Hereâ€™s the thing. Relationships are like people, I guess. They begin, they have adventures, they grow old, and they die. Me and Mo both made it to old age, but we let our friendship die way too young. And that was really stupid of us. -Granddad, The Boondocks
Some of you may remember a girl who was one of my best friends whom I called Reality Check. We were friends for a long time but our friendship went sour. You can read more about it here and also here. I’ve missed her since our falling out, but I remember how she wasn’t there for me as a friend, and how much our friendship drained me. Last night after a great dinner out with Match and his parents, we ended up at a whiskey bar. As we walked to the end of the bar, you can imagine my surprise when I ran right into a very drunk Reality Check.
My heart started racing and I wonder how it would have registered on a pulse oximeter. I was happy to see her, but at the same time nervous at how she’d react when she saw me. There are two sides to every argument and I’m sure she felt I was to blame for our crumbled friendship.
I was happily surprised when she realized it was me and a huge smile broke out on her face. She grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. Then she congratulated me and Match over and over again on our engagement. The two of us both had tears in our eyes and said it was so good to see each other. I really have missed our friendship, and this happy version of RC that she was that night.
Match reminded and cautioned me the next morning that she was drunk, and could still be the unhappy, judgmental and needy person she was when we stopped hanging out. But then again, she could have changed and grown in the last year and a half. We texted each other today and we’ve arranged to meet for coffee. We’ll see how it goes. Like with reuniting with my father, I’m going to approach it without a lot of expectations and just see what happens. Match said he doesn’t want to see me hurt again and doesn’t like the idea of me getting back into a toxic friendship. I reminded him that I’ve grown a lot in our time apart, and I’m better equipped to stand up for myself in the friendship, but I appreciate his concern. We’re meeting for coffee on Monday, and hopefully it all goes well. Friendships wax and wane and I think it’s the true and lasting friendships that can withstand those changes. Friendships, just like relationships, have to be flexible and willing to allow for growth and change of the two people involved.
Have you ever lost touch with a friend and then reconnected later? How did you deal with it?