She-Wolf Pack and the Outsider

If only you knew how mean she really is… You’d know that I’m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn’t allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn’t even like them and… it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she’s doing SAT prep but really she’s hooking up with Shane Ohman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend! -Gretchen, Mean Girls

Thursday night was Geeky’s Cinco De Mayo Party. She invited me but I just wasn’t up for it. I think Geeky is great, she’s a lot of fun, but after this last Thursday, I’m disenchanted with the rest of her friends. I just couldn’t summon the energy to be around that crowd. I didn’t get a chance to write about what happened last Thursday at the comedy show that made me realize why I don’t have a lot of girlfriends.

So Match and I got invited to Straight Edge’s birthday party. Instead of just going out for drinks, she invited everyone to a comedy show. It was so much fun! That part I absolutely loved. I also loved that since it was pretty early in the evening, Match was able to go!

Geeky invited us out to a sports bar to have dinner and watch the Sharks Game (hockey, our local team here in Northern CA, yay!). I actually like hockey so we were all for it. At the last minute, Geeky texted flaking saying that her boyfriend wasn’t even there yet and to just meet them at the comedy show. I was bummed, but then as we were eating, Match and I were glad it was just us. We hadn’t had a date night in awhile and it was so nice.

After dinner we headed to the show. We were the first ones there besides Straight Edge. She gave us both a friendly greeting and we waited for everyone else to show up. Couple Wife came in, and I was happy to see her since it’s been awhile. Instead of greeting me with a smile, she gave me a really odd look. It was almost like, “What are you doing here?” kind of a look. I was heading forward to hug her, and her look made me falter. But I pressed on and just say hi. That’s when she started acting like a royal bitch. All she did was complain loudly about hating going to bars sober because she’s pregnant. Then she told Match he looked really skinny (not in a nice way) and then she flitted off with her best friend to find seats. That’s when the rest of the girls showed up, all in dresses, all with heavy amounts of makeup on. Meanwhile, besides Straight Edge, I’m the only girl in practical jeans and no makeup. It’s not like I was wearing hip hop clothing. I was dressed nice, but just not to the nines. It was a comedy show at a local bar, on a weeknight, and these girls were dressed like they were going out to a fancy club.

Geeky came in and was friendly as ever, but she was busy with her friends. I was so grateful to have Match there because otherwise I would have felt so alone. Couple Wife barely spoke to me and when I would try to enter into her conversation with the other girls, I felt like I was being shouldered out. They all sat in the front row, leaving no room for me or Match. What was also sort of odd is those girls that brought boyfriends or husbands didn’t sit next to them. They all sat together in some sort of wolf pack.

Match and I sat in the row behind them, and Couple Hubby sat next to me. Couple Wife didn’t seem to like that very much and started whining for him to come sit behind her. “Don’t you love me anymore?” she said to him. Then he said, “Actually I want to talk with DG.” I just mumbled, “Come on man, you’re making it worse!” but he just winked at me and grinned. I think he knew she was in a bad mood and he felt like teasing her.

Once the show started we had a great time laughing it up at the comedians. Geeky did her best to try to talk to me, and Straight Edge was sweet too, but they were the only ones. Afterward, on the drive home, I told Match I was stunned by the way I was treated by CW, who I thought was my friend. He reminded me that while she is my friend, she’s also young and can be immature at times. He said she was probably jealous that I’m hanging out with her group of friends, and maybe feels threatened by me. I don’t want to replace her in any way. I just want a few girlfriends to hang out with. CW is always so busy and has so many friends, I didn’t think it’d be a problem to share. She was the one who introduced me to Straight Edge and Geeky after all.

So I don’t know, maybe it was an off night. Maybe she’s cranky because she’s pregnant. Either way I was pretty disgusted with her attitude. When she’s not around those friends, Couple Wife can be very sweet to me. She even offered to take my engagement photos and my bridal shower. She’s a good person, but I did not like who she was that day. Yesterday I just wasn’t up for another evening of being the “outsider”. I’d love to get closer to Geeky and I have a lot of fun when we hang out. I’m just not sure if I fit in with the rest of that crowd, or that I even want to.

Do any of you have friends like this? Have you ever felt like an outsider to a tight knit group? How did you handle it?

9 Comments

    Jessica

    Yes! Oh, man, I feel your pain. My closest girl friends like far away (and don’t really get along with one another, incidentally) so I usually hang out with friends one-on-one. Also, unfortunately, most of my hubby’s friends are single. Whenever I do feel like I’m being brave and making a new friend, it always seems like there’s a clique situation to contend with. Sometimes people are really nice, but I have experienced situations like the one you described.

