Our Mini Christmas and Christmas With the In-Laws

If my parents lit an orphanage on fire, on Christmas Eve, they wouldn’t be as bad as your parents! -Debra, Everybody Loves Raymond

On December 23rd, 2009 Match and I got engaged. Every year since then, we’ve made a tradition to open our gifts to each other on December 23rd. It works out great for the years Match has had to work, or when we were traveling. I think we’ll still do at least one gift that night, even when Piglet is here.

Match nailed it this year with these hilarious footie pajamas for me. Not only are they ridiculous to look at, but they are so comfy!

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I got him an outdoor knife set for his hunting adventures. He was pretty excited about it! We also both bought a few small things for Piglet. Match got him a little camo hoodie and the cutest shoes. They’re his first shoes and I love them! I bought Piglet the Big Bang Theory onesie, because we love singing Soft Kitty and plan to sing it to him often.

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Christmas eve we headed over to the inlaws. I wasn’t that thrilled about it, because normally my MIL doesn’t even have a tree up, and the house is always lacking in Christmas cheer. So you can imagine my surprise and joy when we drove up and saw the reflection of Christmas lights. As we got closer I screamed, “She got a TREE!!!” And what a tree! She got a fancy artificial tree, and said they plan to put it up every year. I told her it meant the world to me that there was a Christmas tree where we were spending the holiday and thanked her repeatedly. I told Match we’re still doing some Christmases at our house, but it’s nice to know that when we do bring Piglet there, they will have Christmas cheer at Grandy’s house.

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We had them open Piglet’s gift right away, because we were bursting to tell them the news. They were very excited to find out Piglet is a boy!

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We decided to open gifts on Christmas eve because Christmas day would be busy cooking for the big family party. We had a nice time opening presents, and afterwards we settled in for a nice evening. Unfortunately for me, my MIL got drunk and started harping on us about how important it is that we have another child within 2 years of this one, so the siblings could be close in age. I was horrified. I couldn’t believe her nerve, and lack of sensitivity. Piglet isn’t even here yet, let me just get through one pregnancy before n pressuring us for another. And we haven’t even reached the point of loss, a source of great anxiety for me. I just can’t believe she went there! And she wouldn’t let it go, til finally I said this is raising my blood pressure and it’s not good for the baby, you need to STOP.

It took awhile for me to calm down, and poor Match had to hear about it. She had also said some very insensitive things to me about how I shouldn’t talk  to Piglet about Roo, because she wasn’t of this world, and it would be uncomfortable and confusing to talk about.  Again, horribly insensitive, and she was running her mouth about things she clearly doesn’t understand. If she thinks for a second I won’t speak about my first born, she has another thing coming. I don’t give a flying rat’s ass if it makes HER uncomfortable. Match and I had a long talk that night, and we both agreed that the best way to handle her is to cut it off when she starts in on her insensitive comments. I told him I understand she isn’t doing it to purposely hurt me, and that it’s just coming from her ignorance to what we’ve been through. She has never had trouble trying to conceive, she never lost a child, she has no idea of the pressure and the stress, not to mention grief that come with this rainbow pregnancy. So the best thing we can do is cut her off and tell her the conversation makes us uncomfortable, and to please stop talking. If she doesn’t, we leave the room.

It really put a damper on my Christmas with them, because up to that point we were having a great time. But the next day she was on her best behavior, and she kept asking me if I was having a good time. I think she realized she overstepped, and that she hurt me deeply. My MIL is a person who is very opinionated, and very strong willed. Unfortunately I am too, and it causes problems. I know I can’t change her, and I know when she drinks she says things that are out of line, and sometimes I just have to let it go. I know that Match and I will always honor Roo, and when it comes to extending our family, we will do what we see fit. God willing we will have another child, but if we don’t, we don’t. We are truly blessed with our Piglet, and the memory of our daughter, and I won’t let comments and meddling opinions change those feelings.

Back to the fun stuff-the Christmas party was a lot of fun. I found this great new maternity top and I loved showing off my bump to the family. Everyone rubbed the belly and celebrated the news of our son to be.

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We played a fun game called Things, that I really want to buy. It was funny and there was a lot of laughter and silliness. It was the perfect medicine to the bad evening I’d had the night before.

