Cockapalozza 2011: The Decorations

Butt-head(Scoffs) Happiness.

Beavis: Um…you said penis. I just thought I’d tell you that.

Butt-head: I know! Why do you think they call it happiness?

Beavis: Oh yeah! Because when you’re weiner’s happy, you’re happy. –Beavis and Butt-head

Last weekend was Token Gay Guys’ bachelor party. It.was.epic! I’m so glad I was able to go. I will start with a warning for all the gentler readers out there. First let me say there are no pictures of penises. I actually managed to not see a single peepee all weekend, but I did see someone’s goat. More on that later. There will be pictures of cartoon penises so read at your own risk! 😉

My adventure started a day early with a phone call from Tahoe Girl asking if I could pick her up from Bart and take her to her parents house. Match was excited for a little alone time so he didn’t mind that I left a day early. Of course later that night he was already texting me that he missed me. 🙂

We had a relaxed evening watching Parks and Recreation and laughing our asses off. We got up pretty early the next day, jazzed and ready to get to the party. We decided we needed decorations so we went to a sex shop where I quickly took pictures of a rack of sex toys and messaged it to Tahoe Guy. He was at work and told me later just how thrilled he was that I sent that picture. We found some french ticklers that were really cheap, so we decided those had to be favors.

Next stop was Spencers for a Pin the Junk on the Hunk game, some glow in the dark penis straws, and penis shaped balloons. We also stopped by Planned Parenthood and told them we were from a sorority and we were throwing a party and wanted to put out condoms to promote safe sex. The lady looked at us and said,  “What exactly are you planning on doing at this party?” I think she thought we were giant slutskimos. We left laughing our butts off but walked away with at least 40 condoms for $5. We found a party shop that had a make your own banner kit that we had way too much fun with. When we got to the rental house we locked ourselves in one of the guest rooms and made our decorations. We spread out the decorations on the bed and the result was a little overwhelming!

We created condom streamers for the doorways, and displayed the Hunk along with his Junk on one of the walls. The most fun was coming up with phrases using the banner kit. There was a LOT of laughter going on while Token Gay Guy banged on the door asking what the hell we were doing in there.

Here’s the end result.

We decorated Token Gay Guy’s bedroom too.

Token Gay Guy’s reaction was priceless.

More stories of Cockapalozza, aka Peckerfest aka Dong Nights aka Buttbash to come!!

Friday Confessional-Peepees Flying About

Phoebe: Oh my God, it’s all so elegant! When’s the dirty stuff starting?

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee’s flying about.

Rachel: Pheebs, I… there isn’t gonna be any flying about! We actually thought we were a little too mature for stuff like that.

Phoebe: Oh, ok. I see what you’re doing, that’s fine. This is all there is, just tea, uh, ok. (she drinks her tea) Hmmmm… raunchy!

Rachel: Seriously Pheebs, it’s not gonna be that kind of a party.

Phoebe: Really? So this is… this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I’m ever gonna have! I’ve got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It’s just tea?

Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I’ll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee’s! -Friends


I confess…


That this is a pre-scheduled post. As you read this I am on my way to a co-ed bachelor party for Token Gay Guys. They are getting married on the 28th and tonight is the big send off.

I confess…

That at first I wasn’t that excited to go because Chandler, who is the best man, wouldn’t give me any details on the party. He was being a total douche Popsicle when it came to info about the weekend. They’ve rented a cabin and we’ve all pitched in a lot of money. I kept asking for details, like what I need to bring in terms of food, and an important detail, WHERE the damn cabin is located. He wouldn’t give me details and I was getting so frustrated.

I confess…

That I contemplated not going. But then after talking with Tahoe Couple and hearing they were dealing with the same things, I felt better. I think Chandler just has a lot on his plate right now, so I am going to cut him some slack. But you can bet your ass I’m going to pick on him when we play drinking games tonight!

I confess…

That I will probably drink too much this weekend, even though I am planning on behaving. I will probably see Token Gay Guy naked and see far too many peepees, and the night will be far more wild than our co-ed bachelor party was.  I will hot tub, river swim if it’s warm enough, play drinking games and act like I’m 7 years younger than I am.

I confess…

That I feel bad that poor Match won’t be able to join me. Instead he has to work 7 days in a row. But at least he’ll get some alone time, and I think he’s secretly excited for a few nights of guy food, watching man shows on tv, and quiet time. I’m excited to get some social time, but I know come Sunday I will be happy to be home!


We Want to Know Wednesday-Friendship Philosophy

Robin: So if it weren’t for you, Ted and I would still be dating?
Lily: OR you would have stayed together far too long, had an incredibly bitter breakup and not even remain friends and [teary eyed, to Robin] you and I would never have become best friends.
Robin: You don’t even have to say that. [Hugs Lily] –How I Met Your Mother


I’m playing along with a little q & a in the first ever We Want to Know Wednesday. Click on the button to join in the fun!


