Talk to Us Tuesday-Deputy Wives and Drama

She’s this amazing girl one minute and then this raging jealous freak the next.-Matt, The Vampire Diaries

Today I’m checking in with my two favorite blog girl friends Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn. I really need an ear today guys. I’m struggling with a big issue in the world of Law Enforcement spouses: drama, trust and jealousy issues.

The other night I had Walking Buddy and another new deputy wife friend over for the evening. We were having a really great time visiting and hanging out with their babies. Everything was great, until one of the wives mentioned her fears about a coworker of our husbands. Her and Walking Buddy got all upset about their men even so much as talking to this coworker, and were really fired up about it. As they were talking, I felt like they were dragging me into their world of mistrust. They even tried to get me upset because she asked one of the husband’s for Match’s phone number.

Now I trust Match 100%. But you remember when I had to deal with the slutty girl who kept hanging all over Match during academy? So I’m familiar with that feeling of uncertainty. As the wives said, they trust their men completely, it’s the women they don’t trust. I am familiar with horrible women who prey on married men. But at the end of the day we have to trust our men don’t we?

I know Match loves me no matter what. Even if my weight balloons up and I’m shopping for plus size dresses at sydneyscloset, and I know he’ll only have eyes for me. In fact he’s been more than understanding of the guy friends I’ve had in the past. So I try to extend the same courtesy. He always tells me everything, and I never have to wonder if he’s holding back.

I’m just sad that I let these girls get to me, and made me have feelings of doubt that night. The next day I talked about it all with Match, and we were both pretty bummed out. I really like these girls, and I was hoping to become good girlfriends. But it’s hard to be around girls who are so insecure and cause so much drama. They don’t even want their husbands talking to girls at work, even though it’s part of their JOB. I think it’s important to have comradeship among his colleagues, and if that means female coworkers, so be it. He will have times where he has to depend on these people for his life, and I want to be sure they’re looking out for him.

I also think by getting mad at their husbands, these wives are inadvertently pushing their husbands to lie. They’re basically making them afraid to even mention female coworkers for fear of backlash. I don’t want Match to ever feel that he has to hold anything back from me. I don’t mind him having female friends as long as I remain his best friend. He also knows there are boundaries. Going to lunch one on one with the same female coworker all the time isn’t appropriate, but talking during their shift or hanging out in groups is just fine.

My way of dealing with this new girl is to invite her to our house for Match’s birthday next week. I feel that knowing someone keeps me from wondering about them, and usually puts all fears to rest. Hopefully these deputy wives won’t mind that she’s there.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have friends who are insecure about their husbands and other females? How do you stop yourself from falling into the drama trap right along with them?

12 Comments

    Janette

    I am very proud of you for realizing this behavior because this would probably send me into a tizzy of worry! I’ll have a bad dream about a person who I can’t even see their face hitting on my husband and wake up and ask him who she is.. hah!! I don’t want you to disown me… but so many women have a feeling of insecurity and while I think its a def. trust issue, I also think some men like the jealousy/controversy b/c it makes them feel wanted… which of course makes it harder on the girls. All guys are different for sure. Its totally up to me and the hubs to be 100% with each other but I also owe him 100% and he owes me the same…. I think sometimes the girls that are feeling this way are getting less than 100% from their significant other.. who knows. I just know feeling jealous SUCKS and no one wants doubt to be thrown in the mix. Can’t wait to hear about the party..

    Impulsive Addict

    You know where I stand on this already. I like the idea of inviting her over for the bday party. That way, she gets to know you and maybe you two will hit it off. If nothing else, it goes back to “keep your friends close but enemies closer”. I’m pretty sure the other wives will flip out! Just a warning! HA!

    Thanks for linking up with us my sweet beautiful friend! xoxo

    Nadine

    YES! I have friends that are jealous of other women. Meet the girl. Make up your own mind. And you are right, they are pushing their men to hold back or lie.
    but meet the woman and see what she’s all about.

    Sarah Kate

    Oh boy. I know this scenerio well. Don’t let those girls pull you into their sad, drama-filled lives. One thing I do know is that if you start acting like the jealous, overbearing wife, Match will be MUCH more likely to complain about you to others (including the scary husband-stealer at work) and once that starts, it’s sometimes hard to come back from it. :o/ Just continue being the cool, confident girl you are and you’ll be JUST fine.

    Brittany E.

    Isn’t it funny that all the same drama we have in high school follows us into adulthood? Who knows, maybe you will have her over and she will turn into your new best friend!

    Brittany E.

    Ha are you up late and can’t sleep just like me? Or are you just up late ;P

    (FL) Girl with a New Life

    I think I handle this by picking my close friends carefully. Things like jealousy and envy can be very corrosive. I simply choose not to get too close to it.

    MiMi

    Wow, you are really intuitive and level headed. I bet those chicks would have dragged me right down into the cess pool of jealousy with them. I’m not that strong or smart. 🙂

    hotpants™

    You’re so right. Distrust only makes things worse. They’re going to make friends with females. It’s just how it is.

    Charlotte

    Awww, I haven’t stopped by in so long. I’ve missed you!

    You are wonderfully wise and mature beyond your years. You’ll never have to worry like these women do, because you have established open lines of communication with your hubby. That is always of the utmost importance. I think it’s a great idea for you to invite this woman over to get to know her a bit better. There’s no reason to go in distrusting someone; she may be a perfectly sweet girl!

    Emmy

    Sounds like you are doing all the right things. I only have one friend who is kind of like that but she lives in a different state so I don’t have to worry about being drawn in, but yea, doesn’t sound like good women to be close with.

    Seriously Shawn

    You are very wise my friend. Although I’m sure those woman didn’t think they were upsetting you they did just that. You need to surround yourself with positive woman who love and trust their husbands. As far as this coworker is concerned you need to meet her and draw your own opinion of her and she needs to she you and Match TOGETHER. You know what they say, keep your friends close and your (possible) enemies closer!

Your comments make my day!