She’s this amazing girl one minute and then this raging jealous freak the next.-Matt, The Vampire Diaries
The other night I had Walking Buddy and another new deputy wife friend over for the evening. We were having a really great time visiting and hanging out with their babies. Everything was great, until one of the wives mentioned her fears about a coworker of our husbands. Her and Walking Buddy got all upset about their men even so much as talking to this coworker, and were really fired up about it. As they were talking, I felt like they were dragging me into their world of mistrust. They even tried to get me upset because she asked one of the husband’s for Match’s phone number.
Now I trust Match 100%. But you remember when I had to deal with the slutty girl who kept hanging all over Match during academy? So I’m familiar with that feeling of uncertainty. As the wives said, they trust their men completely, it’s the women they don’t trust. I am familiar with horrible women who prey on married men. But at the end of the day we have to trust our men don’t we?
I know Match loves me no matter what. Even if my weight balloons up and I’m shopping for plus size dresses at sydneyscloset, and I know he’ll only have eyes for me. In fact he’s been more than understanding of the guy friends I’ve had in the past. So I try to extend the same courtesy. He always tells me everything, and I never have to wonder if he’s holding back.
I’m just sad that I let these girls get to me, and made me have feelings of doubt that night. The next day I talked about it all with Match, and we were both pretty bummed out. I really like these girls, and I was hoping to become good girlfriends. But it’s hard to be around girls who are so insecure and cause so much drama. They don’t even want their husbands talking to girls at work, even though it’s part of their JOB. I think it’s important to have comradeship among his colleagues, and if that means female coworkers, so be it. He will have times where he has to depend on these people for his life, and I want to be sure they’re looking out for him.
I also think by getting mad at their husbands, these wives are inadvertently pushing their husbands to lie. They’re basically making them afraid to even mention female coworkers for fear of backlash. I don’t want Match to ever feel that he has to hold anything back from me. I don’t mind him having female friends as long as I remain his best friend. He also knows there are boundaries. Going to lunch one on one with the same female coworker all the time isn’t appropriate, but talking during their shift or hanging out in groups is just fine.
My way of dealing with this new girl is to invite her to our house for Match’s birthday next week. I feel that knowing someone keeps me from wondering about them, and usually puts all fears to rest. Hopefully these deputy wives won’t mind that she’s there.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you have friends who are insecure about their husbands and other females? How do you stop yourself from falling into the drama trap right along with them?