Sweets: Dr. Saroyan, I’m having some serious problems with Daisy. Can I ask your advice? Cam: No. Sweets: No, really. Cam: Really. I have a sixteen year old, and believe me, when it comes to dating advice, I am batting a red hot zero. Sweets: But you’ve been through this like a million times yourself! Cam: Did you just call me old? –Bones
About a week and a half ago I was approached via email by a reader who was in need of some dating advice. At first I was afraid to open it. I get a lot of spam from supposed readers who really just want to plug their acne treatment reviews or some other product. Instead I was pleasantly surprised that it was a real reader asking for help. I found his problem pretty interesting, so I thought I’d share our exchange with you all. What advice would you give K?
Dear Date Girl,
My name is K and I discovered your website today while googling for dating advice. Not sure if you can offer advice on my situation, but I thought I’d give it a try since I was too embarrassed to tell my friends about it. If you have the time and the interest, I describe the incident below. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties and seemed very educated and sophisticated. We had been talking for about a half hour and really seemed to develop a great rapport. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.
Then, things suddenly went downhill. There was a pause in the conversation and I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She said, “Excuse me? Why are you talking about my figure?” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She told me I was being “inappropriate” and with a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.
As I stood there alone rubbing my cheek, I was trying to figure out why she was so upset. It seemed like a harmless comment to me but maybe I don’t understand women as well I should. I do have her email address. Do you think I should send her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as a definitive way of saying she wants no further contact?
Dear Surprised Slapped,
First of all thanks for visiting my site. I’d be more than happy to
offer my perspective. Let me start by saying I’m so sorry that happened to you. That must have been mortifying. I for one, would not have been offended. I would have been flattered. Then again, I can see where she might have been bothered and thought you were only interested in her physically. Still, a slap in the face is a major overreaction. I would say there’s no harm in an apology email, as long as you realize she may not respond. I wouldn’t send
more than one.
I’d also really look at this as maybe a sign that this is someone you
may not want to date. If she’s that easily offended, think what could
happen on a date? She sounds a little bit uptight.
All the best and good luck out there. Dating can be rough!