TTUT-Sassy, The Shoe, and The Preggo Bridesmaid

Running a wedding should be fun. You know if I ever had a wedding I would want everyone to be stress free. You know I would like it to be a carnival. Like people win prizes guessing the bride’s weight. -Officer Rhodes, Bridesmaids 

 with two anti-bridezillas Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn.

As most of you know, I’m a bridesmaid in my friend Sassy’s wedding this June. I am all about helping with the bridal shower, but I’ve been sort of dreading the wedding and the picking of the shoes.

You see ladies, I have foot problems. I have always had issues with arch and heel pain. So I’m a girl who always wears comfy shoes over fashionable ones. When I do dress up, I pick wedges all the way. I’ve never worn a true high heel before. Ever.  Sassy is a heel worshiper, so I knew she’d want us to wear high heels, and I told her my dilemma. I told her that the doctor said if I’m not used to wearing heels before pregnancy, I shouldn’t wear them while pregnant. I tried to meet in the middle and we talked about a 2 in. kitten heel shoe.

Exhibit A:

then I get a lovely email last week from the MOH saying, hi ladies here is the shoe we’re wearing. Now I will be the first to admit they are adorable. But check out that heel!

Exhibit B: The DEVIL HEEL

that’s right ladies. This heel is an ULTRA high heel. It’s 4.5 inches tall. Are you FRACKING kidding me?!

So I texted Sassy and asked about the shoe, and why the change. She said, sorry but the MOH made an “executive decision” and that’s what we’re wearing. I said I’m absolutely not wearing these at 7 months preggo. Sorry to be disagreeable but I can’t risk the health of my baby for shoes. She wrote back, “Well I want you all in matching shoes and I can’t please everyone.” Seriously? The MOH has done nothing for the wedding so far, and I’ve done all the work for the shower. Everything, down to the invitations, the planning, organizing, decorating, the works. The only thing she’s done is take care of food, which is being catered. Tough job eh? And she’s worrying about pleasing her? Shouldn’t she worry that her pregnant friend may fall flat on her face and ruin her big day?

I won’t bore you with more details, but after quite a few snarky, downright rude texts from her, she finally said that it was fine if I wanted to pick out my own shoes, if I’m “so concerned for my safety”. I could tell she was pissed. I worked myself up into a tizzy about the whole thing and ended up a crying mess in Match’s arms. He was pissed as hell and said we should both just drop out of the wedding. He said he refused to let me wear those stilts anyways.

She finally wrote back that she was sorry for getting irritated. I wrote her that I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress  with this modified rest, and worrying about mine and the baby’s health, and the last thing I care to worry about are SHOES. She then asked if I would feel better if I just weren’t in the wedding. In a word? YES! I said I’d still help with the shower as long as I get the doctor’s ok, but beyond that I just need to relax.

I’m relieved, but my heart is sad because I hate not honoring commitments. Match is thrilled because he really didn’t want to be in the wedding in the first place. Neither did I really. I just wanted to help with the shower, because I think they’re really fun. I wanted to do it because I wanted to, not because I had to. Ya know?

I’m also feeling very disenchanted with my friendship with Sassy. I feel sort of like she never really wanted me to be in the wedding, and just wanted my help, because she knew I’d go above and beyond. I’ve had the feeling that because I’m pregnant she doesn’t want me in the pictures…and that’s fine. I just want to sit in a comfortable chair to be honest with you.

So there you have it. That’s the story of how I’m no longer a bridesmaid, all because of a pair of shoes. She did apologize again, and said she’s very grateful for all the work I’ve done, and how she doesn’t want this to come between us. I told her I’m happy for her, and I’m so happy to help with the shower, but that at the end of the day, I need to do what’s best for my family. I may not even be able to be at the wedding due to being on rest. And the last thing I need is a bridezilla getting mad at me because of something that’s completely out of my control.

19 Comments

    Seriously Shawn

    WOW! I cannot believe this. This had a simple solution, all pregnant bridesmaids were black flats. It sounds like this is another shadow bride being nasty. I’m sorry she has hurt you but you are dead on, the health if you and Roo comes first!

    Feel reassured that you did the right thing my friend!

    Claire

    Damn, if I had a friend who got that irritated about shoes, I don’t know… that’d make me question them a lot, you know?

    Stacy Uncorked

    It does sound like she’s using you for all the work you’ve put into helping with the wedding – that’s such a bummer. With all the issues you’ve been having, I’m glad you stood your ground about not wearing stilts to be in the wedding – you have your priorities straight. ((HUGZ!!))

    RTT Rebel Badges, Easter Spoilage, Bear Basket Transformation, Regal Dentist Dude

    Connie Weiss

    I’m speechless!

    What the heck gets into people when they get married now days? The damn thing isn’t being televised is it?

    You are better off now in that wedding!

    Sarah Kate

    WOW. Talk about a load of drama over nothing! It’s a shoe, people!! Relax!! It’s not like you asked to walk down the aisle at her wedding barefoot. Sheesh. Sorry you had to deal with that. Those sorts of things always affect me the same way. We’re sensitive people. ;o)

    Sounds like you’re much better off being a guest. Now maybe both you and Match will get to enjoy the wedding instead of stressing over it.

