We enter the world alone and we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between, we owe it to our self to find a little company. We need help. We need support. Otherwise we’re in it by our self. Strangers, cut off from each other and we forget just how connect we all are. So instead we choose love. We choose life and for a moment we feel just a little bit less alone. -Grey’s Anatomy

Match and I had our first really hard discussion as an engaged couple this past week. You remember I told you Match got a new job right before our trip to Oregon? Well, they told him he had to get his gaming license to become a security guard/emt at the casino he was hired at. That meant an extensive background check. They said it would be about 3 weeks to complete, and here it is well over 3 weeks and still no start date. Match has become really anxious being stuck at home all the time, and more and more depressed and worried about money.

I’ve tried to tell him it doesn’t matter and that I can support us for the time being but it bothers him that he can’t contribute. Of course stress over the wedding budget isn’t helping anything. But Match insisted he still wants to get married this year, and that me and the wedding are the only things he’s really got going for him right now. He’s been really depressed and not at all himself. It breaks my heart to know that he’s feeling so down, and I wish I could help him. He’s still searching for jobs because he’s starting to get fed up with this gaming license stuff.

When I got home from work early last week, Match was all excited. He had been doing some research and was looking into the Coast Guard. My stomach dropped and I immediately started to panic. Don’t get me wrong: I think people that serve our country are admirable, I really do. But I have some very strong beliefs about military life in general, especially where it concerns family. I’ve been down this road before with Coast Guard Guy and I saw what military life did to Coast Sister, how it changed her, and in my opinion, not for the better. When I said yes to Match’s proposal, I had no idea this was even an option for us.

Thus began one of the hardest talks we’ve ever had. We talked about the implications, and what it would mean for life as we know it together. It would mean time apart, moving away from our friends and family, and I think what bothers me the most, the unknown. As the Virgo OCD organizer that I am, the idea of not knowing where I’ll be living in the next year bugs the hell out of me. The idea that my husband may or may not be around for extended periods of time, not being there to tuck in our future children really freaks me out. So we talked. And we talked. Then we talked some more.

Ultimately we decided that IF he does decide to pursue this life, the officer candidate school is the only route I really feel comfortable with. There’s a higher chance that he’d be home more, and he’d be putting that hard earned bachelor’s degree to good use.

We also agreed that we would try other options before the military, and that would really be our last resort. I told him I want to be behind him 100%, and right now I feel like he’s only reaching for the Coast Guard because he feels like it’s his only option. If we make a big decision like this, I don’t want it done out of desperation, but because it’s a lifestyle we want. I also agreed that a move out of California after the wedding is the right choice. I know Match wants a change, and he’s never lived anywhere but California. I am open to a new adventure, but I want it to be one that WE decide, not the powers that be.

I know there may be military spouses out there that might be offended by what I wrote, and I hope not. I’m not saying I couldn’t be happy in that lifestyle. I’m just saying it’s not what I envious for our future. I’ve always known that Match wanted to do some sort of public service job, firefighter, police, emt, and I love that about him. I know that means there will be times when I’m left alone and we’re apart, but they aren’t as extensive as they could be in the military. And if he gets a civilian public servant job, I can still pursue a career, because we’ll have a home, and roots.  Asking me to give up my life in exchange for his career, without the ability to establish one of my own, without having family and loved ones to lean on when he’s gone…it’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s certainly not one I want to take without a lot of thought.

So we’ll take proactiv reviews of our options. We’ll stay put through the rest of this year and plan the wedding, and we’ll research the life of a Coastie family versus the life of civilians. Then we’ll discuss our options and see where life has led us in this year. I’m hoping it will lead to a job that Match loves, one that allows him to come home every night. Maybe one that leads us to a new state and new adventures, but ultimately, one where we are together, connected. For better or worse.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed [Edward] into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over. Love, life, meaning… over. -Bella, New Moon

Only 4 more days! The premiere of New Moon! This was my least favorite book of the series, but I’m still excited to see it, because that means we’re that much closer to my favorite book, Eclipse! Can you tell I’m excited? Match and I are meeting up with Outdoor Couple for a double date to see the premiere on opening night. I’ve never gone to a movie on opening night, and I know it’s going to be insanely crowded, but it’s going to be so worth it to see Edward on the big screen.

I have a rich history with the Twilight books, and to me the books represent more than a hugely addictive series about a sexy vampire boy toy. The first book was sent to me by my former friend Coast Sister. I never thought I would be into vampire books, but I trusted her judgment and I was soon hooked. Now at that time in my life, I was pretty anti relationships. I had recently broken up with Unemployed Guy and I was back in the single scene. To say I was bitter and single was an understatement. I wasn’t ready for romance. Then I read Twilight, with Edward and his incredibly romantic sentiments, and I melted.

