A Scheduled Breakup

Ted: Seriously, where do you see yourself in five years?
Robin: Where do you see yourself?
Ted: Honestly, in five years, I’d probably want to be married.
Robin: And I’d probably want to be in Argentina.
Ted: Argentina?
Robin: Or Tokyo, or Paris. Look Ted, I don’t know where I’m gonna be in five years. I don’t wanna know, I want my life to be an adventure.
Ted: We have an expiration date, don’t we? –How I met Your Mother

A few weekends ago Outdoor Girl and I met up for coffee and to go shopping, and ended up having an all out girl talk/sharefest. I didn’t realize she needed a shoulder to cry on, but I was so glad I was able to be there for her. We’re still new friends, but after our talk I felt a lot closer to her. When I got to the coffee house, I could tell right away she needed to talk. We sat down and immediately her eyes filled with tears as she said, “I think I have to end things with Outdoor Guy”.

She told me how when she first met him, she wasn’t looking for anything serious. She knew she wanted to go to grad school somewhere outside of California, and she didn’t want to tie herself to this place. What was supposed to be a casual thing has now lasted for over two years, and developed into a deeper connection. Before she was with OG, she dated a really controlling and emotionally abusive man who was a lot older than her. He sounds a lot like Crazy Guy, so I could relate.

After finally getting the courage to break it off with her evil ex, she didn’t date for a long time. When she met Outdoor Guy she still had a lot of emotional baggage about dating. Her crazy ex was her only other boyfriend, and so OG was really a rebound that has lasted for two years. She told me she loves him, but looks at him as a companion rather than a boyfriend. She also opened up to me about her trouble with wanting to have sex. She said that her and OG only have sex about two or three times a month, and that she never wants to do it. She definitely is in need of a good counselor to talk to and work out her issues with. I personally think it’s a side effect from the fact that she knows ultimately he’s not right for her.

I feel so sad for her, because I know a decision like that is so hard to make. When there is nothing wrong with the guy, and they’ve done everything right, but that spark is just missing. It’s a really tough thing to do, and usually you end up losing that friendship because they aren’t missing the spark from the relationship, you are.

After our talk, she ended up having a long conversation with Outdoor Guy. They discussed how she’ll be leaving eventually, so they sort of “scheduled” a breakup. They know it’s going to end eventually, but neither of them is ready to completely let go. To me, that’s almost worst than just ripping off the bandaid. But I can understand their hesitation. Plus on a completely selfish side, Match and I adore them as couple friends and we are so bummed at the idea of them not being together! I swear, we’re cursed when it comes to finding other couples to hang out with. Drama Chick and B broke up and now Outdoor Couple! At least we still have the original Couple Friends to hang with.

Has anyone out there ever been in Outdoor Girl’s shoes? Did you ever schedule a breakup?


    Persha -DumpedDays

    Well, there was a time once when I new.. the break up was only a few days ahead.
    .-= Persha -DumpedDays´s last blog ..Getting Back With Your Ex: Desperate Pleadings You Should Not Fall For =-.

    Newlywed & Unemployed

    A tough situation, but I admire your friend for taking the initiative and you for being supportive. I once believed that relationships (especially marriage) should be work and that if it wasn’t requiring constant effort, it wasn’t going right. But now on my second marriage, I realize that one’s relationship should be one of the most effort-less things in one’s life.

    Stopping by from SITS.

    Newlywed & Unemployed

    Grrr.. I don’t think my comment went through. Stupid Mozilla.. *sigh* Anyway, I wanted to give props to both of you for the initiative and reaffirm that one’s relationship should be one of the most effort-less things in one’s life. I used to think if it wasn’t constant work and upkeep, I was doing something wrong.

    Stopping by from SITS.
    .-= Newlywed & Unemployed´s last blog ..How to Make a Keyword Resume: Start with a Word Bank =-.


    wow thats kinda wierd…. or is it just me? I’ve never scheduled a break up. But I have been with guys that I knew would never turn into a future but were good for the time being. So maybe along the same lines. I agree though just rip the baind aid off!
    .-= E´s last blog ..The Trip ~ Part 2 ~ Marine Ball =-.

    Penny Lane

    I’m sorry they broke up and you don’t have them as best couple friends anymore, but it sounds like you really helped Outdoor Girl. And that even though you don’t have best couple friends anymore, you have a good girl friend in Outdoor Girl.

    I’ve never scheduled a break-up out loud…but knew in my head it would eventually end. Kind-of scheduled it with myself, I guess, to prepare me for it maybe. Glad break-ups are behind me and you! 🙂
    .-= Penny Lane´s last blog ..T.M.I. Thursday =-.

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