So here we go:

1. Do you make friends easily?
I make friends in line at the grocery store. Making new friends comes really easily for me, but I guess they are more acquaintances than actual friends. It has been harder to make friends the last few years though. It was so much easier in college. At my last job I worked alone 90% of the time. Now that I’m not working it may actually be easier. Especially if I can sign up for some classes. The older I get the more I’m realizing that I don’t want just acquaintances either, I want real quality friendships, and they are harder to come by.

2. What 3 qualities are a MUST in a friend?
#1 honesty-if I can’t trust you then we can’t be friends. #2 sense of humor-if we’re hanging out and we’re not laughing something is very wrong. #3. Dedicated-I have had friendships fizzle because I felt like the only one putting in any effort. Friendships are relationships too and they can’t just be one sided.

3. What makes YOU a good friend?
I’d like to think I have all of the above qualities I mentioned. Sometimes I’m brutally honest but most people appreciate that. I am also the kind of friend who goes all out. Birthday, wedding, whatever it is. I will make the extra effort and do something special. I love making presents for my friends and spending quality time together. even if that quality time is chatting on the phone, texting or online. Just making the time you know?

4. Have you ever met a bloggy friend in real life? Yes? Tell us about the meet up. No? Who would you love to meet?
No I have never met a bloggy friend in real life but I am getting braver. Remember when I used to not post my face? Now I post pictures and I even posted a video blog. I’ve come a long way people. So I wouldn’t say never. I feel closer to some of my favorite bloggers and I feel like I know you already. Meeting up would be a lot of fun, and I don’t doubt that one day I will grow girl balls and actually do it!

5. Who is your best friend? Tell us about them.
I know it’s cheesy, but Match is my best friend. When we first met we sat down together and it felt like we had known each other our whole lives. There is no one I’d rather spend time with and I love how silly we are together.

I’ve been in relationships where my partner wasn’t my best friend and that is so not the case with us. We tell each other everything. Sometimes we stay up late at night just gabbing in bed for hours. I love that about us. I mean, who wouldn’t love this guy?

I have a good number of close friends that aren’t bestows but they are great people. Couple Wife is my go to for a gossip fest. Geeky and I are getting closer too. Monica, Tomboy and Tahoe Girl are all great girls and I’m so happy that we’re friends. Old Married Wife and I have drifted, but we are still pals. PHD Girl and I have been friends since 2nd grade, and even though she’s on the East Coast I like to think we’ll always stay in touch. There are also the new friends I’ve made through Match’s job, Sassy and Good Girl. I’m hoping to make closer connections with them as time goes by.

My whole life I’ve always had an easier time being friends with guys, such as Ex Best Friend (he’s not my ex friend, just my ex, it’s a long story). I just realized we’ve been friends for almost 7 years now. There’s also Chandler, who kept me company all of those weekends when Match had to work nights and I was bored to tears. I value their friendships but I make sure Match is always #1. The older I get the more I am enjoying couple friendships rather than the one on one platonic boy/girl friendships. I think as a single person that’s fine, but I realize if you’re going to be best friends with the opposite sex, it really is best if it’s your significant other. Saves me a lot of drama and unnecessary jealousy!

I am also extremely close to my mom, even though she lives in Oregon. I don’t talk about her often on the blog but we talk at least once a week if not more. She’s the first person (besides Match) that I tell about anything exciting or newsworthy in our lives. Except any argument that I have with Match. She gave me the best advice a long time ago when it comes to relationships. “You keep your relationship to yourselves. If you come to me to vent, you’ll get over it the next day but I will hold a grudge against him because you’re my baby girl.” If there were ever any real issues of course I could tell her, but she’s so right. Plus her and my Pops love him so much they’d probably just side with him anyways. 😉 I’m lucky that we have such a close relationship. It wasn’t always perfect and we don’t do very well if we’re together for long stretches of time, but I am very lucky to have a mom that I can count as a friend.

Then there are my blog friends. There are some of you that have been loyal readers for over 3 years now. I’ve followed along with your lives and I feel like if we’ve gotten to really know each other. You’ve been with me for all the big moments, and I’ve shared some awesome milestones with you too. I am so lucky for my bloggy friends. You know who you are and I just want you to know how much I appreciate our friendship.


Friday Confessional-I Need to Get Over Myself

George: I need you to get over yourself. I need you to start liking my wife. I need you to like her because sometimes I don’t and I need you to talk me back into it. You say you’re my friend and that’s the job.
Izzie: Okay.
George: I need to vent, and I need it to be okay.
Izzie: Okay.
George: And I need to vent with alcohol. –Grey’s Anatomy


I confess:

That I was way too selfish last night when Match told me he failed a scenario. I cried for me because I was afraid I’d have to stay at this god awful job.

I confess:

That I did get over myself and comforted Match. I told him I love him no matter what and I’m so proud of him. He gets a chance to retake the test and he WILL pass. We studied his scenarios until we fell asleep.

