The Monster in Law Moment

Katsura: I’ve never understood what goes on in your head.
Gintoki: I love the thrill of a real fight. That’s why I hate this trickery you’re pulling. Our fight is over. And yet you come, time and time again, pestering me about it. What are you, my mother-in-law? –Gintama

Match is one of those guys who has a great relationship with his parents. We often spend weekend evenings at their house enjoying dinner and drinks together. Match’s parents have always made me feel like a part of the family, since the first day we met. I never doubted their affection for me, until a few Sundays ago, when I got my first glimpse of Match’s Mom’s in the middle of a meltdown. What was supposed to be a pleasant evening turned into a monster in law moment that Match and I couldn’t get away from fast enough.

When we first arrived at Match’s parents, we both could tell that M’s Mom was in a foul mood. She yelled at Match for letting our dog in the house, even though she’s always been fine with it in the past. So immediately I went to the kitchen and started making small talk with M’s dad. We actually have a lot in common; we’re both techy, and we both like to read and cook. We also like to avoid confrontation so we let Match and his Mom battle it out about the dog.

They seemed to work it out, and we proceeded to have a nice dinner. About midway through dessert everything changed. The subject of jealousy had come up in conversation, and I was saying how I’m very lucky that Match isn’t a jealous person, and it’s so nice that I can have my guy friends (Like BT) and Match doesn’t worry about them. I said I try not to be jealous either, and haven’t had to deal with it too much, except for the time Match’s Ex wrote the emails. M’s Mom didn’t know this story, and some of you might not either.

I’ll keep it brief and say basically about 3 or 4 months after Match and I started dating, his ex emailed him saying how she wished they were still together, and all of this inappropriate stuff. Match told me all about it, and what he wrote back to her. I appreciated him coming to me about it, and while I was pissed at her for it, I figured ok, problem solved. Then about a month or so later, she did it AGAIN. At that point I said if she does it again she’s answering to me. But luckily that never came up, and Match handled it all very smoothly. So I told M’s parents this story, and thought it was all kind of funny and silly. I was basically just telling the story to say that I’m not a jealous person, but I was definitely tested in those moments.

For some reason, M’s Mom starts sticking up for his Ex. She starts going off on how I should be more considerate of other people’s feelings, and that she feels sorry for her because her heart was broken by Match in the past. I just sat there stunned, thinking, what in the world? Did she like this girlfriend better? I looked at Match and he was as bewildered as I was. He even said, “But Mom you hated her, you told me all the time how she wasn’t right for me.” At this point we both realized she was drunk, and wasn’t making much sense. She just kept going on and on about how it was Match’s choice who he dated, and she didn’t care who the person was as long as he was happy. Now that was the clincher for me, because I was sitting right there!

It’s fine to say you don’t care who your son dates, just as long as he’s happy. I get that. But when the girl he’s dating is sitting right there, and has had countless outings, holidays, and dinners spent with the family, you would think they would care at that point right? That I was a member of the family, and that they loved me? That’s what I had thought. So I sat there feeling like M’s Mom was basically saying she didn’t care about me. Match’s Dad did his best to shut her up, but she just kept going off. Then she just burst into tears without warning and ran out of the room.
Match ran after her, after giving me another confused look. M’s Dad gave me a hug and said he had no idea what was going on with her, that it was probably a combination of The Change and too much wine, and to not let it get to me.

Match went to his mom’s room and tried to comfort her as I packed up our things to leave. He came out looking angry but not saying a word until we got into the car. He told me she didn’t make much sense, that he was incredibly embarrassed by her behavior, and that he loves me with all of his heart. I asked him what she had meant by what she said, and he said he didn’t think she even knew what she was saying.

The next day she had emailed me and Match an apology, saying she was sorry about how the night turned out. She never apologized for what she said to me, she just said that there was a misunderstanding. Then Match did a great thing: he met with her at lunch and stood up for me. I don’t know many men who would do that, and I appreciated it so much. He said he was embarrassed by how she acted towards us, and he had no idea what her deal was. She didn’t really explain herself, just said that she thought I was being too harsh on other people. Never mind the fact that it was Match’s Ex who was disrespectful of Match and our relationship. M’s Mom reassured Match that she loves me, and that she thinks of me as her own, and she was basically chastising me like she would her own daughter. I think she just forgot who she was talking to, and in her drunken state didn’t really understand the point of the story.

It was nice that she apologized, even if she didn’t admit responsibility. I’ve gotten to know Match’s mom a bit, and I know she’s a bit stubborn. I’m pretty sure she was embarrassed at how she acted.

For me, I’m just nervous about the next time we see each other. I’m hoping all will be as if that night never happened. Unfortunately, M’s Mom went on a trip, and the next time we see each other will be Thanksgiving, with her entire family. I’ve always felt so welcome at their family functions, but now I just feel this shroud of doubt. I feel like that whole night I was no longer a member of the family. I was just a random girlfriend of Match’s, that may not last. I think that’s what hurt the most about it. But Match insists it’s not the case, and I certainly don’t feel that way with M’s Dad. We’ll just have to see how Thanksgiving goes, and I’ll do my best to forget about the whole evening. I won’t lie though, I kind of wish we were spending the Thanksgiving holiday in the nassau bahamas instead! Just kidding. But hopefully I’ll be able to write that the holiday was great and that M’s Mom just wasn’t herself that night.

