Rewind Weekend-February 6, 2000

Penelope: Why the hell should I help you?
Barney: Come on, I know it didn’t work out between us but we did have a relationship.
Penelope: We had sex in your car twice and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?
Barney: Twice! –How I Met Your Mother

*Pain so bad my stomach aches. That oh too familiar hurt, emptiness. How can I ever face him?*

He dumped me. Over the phone no less. I hurt so much. All I want to do is love, and be loved. He told me I want something he can’t give me. it’s true, but why did he go out with me in the first place? I feel so dirty, so cheap. So many things rushed through my head. All I wanted was my buddy Pilot Nerd to hold me while I bawled, a quivering mass of gut wrenching emotion (Pilot Nerd was in flight school in Arizona. We went to High School together and I had a crush on him since sophomore year, who became one of my best friends, but didn’t show interest in me until I started dating Metal. MEN! Oh, and quivering mass, ewwww). Metal couldn’t even call me from his house! It was a fucking pay phone so we wouldn’t have to talk. Why did I have sex with him? How could I be so dumb? Now I have to face him, I have to experience the rift between us. Where once was laughter, now tears. Where there was passion, now frigid silence. Really DG? Really? He was never all that funny, and definitely no conversationalist. I talked to Miss PHD and Coby who are awesome friends. But they couldn’t stop my heart from breaking. Flight Nerd called, and I felt some comfort. He knows me better than most and he understood. I wish he was here I could use one of his hugs. Who am I kidding? I could use a Metal Head hug! I should have known. Eve regretted eating the forbidden fruit. Why did I have to taste? Ughhhh ok, I know I was heartbroken and all, but could I have been any more cheesy?! I had called him the “forbidden fruit” because I had a crush on him while I was dating someone else. Also, he was friends with my older brother who did NOT want us dating.

5 Comments

    Jessica

    Awww, poor thing! I feel a lot of empathy for myself when I read my old journal entries (from high school, etc.). Never downplay the pain you were feeling at that very moment. 🙂

    debbie

    That is so terrible. And the dumping not in person is just inexcusable.
    .-= debbie´s last blog ..How Things Are With The Kids In College =-.

    Brittany E.

    I like the metaphors you used when you were younger, almost like you knew we would be reading this some day. Sometimes reading over the old break up posts still bother me, just because I remember how I felt about it so cleary!
    .-= Brittany E.´s last blog ..Past Blast-Weeble, Wobble Edition =-.

    Salt

    This is cheesy to the max, but man Metal was a jerk!! He called you from a pay phone!? I want to travel back in time and kick him in the nuts.
    .-= Salt´s last blog ..It’s time to own up to my addiction. =-.

    One of The Guys

    OK, this is a bit painful to read. It’s so damn fresh. And horrifyingly amusing. And I’m not trying to be fresh.

    What’s going on here? I’m confused? Is this cathartic?
    .-= One of The Guys´s last blog ..The Looming Forest =-.

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