TTUT-Mama Drama

with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn

I’m going to take this TTUT to pour my heart out a little. I’m feeling very disenchanted with my family at the moment. No one on my side of the family has met Piglet yet, not even my parents. I’m very very disappointed in my parents particularly. I just can’t believe they haven’t met their grandson yet.

Some of you may remember I blogged about not wanting them to visit the first two weeks. It’s ironic that I worried about it, as now we are having the complete opposite problem.

It all started when she refused to get her whooping cough booster, and all of my Drs as well as his pediatrician said anyone who would be holding him in his first 8 weeks needed their booster. This caused a pretty big argument for us, because she said she didn’t “believe” in the shot. I said I couldn’t believe she’d risk getting her grandson sick. Given our history, given what we went through with Roo, don’t we have the right to be just a little bit overprotective? And it’s not like I’m making up this requirement. It’s all over the news here, and all the Drs in my area are insisting everyone get their boosters if they’re going to be around infants. So I told her she’d have to wait to visit until he got his first round of vaccines, which he’ll be getting this month.

I mentioned before on the blog that I was thinking of making the trip to Oregon. Now that Piglet is here, and I know more about what’s involved, what he needs, the more I realize it’s just not realistic to expect us to drive 9 hours with a newborn. He nurses every 2 hours, sometimes less during the day. He also has reflux, and the car seat isn’t always the best for him. He prefers to be leaning forward rather than backwards. Not to mention all the gear he’d need, how much work it would be for us, ecetera. Maybe when he’s older, say around Christmastime. I talked to my mom about our plan to visit at Christmas, and I mentioned again that I’d really like them to come see him before that.

This is where the excuses have started coming in. First she said that they’re too broke to visit, and yet they took a trip up to Portland (4 hours away) to visit my brother and his kids. I told her how hurt I was, that they were too broke to visit us, but they could make the trip there. I realize it’s closer, but if you’re broke, wouldn’t you be saving every penny? A 4 hour trip still costs money. Now she’s claiming they’re having car trouble.

We ended up getting in a pretty big argument over the phone. She complains a lot about how so many other people have gotten to meet him and not her. She said that I was the one keeping them away, because they won’t get their vaccine. I told her she can visit anytime after his first round of shots, and that she only has herself to blame for not being able to visit sooner.

Now she says that the summer is too hot for them, and that their dog won’t be able to handle the heat. Then she said that Piglet isn’t that interactive yet, and went on to tell me how much fun she’s been having with her other grand kids, who are 5 and 7. She said she can’t wait for Piglet to be that age, and since he’s so little, it’s not like he’ll remember them visiting now anyways. I was completely floored and stunned that she would say that. Yes, he may not remember it, but he’d be able to look at pictures. And I will remember.

I have always had a bit of a complicated relationship with my mom. I’ve often been frustrated with their lack of planning, their financial irresponsibility, and their unwillingness to travel to see me. She has missed out on so many important moments in my life. My bridal shower, my baby shower, and now she’s missing out on time with my baby. They will also more than likely miss his first birthday. The excuse is always money, and yet she will tell me about trips they take, money they spend on various things, and I find myself biting my tongue.

I can’t help but think of how they always seem to afford trips to visit my brother and his kids. I know it’s closer, I know it costs less, but not by much. It all comes down to priorities, and being willing to put forth the effort. If she can do it for my brother’s family, why not mine?

In the meantime, I’ve tried to make sure that she feels included. I send pictures all the time, and I’m always asking if she would like to skype with us so she can see him. She skyped with us once right after we got home from the hospital, but hasn’t since. She always says they’re too busy, or that she doesn’t feel like using the computer. Skype is free! Why is even something that simple so hard for her?

I’m very grateful for Match’s family, and how involved everyone has been. His sister has come up twice to see him, and she lives the same distance away as my parents. She doesn’t have a lot of money either, but she has made her nephew a priority. I’m grateful for that all of my friends here have gotten their booster without complaint, and that everyone has been so eager to visit him. I just wish my parents would do the same. I mean seriously, who could resist this face? How could you not want to meet him?!

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12 Comments

    Kenzie S

    I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you. I don’t blame you one bit for being so protective of your little one, I would be too!! Your mom should be more accommodating, after all you are the one with a newborn and traveling with newborns, especially long distances, is not an easy task. If you ever need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to lend an ear (: I hope that something works itself out for you.

    Sarah Shumate @ The Wanderblogger

    Oh man…I don’t even know what to tell you. I know you’re hurt, and reasonably so. I hope you guys can work it out. Family is so important.

    Misty

    I can’t imagine how hard that must be. I am so sorry. At least he has amazing parents & family all around him to make up for their asshole-ishness. Yep. Totally a word.

    Jessica

    Aww, what an unpleasant issue to be dealing with. I definitely feel your pain about having loved ones who complain about being broke and then choose to spend their money on things that I wouldn’t prioritize. As hard as it is to do, the only way to come to peace with the situation is to release any expectations you have- that way anything they do will come as a pleasant surprise. I’m so glad that Piglet is doing well- he is such a beautiful little man!

    Jenny

    Aw, that sucks. I’m sorry she’s not making an effort to see him. πŸ™

    Emmy

    I am so sorry– I would be so upset too. That really is her loss that she is missing out though as yes he is so so cute! You have every right as his mom to want to make sure he is safe and protected too.
    I have a good friend who’s parents were going to come to visit her and wanted to bring their dog; she told them they could be the dog would only be allowed down stairs and not in the bedrooms. Her mom said this was not acceptable and refused to come! It really is so sad when things like that happen.

    Ally

    Ugh. That stinks. It’s their loss, but I know that doesn’t make it easier. I think expecting a grandparent to get that booster is reasonable, especially since whooping cough is making such a comeback thanks to people not vaccinating. You’re wise to put Piglet’s health first. I’m sorry that they’re being this way….so disappointing, I’m sure.

    Macey

    When my twin nephews were born a year ago tomorrow, we ALL had to get our boosters. I don’t understand what is going on with your family. πŸ™

    Steph

    Ah gah! I was hoping things would work out better than you were expecting. We have seen my husband’s parents once since Christmas.

    Brittany

    This truly breaks my heart for you! I know you have a really complicated relationship with your mother, but I think having a baby is something you want to share with your mother, and she is not giving you the chance to share that with her, and that truly is sad.

    Charlotte

    I’m so very sorry to hear this, and can’t imagine how much this hurts you. To be honest, I don’t really think there is any excuse for not meeting your grandchild. I understand that she might think she’s not in a financial position to do so, but can understand why you would be so hurt, if she is making it a priority to see her other grandkids. I’m sorry, bunny.

    I just wish we loved closer so I didn’t have to hug you virtually. But here are some big ol’ hugs and smooches in the meantime. XOXOXOXO

    phoebe

    πŸ™ this makes me sad. i can’t even imagine how you must feel. in the long run, it will be her loss that she didn’t make the effort to see you or her grandson. i am thankful that you have match’s family there. i know you have your moments with your mil, but in the grand scheme of things, i think you hit the jackpot πŸ˜‰ sending you lots of xoxoxo from the ec!!!

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