10 Comments

    Sarah

    Good luck! Your guy sounds great sticking up for you. The in-laws are like parents – you can’t choose ’em, but you gotta live with ’em!

    Looking forward to hearing what happens.
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..The Stages of Breaking Up: feeling like a failure =-.

    Michelle

    No you’re not! Bahamas or family? Seriously????

    Well that seemed awkward. to say the least.

    glad my in laws never drink.
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..Writer’s workshop-A new baby =-.

    ONE of THE GUYS

    I’m sure everything will be normal when you see them for Thanksgiving.

    The big thing for me with your story was that Match stuck up for you. Sometimes when a guy has a great relationship with one parent, usually the mother, it can lead to problems. Like being a momma’s boy. His dad sounds like a nice balance, which is important.

    Like I’ve said before, or maybe I haven’t. Match is definitely ONE of THE GUYS!!

    Keep us posted.
    .-= ONE of THE GUYS´s last blog ..Reading on the Can? =-.

    Tina Lane

    Moms always have an especially strange attachment to their sons. I wouldn’t take any of that personally. Sounds like she was drinking and feeling sorry for herself about who knows what. That would explain why she sided with the rejected ex. I think this is just the universe giving you a heads up of what to expect moving forward from mom.

    Found you on SITS!

    E

    Oh wow!! Not even really sure what to say to this….. At least she apologized but even that can’t take back the hurtful words. It sounds like she was having a bad day and you just happened to catch the brunt of it. Don’t let it get you down!!! I’m sure Thanksgiving will go fine and all this will be water under the bridge!
    .-= E´s last blog ..The Girly Things =-.

    Suki

    You must be really hurt and I understand that bit of doubt you feel.
    Hopefully Thanksgiving turns out great for you.
    Match must be such a wonderful guy. That he stood up for you is amazing 🙂
    You are so lucky to have him.

    pinkjellybaby

    I wouldn’t worry too much, it sounds like she was having a ‘senior’ moment as I’d call it and got herself all in a state. I’m sure it was nothing to do with you and just down to her being in a funny mood x
    .-= pinkjellybaby´s last blog ..Protected: Saucy Soapy Friday =-.

    Michelle

    Oh my gosh, I had a moment that was SO similar to this last weekend, when L.’s parents were in town for the weekend. L.’s dad sounds a lot like Match’s dad–very reasonable, rational, really loves me and loves to have convos with me (is Match an only child or does the family have all boys? That’s the case (both) for L. and I think his dad always wishes he had a daughter.) Anyways, L. had to leave dinner early to prepare for the show he was in that night, so I had dinner for TWO HOURS with his parents. Normally that would have been great because I love them, but L.’s mom kept bringing up the topic of what would happen when we graduated from college next year. She stressed that L. really needed to move to California, where they live, so that he could keep his residency and have an easier chance getting into UC schools. Somehow the convo degenerated into her basically suggesting that I let L. go after college and pursue my career, and let him go to med school unencumbered, and we should date other people, and after that it’d be oh-so-nice when we found our way back to each other. I was really stunned. If I’ve learned anything in my life, it’s that if you find someone who truly makes you the best version of yourself, and really supports and gets you, you need to hang on to that, because opportunities and jobs etc. will come up–if not often–more often than great people. L.’s dad agreed with me, sticking up for me and telling L.’s mom that that situation is idealistic and never works, and if we really love each other we either need to make our post-college plans around each other or be prepared to fight for long distance. The worst part is that L. wasn’t there so he couldn’t really stick up for me, so he was just as shocked as I was. I’m still kind of hurt by it, and while I know she’s going through a lot right now and has apparently been that way with a lot of people, so it probably wasn’t personal, I can’t help but feel that it was.

    Wow…sorry for the long comment…maybe I need to blog about this!
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..Lovely Blog Award =-.

    Tina T

    It is difficult in a situation like this, because once the words have come out they don’t go away even after the apology is made. Over time you will probably have more times like this, it’s just the families are.

    Just think about how it would be if it were one of your family members who did this and not someone in his family. You’ll get used to forgiving his family the same way you would forgive your own. On the bright side, she must feel very comfortable with you to let this bad side of herself show in front of you. (actually, not sure if that’s the bright side or dark side) but families do weird things whether their you own family or your guy’s family.
    .-= Tina T´s last blog ..Love, Lies and Body Language =-.

    Michaela

    You sounds like you have a great guy!! Good for him for sticking up for you to his mother, you’re right not all men would do that. Sorry to hear that the even didn’t turn out as well as planned… good luck at Thanksgiving!
    Stopping by from SITS to say hi.
    .-= Michaela´s last blog ..Foto Friday – Buzz Lightyear =-.

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