I confess:

That as much as I talk about the power of positive thinking, I can’t help but have sweaty palms and a fluttery heart today at work. Match is going to call when he’s done and if he passed (he WILL!) I get to turn in my notice. I want to so so badly, as they’ve started making me come into work every day, starting today. They didn’t even give me Friday at home to finish out the week.

I confess:

That no matter what happens I plan on drinking HEAVILY tonight. Chandler and Token Gay Couple are coming to visit. I am so excited to see them!

I confess:

That I am scared. I try to stay positive and upbeat but this is my diary and I have to stay truthful. I’m scared that I won’t be able to quit. I’m nervous about quitting if I can. I’m scared that Match will pass and it will forever change our lives. I’m scared that he won’t. I’m scared of so many things right now that I can barely focus on anything, much less getting through this work day.

I confess:

That in the grand scheme of things, these problems are all small potatoes. They are nothing compared with what most people deal with in the world, especially in Japan right now. So I will put on my big girl shoes and suck it up. But I just needed that minute to be selfish. Thanks for listening.

New Year’s Eve Letdown

BARNEY; Give it a rest, Ted.
TED; Give what a rest?
BARNEY; Trying to turn this night into anything more than what it is which is New Year’s Eve, which is the single biggest letdown of the night every single year. –How I Met Your Mother

This past NYE was the first one where Match and I had real plans. We were going to  San Francisco to spend New year’s Eve with our friends-Tahoe Couple, Monica and Chandler, Tomboy and her man, and Chandler’s brother and girlfriend. The only two missing were Token Gay Couple.

The afternoon started off great. We left pretty early to avoid the crowds and we had a fun ride over. We decided to take the train instead of driving. Taking the train to the city is so much more relaxing than the stress of driving; battling traffic and searching everywhere for a parking space. We both agreed that’s the only way we want to travel to San Francisco in the future.

When we got to Tahoe Couple’s place everyone else was already there, except Tomboy and her man who arrived shortly after us. Everyone had been drinking for quite awhile, playing Kings and Assholes. The atmosphere wasn’t all that exciting though. The energy was just lacking that fun energy it had the week before for Tahoe Girl’s birthday. It was great to visit with Monica one last time before her trip home to Scotland a few days later; but we never really got to spend a lot of time together actually talking. Instead everyone was playing drinking games and no one was really talking to each other. When we go there, we thought that we’d be going out to some of the bars and doing some sight seeing, but Tahoe Girl said every place in town was charging a cover and they were too crowded. I could tell she was disappointed too.

To make the night worse, Match was a major buzzkill. I mean, I wasn’t in the mood for a house party either, but my motto has always been to make the best out of the situation you’re in. Everyone was there to drink, so live it up, take a shot and enjoy. Instead he kind of pouted and rolled his eyes every time I took a drink. Match and I aren’t the type of couple to fight in public and I didn’t like how obviously grumpy he was being. Monica even mentioned it to me, asking what his problem was. I finally took him aside and quietly talked to him about how he was feeling. We both apologized for being rude to each other and agreed that this was not the night we wanted to have. We decided we’d leave that night instead of sleeping over and that New Year’s day we’d do something fun. Match said he was sorry, kissed my forehead and said he’d try to lighten up.

Shortly after that we all (finally) left the apartment and headed to the waterfront for the fireworks. This was what we had pictured when planning a New Year’s eve in the city. People were out laughing and celebrating. There were noisemakers and party hats everywhere. When the fireworks started, we were so close it felt like we had 3D glasses on.

They were so beautiful-it was probably one of the best fireworks shows I’ve ever seen. As the fireworks started, Match gave me my New Year’s kiss and hugged me close.

Then I noticed that Tahoe Girl was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was fine. On the walk back she said that fireworks and the national anthem make her sentimental and she always cries when they go off. I had a feeling something else was bothering her but I didn’t push the issue.

On the walk back to their apartment, icy rain started POURING down on us. It was crazy because the fireworks had just ended when the rain started. At least it didn’t rain during the show! We ran back as fast as we could and thawed out a little bit back at the apartment. We ended the night with champagne and watched a little bit of Four Christmases. Then Match and I headed back out into the cold and made the five block walk to the train station. As we were running in the cold, ducking into alcoves to escape the rain and laughing, Match said that besides the fireworks, this was the most fun he’d had all night.

We talked about Tahoe Girl and the tears, and we both wonder if her and Tahoe Guy are having some trouble. He seems to be growing out of the drinking game stuff too, and Match pointed out he had been just as grumpy all night. Hopefully Tahoe Couple are fine and she really was just emotional over the fireworks.

Match promised me that next year we’d plan something else. We agreed that if we go back to San Francisco next year, we’ll have a better plan. I think the night would have been more fun if we’d gone out to bars, even just to people watch. Being stuck in the apartment felt like a waste of our trip out there. People don’t go to the city to attend house parties and do the same old thing you’d do on any Friday night. You go for the excitement and the big city atmosphere. I am looking forward to going back to SF, and double dating with Tahoe Couple. Next time we’ll just be sure we actually leave the apartment.