A Year Ago Today…

heaven

A year ago today, I held an angel in my hands. Her name was Roo, and she forever changed our lives.

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It’s amazing all that has changed in just one year. I gave birth to my baby girl, and we had to say hello and goodbye in the same day. For months we put the pieces of our hearts back together. Now I’m carrying her little brother, and I remember feeling so scared to be going through this again. I knew I had no choice but to fall in love with this tiny person, and give him the same love and excitement I gave to his sister. I’ve been anxious and worried the past few days, but his kicks and squirms reassure me. I have been more worried lately because Roo is heavy on my heart. But deep down I know that we will get to bring her brother home. I have bittersweet feelings, where I find myself wishing that I could have them both, even though I know that’s not possible.

heavenandearth

So instead I am grateful. I am grateful for the experiences she gave me. I am grateful that she brought me even closer to my husband. I’m grateful for the little flutters she’d make in my belly, and for the brief time I carried her. I’m also grateful that she gave me the experience of labor, because she’s taken away a lot of that fear of the unknown. I’m grateful that she touched so many lives in the short time she was with us. The outpouring of love and support from loved ones, family, friends and all of my readers made us both realize just how blessed we are. But most of all, I’m grateful that she made me a mom.

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I think it’s no coincidence that the rose tree planted in her honor is in full bloom today. I like to think it’s a message from her, telling me that she’s ok. I love you and miss you baby girl. Someday I will hold you again. Until then, I promise to take good care of your baby brother, to love your daddy, and to be grateful for each new day.

11 Comments

    Trinity

    I am up for Brian’s 3 am feeding and was kinda feeling sorry for myself about it because I’m pretty tired today. After reading this my attitude is changed! Ill cherish the moment, even if it comes at 4am!

    Steph

    Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven, Roo!

    Big ole hugs to you. 🙂

    phoebe

    happy 1st bday roo. xoxo to you my friend.

    MiMi

    Oh my gosh, imagine the birthday in Heaven!! One year ago God gained an angel and I know he doesn’t take that lightly.
    I can’t believe it’s been a year and I can’t believe you are about to have a baby boy!! So much has changed. God uses all things to His glory. You are blessed.

    Jenny

    ((Hugs)) Her tree looks beautiful.

    sara@domesticallychallenged

    Sending love to you. She made you a mom, she taught you a new way to love, and will be with you forever.

    Janette @ www.thejohansonjourney.com

    Happy Birthday sweet baby Roo. It was because of Roo that you and I began talking more and for her == I am thankful. What a whirlwind day. I remember celebrating my Dad’s birthday and being in mourning for you last year and this year, celebrating my Dad’s birthday again and losing our dog on the same day. I guess there is something special about April 15th. I will always remember you, Roo, my dad and now my dog on this day. Crazy collection eh? I am always amazed by your strength and what you have had to endure and admire you everyday for it. I know you’re going to make a superior Mom and Piglet is going to be so loved by you and Match and Monkey as well as having his big sister looking out for him! He’s beyond lucky!

    Emmy

    Happy birthday sweet Roo! Sending you virtual hugs! You will be able to see your precious girl again someday.

    Ally

    Beautiful post and perspective.

    Sarah Shumate @ The Wanderblogger

    What a beautiful sight to see those roses blooming just for you and Match from Roo. She is definitely watching over you two and letting you know she is safe and happy up in heaven.

    Charlotte

    Happiest of birthdays to your sweetest little angel.

    This post gave me goosebumps. Especially the rose tree at the end. It’s amazing to think of all that has happened in a year for you, eh? Baby Roo would be so proud and I’m sure she’s excited to meet her little brother, too 🙂 XOXO

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