Every year I do research to determine which toy will be the most popular of the Christmas season. This year, it’s a doll: half girl, half unicorn. Catch phrase: [reading box] “my horn can pierce the sky.” Pathetic. I bought out every store in the area over the past couple of weeks, and, as lazy parents become more desperate, I will sell them, at an enormous profit. Isn’t that right, princess? -Dwight, The Office
Match and I had our costumes planned out for Halloween ever since we saw last year’s Christmas episode of The Office. Anyone familiar with that episode? Match was going to go as Dwight, and I was going to go as….
We had the idea, and then while searching through Match’s sister’s closet, we discovered that she had a thrift store dress that worked perfectly as the Princess Unicorn dress. Score! So complete with the crown and fake jewelry, I spent a grand total of $5 on my costume. I think I look a lot like the character, what do you think?
Unfortunately, we determined that Match really couldn’t pull off Dwight. For one thing, his head is too small. And for the other, his hair is too short, and well, he pretty much doesn’t resemble Dwight in any way. Then we thought maybe he could dress up as an old man when he first injured his ankle but we didn’t have any wrinkle cream to make it look like he had wrinkles, and his ankle was almost healed, so we didn’t need a cane. So for a last minute costume, we pulled off this little gem:
Those are donkey ears, that I found last year for $2 in a thrift store and bought on a whim.
If you can’t see in the second picture, that’s a name tag that says Jack. He’s also wearing a ridiculous shirt that says “Welcome to the Gunshow”. Then he went around being a jerk to everyone. Yes folks, he was a jackass.
We had a great time at Birthday Twin’s party, despite most people not having a clue what either of us were. No one seemed to be a fan of satire, or of the show The Office. A couple people got it, but only after I said what I was. Most people thought I was a princess with a weird horn on my head.
Being at Birthday Twin’s house was oddly surreal. He still has a couple of the same roommates he did when we were that sort of couple. There were also a few people there who met me when I’d come over to BT’s late at night, so that was a little awkward. But I introduced Match and he just rolled with the double takes and gave a big grin. At one point when someone asked how we knew BT he laughed and said, well, he used to date my girlfriend before me, but we’re all friends now. Oh, and I went to college with him! He took it all in stride, and was so laid back about it. He was a far better sport than I ever could have been, I must admit.
Birthday Twin was sweet as usual, but he was definitely pretty toasted. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever seen him more than buzzed, and it was safe to say that as the night progressed he could only be called shithoused. At one point he came up to me to take a picture, and instead of a nice picture of the two of us, we got this:
He was dressed as Ron Burgundy and I guess he took his character a little too far. Yes he’s biting my boob. Luckily there was padding and an ill fitting dress, so I didn’t even feel it. Oh, and Match took the picture, laughing his head off. I told you he really is very laid back!
At one point in the evening, BT’s flavor of the month showed up. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her much, and I was really ok not getting to know her. With BT’s current state of mind, I know he’s still not ready for a long term girlfriend, and this girl will probably not last. She seemed nice enough, and her and two girlfriends came dressed as the Three Blind Mice, which was pretty darn cute. They had cute little gray outfits, mouse ears, sunglasses and blind walking sticks. They pulled off cute but not slutty. I was pretty impressed by how many costumes at the party were creative, and not just slutting it up like you normally see on Halloween.
The one weird part of the night happened as I went to fetch refills for me and Match, while he watched some people playing beer pong. I was standing on the steps of the house, headed back to the garage, when Birthday Twin stopped me. He stood there, ok, swayed there, and looked at me, very serious. Then he said, “You know, I have to tell you this. When we were together…the sex…was pretty amazing.”
I did NOT expect him to say that. I expected him to say something typically BT, like, I’m so glad you guys are here, I’m happy for you, that sort of thing. And then that dropped out of his mouth? Me not knowing what to say, I started cracking jokes like I always do when taken off guard. I just said, “Really? I thought I was the type that would just lay there, good to know I’m not bad in bed!” Then I did the ol’ nervous giggle, change the subject really quick thing. The funny part was it didn’t feel like he was hitting on me, I think in really awkward boy way, he was just trying to pay me a compliment. I think saying “cute costume” would have been much more appropriate! But then he sort of snapped out of his drunken haze and said that Match is a great guy, and that he’s glad we came.
With that, the rest of the night went smoothly. I told Match what BT had said, and how it wasn’t super creepy how he said it, just totally random. He both chuckled about it, because we both know that BT is kind of a random guy and that he didn’t mean any harm by it. Match kissed me and said that I’m his, and BT didn’t know what he had when he had me. He gave me a squeeze and whispered, “and I’m not going to be dumb enough to let you get away!”