I met Match just a few weeks into reading Eclipse. The timing couldn’t have been better, because in my eyes, Match was my Edward. Pre-Twilight I probably would have rolled my eyes at Match when he’d make his sweet and romantical comments about how incredible I was, and how he was the luckiest guy on earth. But the Twilight series helped me find the hopeless romantic of my youth, the one that I thought was long since trampled after countless broken hearts.

I can also identify with Bella and her clumsiness, and how she feels during the breakup. I think all of us girls have been there once, with that hollow empty feeling like we’re ripping apart at the seams.

Since meeting them, I’ve gotten both Outdoor Girl and Couple Wife hooked on Twilight, and Baker Chic and I have been talking about the series since we first met. After we both see the movie I’m sure BC and I will sit down and dissect every scene just like we did with the first movie.

Oh, and for those of you that are my loyal readers, perhaps you’ve put together that Birthday Twin just may be a version of my Jacob? He’s a less obsessive version, but there’s definitely that Jacob like quality, especially at the Halloween party! But don’t worry, our household is Team Edward all the way.

As I mentioned, New Moon is my least favorite of the series, so I’m hoping that the directors actually spice it up a bit. I felt like this book was a bit emo, but it was also necessary, to get us to the next book. And we needed to see Jacob and Bella’s relationship develop. Is anyone else going to see the premiere? What are your thoughts on the Twilight series?

Blanche: What a waste, Rose Nylund in New York!

Rose: [to Dorothy] It’s going to be a great trip, you wait and see. You’re going to be cured, and I’m going to get to see the Big Potato!

[Blanche gives Dorothy a "See?" look]

Dorothy: I said she was comforting, I didn’t say she was smart. -Golden Girls

This past week Travel Girl, Match’s sister, was in town visiting from Peru. We spent the majority of our time at Match’s parents spending time with his sis and the fam, and also their newest addition to the family, an adorable standard poodle puppy.

We had a great time on the 4th of July playing Bocce Ball at Match and TG’s aunt’s house. TG and I had time for a little bit of girl talk which was fun.  She’s really easy to talk to, and I feel really comfortable around her. She regaled some of her stories of traveling in Peru, and also some of the dating she’s done while there. I can tell she’s finally starting to want a boyfriend and a bit of stability. I just hope that someday she’ll want that state side. Though a visit to Peru would be a lot of fun!

Wednesday proved to be a crazy day for me. Right before I got off work, I was sitting at my desk, minding my business when I heard yelling outside. To make a long story short I was an eye witness to a nasty hit and run between a man driving a van and his wife’s SUV which he decided to back into on purpose and plow two feet into the curb. It was crazy scary, and I spent the afternoon with a coworker comforting the wife and her young son who was in the SUV with her. Thank god they weren’t hurt, and they’re pressing charges on her abusive husband. That really woke me up on a sleepy midday work day!!

Wednesday night we had game night with Couple Friends, Travel Girl, and Nice Guy. Couple Friends brought over Couple Hubby’s tuxedo from his wedding for Match to borrow for the upcoming “Prom Re-Do” that’s happening on the 25th. Match looked so sexy in a tux! Can’t wait for Couple Wife’s birthday Prom bash. Don’t worry, more pics of both him in a tux, and me in my fancy dress to follow that weekend.Couple Baby got to meet my dog Monkey for the first time and they did pretty well together I think.

Friday night Match and I went to dinner with his fam, and then met up downtown with Drama Chick and B. It was a fun time, but both Match and I agreed the bars really aren’t for us anymore, and that game nights and house parties are more our thing.

Saturday we took Travel Chick with us on a day trip to Sausalito. We had big plans of walking around downtown by the pier and enjoying a relaxing afternoon. We didn’t realize that where we parked was really far from the pier, so our relaxing walk was more of a trek. The downtown was nowhere close by, and we were exhausted at that point, but we managed to enjoy a nice picnic lunch by the docks and watch the boats go by. It’s a really pretty spot isn’t it?

Travel Girl headed back to Peru early this morning, and I’m sad that she’s gone. We had a great visit, and I feel like I’m really getting to know her. Plus every family function they had, I was included, and it felt so nice. Hopefully Match and I can make a trip down to Peru to visit TG soon.

Lisa: I wonder why Mom and Dad are doing marriage counseling. If you listen closely, you can here them arguing now. (they then listen closely)
Homer (in distance): And I say a monkey can mow our lawn! -The Simpsons

Coast Sister sent me this link to an article, written by a bitter divorcee, and it got me so fired up I had to blog about it. The article, written by Sandra Tsing Loh, basically denounces marriage as outdated and useless in today’s world.