    How do people end up at the center of these “Friends”-like groups??? It makes me feel like I did something wrong at some point in my life. I always just plaster a smile on my face and try to act like I’m at ease and ready to talk to anyone, but it’s so hard.

    Michelle

    I’ve never had a group of close girlfriends until college. Through high school I just hung out with my boyfriend of four years and his friends, which I’ve always really liked. I’d much rather go out for drinks with the guys, order a pizza, and play video games! This year I’ve sort of realized how fun going out with the girls can be–but everyone seems to just talk over one another and only listen to each other for as much time as they can stand until it’s their turn to speak. And girls get really flaky with plans, usually for boyfriends, which is not cool. I’m so sorry you got treated that way! I’ve always thought that after college I’d never have to experience that again, but I guess that she-wolf mentality stays around forever…
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..Home Sweet Frat House =-.

    Black Unicorn

    You’re certainly not the only one who struggles to ‘break in’ to really tight knit friendship groups. It’s really hard when you meet a new friend (especially at birthday parties I’ve noticed its especially bad) and then go out in a group of her friends only to discover they’ve known each other for about ten years and are having a conversation they started a week ago that you can’t contribute to because you didn’t live through what they’re talking about. But if you bring your friends along you just end up hanging around with them and feel guilty for not mingling or talking to your new friend. That’s why whenever I invite someone new to hang out with my group I make a special effort to include them and pay attention to them and normally ‘set them up’ with another friend I think they’ll get along with!
    .-= Black Unicorn´s last blog .."Watching that bitch violate my car doesn’t count as a date." =-.

    sarah @ i run with scissors

    Girl, Your story is a common story which is just so damn freaking sad. In short… girls can be bitches. Maybe it’s the pregnancy, or maybe this chick was off her xanex. Either way someone should have slapped her that night. I’m blessed that I’ve got a group of friends that actually would have slapped me should I ever behave like that. I get that we all have days (and maybe she was having one) but girls need to get called out on that shit because it’s NOT okay.

    Oh yeah, and I’m visiting from Salt Says… I’m lovin’ your digs here. Gotta go keep exploring.
    .-= sarah @ i run with scissors´s last blog ..Dear Mom (’cause I can be sentimental and shit) =-.

    Cheryl

    I’d like to say this all changes when you get over but the the truth is, it doesn’t. There are “mean girls” at every age. The best you can hope is there’s one girl who will try to make you feel welcome. If not, rise above. Rise above.

    Over from SITS
    .-= Cheryl´s last blog ..All About Moms =-.

    E

    Oh wow. I’ve been in both places. I’ve felt like the outsider but I’ve also been part of the “wolf-pack”. I hate that CW was so rude to you!!

    My friends and I have all known each other since grade school and are still very close, however we are always open to bringing newbie’s into the group. With that said I know we can all be cautious at times because in the past people have been brought in that burned us. Hope that makes sense.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is – give it one more try. Go to one more event everyone is at and go in with an open mind and try to be their friend. Pick the bitchest girl in the group and make a point to talk to her. Kinda like the alpha dog. lol once your in your in. Stupid I think.

    And just to point out me and my friends are NOTHING like that!!!! Good luck but perhaps your right, you may be better off not being friends with these girls. But I would hate for you to loose your friendship with Geeky. So I think its worth giving it one more shot.

    Brittany

    I’m such a girl’s girl, so it’s hard to relate. But that really sucks! I have no idea what was up with couple wife, but I would chock some of it up to pregnancy hormones. But I’m really surprised that they didn’t sit next to their husbands/boyfriends. I think that is a sure sign of a clique that would be really hard to break into.
    .-= Brittany´s last blog ..The Surprise Party (or a million different ways to deceive your husband) =-.

    One of The Guys

    I realized early on in my twenties that I do so much better in one on one situations. I don’t like hanging out with big groups, even though I’m reasonably good at it. It just exhausts me. So no, I haven’t experienced a lot of this. I will say, that being pregnant, is a decent excuse for having major mood swings. Not that I would know personally, I’m just sayin’! Wink!!

    Sarah Ruth

    I do know how you feel. When my best friend moved 2 states away, it was so hard on me. I still don’t have any close friends that I can hang out with locally. My sister is one of my best friends as well, but she lives an hour away so its hard for us to just randomly decide to hang out.

    Stopping by from SITS!
    .-= Sarah Ruth´s last blog ..Button Swap Blog Hop! =-.

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