Marriage-An Outdated Institution?

Lisa: I wonder why Mom and Dad are doing marriage counseling. If you listen closely, you can here them arguing now. (they then listen closely)
Homer (in distance): And I say a monkey can mow our lawn! –The Simpsons

Coast Sister sent me this link to an article, written by a bitter divorcee, and it got me so fired up I had to blog about it. The article, written by Sandra Tsing Loh, basically denounces marriage as outdated and useless in today’s world.

I think what bothers me the most is how Sandra feels it’s not worth it to work on a relationship. When you’ve been together with someone for a long time, you have to make time for each other, reignite that spark. It’s work, but anything worthwhile is going to take a little effort.

On the one hand, I do think that there are times divorce is necessary. I’m a child of divorce, and I can tell you, had my parents stayed together I would have been begging for them to separate. But before it comes to that big D, you have to try to make things work. In the article Sandra talks about her girlfriend who is also contemplating divorce. She says her husband won’t sleep with her anymore because she’s gained so much weight. She binge eats because he won’t sleep with her. Both husband and wife should have started communicating when this first happened. Go to counseling, figure out the problem, seek a solution. Don’t just stick your head in the sand, shrug and say, this is my life and it sucks.  You break out the Kettlebell and start working out, if nothing to feel better about yourself. Then you communicate with your husband and say the reasons you’ve gained weight is because you don’t feel wanted anymore. You talk to each other, what a novel concept!

Match and I discussed it and we both agree that divorce should be the very last resort. It just bothers me that in some ways our society is so throw away, so disposable. Even marriage to some people isn’t “til death do us part”. Instead it has become, “until it becomes inconvenient”. I think this attitude roles over into work ethic, parenting, et cetera. It’s just a bad way of thinking in general.

I know that when it comes my time to say I do, I will make sure I know my partner, and know that we will work. It’s not a decision I will take lightly, because I don’t want to end up in that percentale of the divorced and bitter. So what about you readers? Do you believe in marriage?

8 Comments

    E

    Ok I skimmed the article… but she seems to jump sides on the issue (or was I skimming to fast). Personal opinion I want to believe in marriage. That said I am 26 and divorced. Any one reading the last sentence probably thinks, “oh she rushed into it”. No we were together for 8 years total but only married for 1. Coming from parents who meant to ‘death do us part’ were married 27 years when my father passed away ~ so when I said I do I said it with the intentions of it being forever. But sh*t happens I guess is what I have learned. No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you work at sometimes, and for only God know’s why, it just doesn’t work. Yet I still believe in marriage. I feel like a failure for becoming a statistic but that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in marriage and what it represents…. ok think I may have to do a post on this to! lol πŸ™‚

    Suki

    I want to believe in marriage.
    I think if you’ve found the right man it will work out. You are never prevented from some desaster in your lifes but you go and figure out together what you want and need to do.
    Fight for it, because there’s a reason you married the person and this person made your heart melt once (or twice). You should remember it when hard times come. Remember how happy you are or were with the person and try to change things. Don’t throw it away because it is oh so easy.

    Rica

    LOL @ Homer. πŸ™‚

    Yeah, I do believe in marriage. As long as the couple really do love each other, they can truly make it. I saw it with my parents. I still don’t see me as the marriage type though, ironically πŸ˜›

    Date Girl

    @E-I know from your blog just how much you worked on your relationship, and yours is definitely one where you can say you put the work in and it just wasn’t meant to be. But I don’t think you’re part of the statistic, at least not the ones that take the easy way out, because I know with Ex it was anything but easy.
    @Suki & Rica- I agree, fight for it. At least put in the work before calling it quits.

    Brittany E.

    I just think so often people enter into marriage thinking it will be simple. But it takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going! I never really cared if I got married or not as a child, my mom is on her third marriage and my dad has been married 6 times. I just feel like I have learned for their mistakes, and expect us to have some rough patches eventually.

    Shannon

    I don’t know how I feel about marriage anymore. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we’re very happy but I still don’t know if I want to get married. I think it’s partially because over the past 6 years we watched his parents who were together for over 30 years divorce and over the past year I’ve watched my mother who has been with my dad for almost 30 years have an affair and now their divorcing.

    I don’t know if it’s realistic.

    Coast Sister

    I’m glad this is stirring up so much conversation and thoughts. I was just perplexed by this article. My parents have been married for 30+ years and BELIEVE me there have been up and REALLY down, downs. However, they always found each other in the end. It took work but they are still married and I think they are happier now than they were when we were all kids. ( I think 6 kids kind of bog you down a bit)

    Personally, I want to believe in marriage. That’s one thing my husband and I discussed before getting married 6 1/2 years ago. I wanted to know how he felt about marriage. He said that divorce was not an option in his mind. His parents have also been married 30+ years. So I think we want to believe we can make it.

    That being said, I have 2 sisters that have had some crazy marriages. Sometimes their fault, sometimes the husbands. So it’s not like a stand back and judge those that do get a divorce. I see that not everything is black and white. But personally, I hope it’ll be “til death to we part”.

    Esther

    Hi. Even with the right man, marriage requires a lot of work. Don’t even talk about marriage, just being in a relationship.

    I ve been with my bf for 9 years and I say it’s really the little things that count. If we keep brushing all the small things under the carpet, it’ll eventually become big and blow up in our faces.

    Not only that, sometimes I feel like we’re old married couples and it’s good to once in awhile as you mentioned.. to ignite the spark.. to create some romance..

    I wish you all the best in your marriage and I hope it’ll be a wonderful journey together despite the ups and downs! =)

Your comments make my day!