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All in all we had a great Christmas, but I was relieved when we got home. Match took me out to a nice sushi dinner (yes I only ate the cooked stuff!) and we had some quality couple time. I learned some things about learning to let things roll off my back and not get to me, and hopefully my MIL learned some tact. But somehow I think this may be just the beginning of unsolicited advice, and probably won’t end til Piglet’s at least 30. 😉

Oh, and when we came home, we found a package on our doorstep. It was a present from my stepmother, whom I have very little contact with. It was an olive branch of sorts, in the form of a beautiful ornament. It was like it was made for us, and it is absolutely precious.

P1070602How was your Christmas? Did you survive your family?

 

9 Comments

    Nicole

    So sorry you had to go through the uncomfortableness of that! I dated a guy for 5 years who had very opinionated sister and mother and I have a feeling they’d be like that because they were about other issues while we were dating. But you guys look so cute in that picture in front of the tree. A family photo 🙂

    Charlotte

    I’m so glad I am checking in today, if only to tell you that letting things roll off of our backs is always SO much easier said than done. I don’t blame you for getting defensive about your MIL’s insensitive comments; I think they would outrage anyone. Maybe it was the wine talking or whatever, regardless… she should let you and Match figure out how to handle the Roo thing for yourselves. I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with mentioning Roo to Piglet. In fact, I think it’s a beautiful thing. But it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else thinks… this is a decision that you and your hubby will make together and everyone else needs to respect it. I hope you managed to have a nice Christmas despite; it seems everything else went well.

    I love the picture of you in front of the tree. And I love watching the baby bump–and your confidence–grow in each photograph I see. XOXO and a very merry (and belated!) Christmas!!!

    catie

    Everyone’s holidays bring some kind of stress and frustration. I totally understand. I always joke with my friends, that if holidays didn’t exist, shrinks would be jobless. I didn’t even go home this Christmas. My mom and I aren’t even talking. My dad spent it with his new boyfriend, whom I am not comfortable staying with. I stayed with family friends who really took me under their wing and made me part of their family. Thank You for always writing such in depth blogposts, I really do enjoy them! Have a happy new year!

    Misty

    The best you can do is ignore, ignore, ignore. What a pain!

    I love your top. You look so pretty!

    catie

    Everyone’s holidays bring some kind of stress and frustration. I totally understand. I always joke with my friends, that if holidays didn’t exist, shrinks would be jobless. I didn’t even go home this Christmas. My mom and I aren’t even talking. My dad spent it with his new boyfriend, whom I am not comfortable staying with. I stayed with family friends who really took me under their wing and made me part of their family. Thank You for always writing such in depth blogposts, I really do enjoy them! Have a happy new year!

    MiMi

    Now that is an excellent olive branch gift. PERFECT.
    I’m sorry about your MIL. Sadly, meddling will not stop even when Piglet is 30. But to begin right NOW was VERY insensitive. And unless she’s mentally challenged I can’t figure out why the hell she did that. Maybe complete unintended consequence from drinking too much. Maybe she wanted to say it but needed fortified. What a jerk.
    She does have a beautiful tree though. Too bad she doesn’t realize how close it came to being planted up her ass. Haa!
    Your holiday sounds wonderful, minus MIL, and your new maternity shirt is GORGEOUS. You look stunning. 🙂
    Love to you and the enter Pooh family!

    Janette @ www.thejohansonjourney.com

    Through all of the chaos and lack of respect for you and your sweet Roo– I’m glad to know that you are able to rise above it and blow it off- at least try to. That is the hardest thing about family and inlaws. There’s always a fine line and a boundary that has to be set. I’m glad you and Mr. Match come together and support each other through the rough comments and are able to find the joy in the moment. Your hair looks SOO good!! You’re rockin’ the hot momma look well! Love the ornament! xoxo.

    Jessica

    Merry (belated) Christmas! I’m sorry your Eve was a bit stressful. I can’t imagine. She would hate to have someone like me as a DIL- who isn’t even sure she wants to have kids! I think you have a good attitude, and if she’s the most opinionated person you run into you’ll be ok.
    You look so cute in your footie pjs! And I love that ornament- it IS perfect for your family! 🙂

    phoebe

    in spite if your mil, it sounds like you had an overall good holiday season. and. you looked great! you’re such a happy and glowing pregger lady!!

    the pjs are to die for hilarious!! such a fun gift 🙂

    the olive branch was very nice. take it for what it’s worth 😉

Your comments make my day!