Re-building a Relationship with my Father

I always said I was too busy. It’s all very “Cat’s in the Cradle.” I don’t want to get into it. -Chandler, Friends

First I just want to thank you all for the heartfelt comments. I know I haven’t told you all the entire story of my father and the drama with my step mom (here’s a little backstory if you’re interested), but from your comments I can tell you all know where I’m coming from. I want you all to know how much it means to me that I have your support. It means so much! Last night’s dinner actually went far better than I expected. There wasn’t a lifetime television dramatic moment, no tears were shed. I know it was hard for him to say much of anything that matters, so we just caught up, which I preferred. It was like any two people that haven’t talked in a long time. At first conversation was very stilted, and almost as bad as reading insurance reviews out loud to one another, but eventually we both relaxed. Finally, after we’d exchanged pleasantries about our jobs and other small talk, he looked at me and said “it’s so good to see you”.  I could tell he was holding back some tears. It was a nice moment.

After dinner we came back to the duplex and we met with Match and took Monkey for a walk all together. That was only the second time he’s met my future husband. Earlier at dinner he’d asked me how wedding plans were going and I said things were great, and we’re just excited to be married. He said that even though he’s only met Match once before, he was impressed with him and that he seems like a great guy.

He may come over again on Friday before he leaves, but he’s not sure what his plans are. Maybe we’ll talk more about the wedding and he’ll tell me if he wants to come or not. It doesn’t really matter to me either way. The fact that he knows I’m not mad at him, and that I appreciate this small step he made is enough.  To be honest, it would be easier if he wasn’t there, because it might hurt him a lot to see my stepdad (who raised me) walk me down the aisle. I don’t want to hurt him, but this day isn’t about him, it’s about me and Match, and our life together.

I will say that I don’t think this is the end of drama with my step mom, at least not on her end. I’m sure eventually I will hear about how angry she is that she’s not invited to the wedding. But I’m happy to know that my dad finally stood up to her in that he came to visit me alone. The last time we’ve been able to spend time alone without her around was at least 8 years ago. I hope he realizes that even though I chose not to have my step mom’s drama and negativity in my life, it’s possible for me and my father to have a relationship. If he chooses not to pursue that relationship and build it back, that’s on him. At least now he knows I’m not shutting him out.

I will say that no matter what happens with the wedding, if he shows up or doesn’t, I know that he cares about me, and that feels good. And he knows that I don’t hate him or anything, and that all I wanted was a little effort from him.

5 Comments

    Brittany E.

    I think that’s great. I still feel like it is a great sign that he reached out to you. In my personal experience, my father has never reached out to me. It has always been mean doing the legwork, which is probably why it never worked for me. Obviously it has bothered him enough that he hasn’t had contact you. It sounds like maybe you got a little closure too. I have often thought if/when my father dies, will I be happy where I left things? And I know I will be because I tried everything I could. So I hope you feel that way too 🙂
    .-= Brittany E.´s last blog ..Currently Employed as a Champion Slacker & Napper =-.

    Brittany E.

    I meant me not mean! lol
    .-= Brittany E.´s last blog ..Currently Employed as a Champion Slacker & Napper =-.

    carma

    phew – relieved that all went well…maybe this is a new start
    .-= carma´s last blog ..Now Who’s the Sucker (Hides Head) =-.

    phoebe

    well i’m glad that went well… baby steps… huge sigh of relief!

    my dad and i aren’t close and it’s because of his gf… they’ve been together for almost 11 years and in those 11 years things have been rough. so. i can totally. totally understand where you are coming from.

    more blogger hugs!
    .-= phoebe´s last blog ..and another one bites the dust… =-.

    hotpantsâ„¢

    I’m glad things went well. I’m sure you can breathe a little easier now.
    .-= hotpantsâ„¢´s last blog ..The Talk of Tinseltown; Just Say No =-.

Your comments make my day!