I know most of my readers seem to enjoy my sappy gushings about how great Match Guy is, I’m sure a little spice won’t hurt either. So for today’s entry, I think I’ll take a little trip down memory lane. Continue reading →

Thrown a Curve Ball in Life

May 18, 2008

The thing about plans is they don’t take into account the unexpected, so when we’re thrown a curve ball, whether its in the O.R. or in life, we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

After my unbelievable hangover and remorse filled morning, Reality Check and I spent a great day together being girly. We went shopping and then hung out poolside and later had dinner. We talked about guys and I told her everything that had happened with the Potential Guy. She pointed out that I was pretty quick to judge him, and that even though things were confusing, it all stemmed from both of us being scared of a possible relationship. She said we both approached everything with the best of intentions, but ended up pushing each other away in our efforts to avoid hurt. So while we sat poolside, I texted PG that I would like to hang out in person, and talk, and maybe give the new start a try. We ended up talking on the phone and he said he was busy all weekend. He said that I was confusing, and he wasn’t sure about all of this. But he didn’t say no. He said that he was going to approach it with caution, and that he’d think about it. It was a good talk, and I felt better after it was over. I realized something after the horrible incident with Off Limits. I realized that PG was a guy who genuinely wanted to get to know me, and wasn’t interested in using me. We rushed things at first, and now he was trying to see what kind of person I was. And because he wasn’t all over me, I freaked out. I am so used to guys looking at me just as an object that I couldn’t see his actions for what they were, which was sincere. So we’ll see where that goes. I’m not sure anything will happen, but it was nice to talk to him again and tell him that I appreciated how sweet he’s been to me.

Continue reading →

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The Reason I Don’t Trust Men

May 9, 2008

Sometimes, it’s not until a storm comes that things get unearthed. We get to see what’s underneath. The dark secrets and the truths that in the light of day we keep hidden. for some, the truth will make them feel closer. For others, it will make them more alone. Pain will get uprooted. some pain still too deep to be seen by human eyes. But in time, as we replant ourselves, we will be thankful. Because, like the roots of a tree, it is what lies beneath that allows us to grow. together or apart. -Marin, Men in Trees

I haven’t written much in this blog about my past. Some of my readers might have picked up on the fact that I’ve been burned in my past, scalded even. My most recent ex was someone who I had an amicable breakup with, where he just wasn’t ready to date. I could understand that completely, and I had no hard feelings. I honestly wished him well, and thought that maybe one day, when his life was back on track, we’d have another chance. We stayed friends, and we’ve talked several times since the breakup. I thought, now here is a guy I didn’t waste my time on. I gave him a chance, and it just didn’t work out, but he isn’t a bad person. Then I found out about her.

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