    Jill

    Ohhh dear…I feel your pain! I’ve had bridesmaid woes in the past. It truly is one of the most stressful “jobs” in the world! I’m the MOH in one of my best friend’s weddings in May, and thankfully it’s gone pretty smoothly so far. I can’t believe they would expect you, at 7 months pregnant, to wear that kind of heel!! Ack!! That’s crazy!! You definitely don’t need that kind of stress right now. 🙂

    Jessica

    Does it make me weird that I’m not at all sad that I’ve never been asked to be a bridesmaid? To be fair, none of my close friends are married yet and my sisters are much younger than me. But still, stories like this make me feel like I’d have to think very hard before EVER saying yes! Being a bride brings out the worst in some people. I would have done exactly what you did in this situation! Your safety and comfort should always be a primary concern- especially when you’re pregnant!

    In terms of shoes- I hear ya, girl! I have bunions and high arches and pretty much live in flip flops or flats. Minor exceptions being fashion shoots I do for fun with Dan- and even then I’m in those god-awful heels for 30 minutes, tops! 🙂 You better believe the second I get pregnant they’ll be donated to Goodwill!

    Janette

    You know how I feel about the whole deal and seriously– if she were any kind of a friend at all, she would never expect you to be in agony during her wedding– NO ONE IS THERE to look at your damn shoes- if that were the case then you guys should get more credit than just standing next to the bride on her day and you should have asked if there was a shoe modeling agency coming to take pictures– she really will regret this one day and look back thinking– I can’t believe I cared bout my bridesmaids shoes because it was my day… no one gives a rip about your damn shoes. I don’t even think people notice what shoes the bride is wearing! you don’t need a friend like that. I’ll gladly take her place in your friend world. People only come for the cake– or is that just me?
    xoxo

    Jenny

    Wow….just…wow. Shoes. Really? Because THATS what’s important at your wedding, the shoes that the bridesmaids are wearing. OK.

    Sorry DG!

    Impulsive Addict

    Ok, she totally sounds like a diva bitch. I can’t BELIEVE she acted like that! You were right to stand your ground. There is nothing more important than yours and Roo’s safety. Enough said. If it wrecks the friendship, then it wasn’t a good friendship to begin with. All over a pair of shoes? You’ve got to be kidding me!

    Thanks for linking up with us Bestie! xoxo

    Emmy

    Wow!! I cannot believe she was that set on it- as really unless you wore bright yellow shoes when everyone else was wearing black – no one would notice if you had shorter heels.
    Someday when she is a mom and realizes life isn’t all about herself maybe she will realize how stupid she was. Sorry

    Amy

    Aw this is so sad 🙁 But good for you for watching out for Baby’s health over wearing heels (esp if you don’t like heels in the first place!). I’m sorry your friend wasn’t more considerate of your and baby’s needs 🙁 But glad you have Mr. Match to have your back!

    Boobies

    I’m outraged (even being the hooker shoe wearing gal that I am) that ANYONE would expect you to wear high heels. When I renew my vows, you’re being a bridesmaid and you can wear any kind of shoe you want!

    XO

    MiMi

    All I can say is: Holy shit.
    She sounds selfish and I’m glad you are out!

    sara@domesticallychallenged

    First time here, and I hit on this! You poor lady! I have to agree with you. Seven months pregnant in those heels is ridiculous. If she is more concerned about the “look” than you, that says a lot. It sounds like you were also right in that she maybe didn’t want you in the wedding. Sad, how some people put that over friendship! At least you are doing what is best for you and baby!

    Kristy @PampersandPinot

    When you are pregnant, you get to do whatever the hell you want!!!! That’s what I say.

    Charlotte

    I hope you can hear me yelling from Hoboken, NJ. WOW. WTH!?! I don’t understand brides these days, but she doesn’t sound like a very understanding person (to put it mildly) if she isn’t taking your health and safety of your baby into consideration. It’s a friggin SHOE PEOPLE!!! I can’t believe they wouldn’t allow you to wear the kitty heel in the same color as the other bridesmaid’s shoes. What’s the big deal? I mean, that heel would have been more than enough.

    But you know what? In the end, it sounds as though she did you a favor. You are far too good a friend and should be treated with a lot more respect than that. Hmph.

    Brittany E.

    Ugh, this is just so awful and such a silly thing to get such up and arms about a….shoe! And like completely matching shoes on bridesmaids are such a big deal? Half of my bridesmaids wore silver shows and the other half insisted on dyeing their shoes the green color of the dress. And I was like, “whatever.” And no where in my pictures can you really even tell!

    But I’m sorry this happened and it really sucks and it has to hurt because she is your friend! But good thing, you don’t have to deal with the stress anymore!

    2012 Review Extravaganza-Week 2 | The Date Girl Diaries

    […] things started getting really scary with my pregnancy with Roo. I found out that Sassy Girl was a terrible friend. Then on April 15th, we lost our sweet baby girl. I shared Roo’s story with you, and you were […]

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