I think what bothers me the most is how Sandra feels it’s not worth it to work on a relationship. When you’ve been together with someone for a long time, you have to make time for each other, reignite that spark. It’s work, but anything worthwhile is going to take a little effort.

On the one hand, I do think that there are times divorce is necessary. I’m a child of divorce, and I can tell you, had my parents stayed together I would have been begging for them to separate. But before it comes to that big D, you have to try to make things work. In the article Sandra talks about her girlfriend who is also contemplating divorce. She says her husband won’t sleep with her anymore because she’s gained so much weight. She binge eats because he won’t sleep with her. Both husband and wife should have started communicating when this first happened. Go to counseling, figure out the problem, seek a solution. Don’t just stick your head in the sand, shrug and say, this is my life and it sucks.  You break out the Kettlebell and start working out, if nothing to feel better about yourself. Then you communicate with your husband and say the reasons you’ve gained weight is because you don’t feel wanted anymore. You talk to each other, what a novel concept!

Match and I discussed it and we both agree that divorce should be the very last resort. It just bothers me that in some ways our society is so throw away, so disposable. Even marriage to some people isn’t “til death do us part”. Instead it has become, “until it becomes inconvenient”. I think this attitude roles over into work ethic, parenting, et cetera. It’s just a bad way of thinking in general.

I know that when it comes my time to say I do, I will make sure I know my partner, and know that we will work. It’s not a decision I will take lightly, because I don’t want to end up in that percentale of the divorced and bitter. So what about you readers? Do you believe in marriage?

Did you ever once show me any friendship? Ever ask my help in a personal problem? Include me in one of your little bull sessions? Can you imagine how it feels to walk by this tent and… (She gasps and breaks down)…hear your laughter and know that I’m not welcome? When did one of you ever even offer me a lousy cup of coffee?! -Margaret, M*A*S*H

Last night I offered to cook dinner for Couple Friends. I had this idea in my head that they would come over to our place and have dinner, maybe play games or just drink wine and talk. Couple Hubby and Match decided they wanted to watch the Nascar race that CH had recorded the day before on his DVR. So dinner got moved to Couple Friends’ house. I thought it would still be a good time, because Couple Wife and I could gab in the kitchen while the men watched sports. I was really looking forward to a girl’s chat, and had been really needing one for the past few weeks. Little did I know that my innocent offer to cook would make me Kitchen Slave while Couple Friends and Match relaxed on the couch watching the race.

I tried not to be bummed, but I couldn’t help feeling left out while they sat there relaxing and I was slaving away in the kitchen. Match even came into the kitchen a few times to give me kisses and ask how I was doing. He could tell I was a bit let down, but he couldn’t fix it. What was I supposed to do? Demand that CW come hang out with me? I knew that would be juvenile. Still, I guess I just hoped that since we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks that she would want to.  I called Coast Sister the next day to tell her about it, because I knew she would understand. We’re a lot alike, and if it had been us having a friend cook in our house, we’d be in the kitchen asking if we could help. In her defense, CW did offer to help, but she did so with a half heartedness that suggested she just wanted to stay where she was. I don’t blame her in a way, it is nice to have someone do all the work, and she’s a new mom, and probably tired most of the time. I can’t pretend to know what that’s like. Still, I couldn’t help being a little let down by the evening.

At work today, I started thinking about how even though Couple Wife is always so friendly, she rarely goes out of her way to invite me to anything. Back in October, both Match and I were both anticipating Halloween invitations to different parties, and hoping to hang out with Couple Friends. As some of my faithful readers know, we were never invited. Then Christmas and New Years came and went without an invitation to the many parties they frequented.  Then there are the few times I’ve asked her to go on walks, or go for a cup of coffee. She does so, but I just wish it was reciprocated sometimes. I know she has a lot of friends, and sometimes I get the feeling she just doesn’t have room for anymore, at least not on a closer level.

I miss my Coast Sister and I’m so grateful she’s available via IMs, texts, and phone calls. Still, it would be so nice if she lived in the same town. I miss Reality Check at times, the old RC who I could talk to and laugh with, or just go on a walk with. I miss Brazil, who is now in total Mommy mode (I know she’ll come around eventually, but let’s face it, she’s a mom, she’s changed). I miss Personality Twin and her crazy stories. Maybe I just need to make a visit out to the East Coast to see CS. If only I had the vacation time! And maybe I just need to give Couple Wife time. Maybe like me she’s been burned by friends so she takes awhile to let someone get close. And maybe like Match said, she just had an off day. All I know is I am going to let her be the one to invite me to do something next. If she never does, well then I guess I have my answer eh?

How about you girls? Do any of you have trouble maintaining close girl friendships? Why does it seem to be harder the older we get?