Missing Close Friendships

Did you ever once show me any friendship? Ever ask my help in a personal problem? Include me in one of your little bull sessions? Can you imagine how it feels to walk by this tent and… (She gasps and breaks down)…hear your laughter and know that I’m not welcome? When did one of you ever even offer me a lousy cup of coffee?! -Margaret, M*A*S*H

Last night I offered to cook dinner for Couple Friends. I had this idea in my head that they would come over to our place and have dinner, maybe play games or just drink wine and talk. Couple Hubby and Match decided they wanted to watch the Nascar race that CH had recorded the day before on his DVR. So dinner got moved to Couple Friends’ house. I thought it would still be a good time, because Couple Wife and I could gab in the kitchen while the men watched sports. I was really looking forward to a girl’s chat, and had been really needing one for the past few weeks. Little did I know that my innocent offer to cook would make me Kitchen Slave while Couple Friends and Match relaxed on the couch watching the race.

I tried not to be bummed, but I couldn’t help feeling left out while they sat there relaxing and I was slaving away in the kitchen. Match even came into the kitchen a few times to give me kisses and ask how I was doing. He could tell I was a bit let down, but he couldn’t fix it. What was I supposed to do? Demand that CW come hang out with me? I knew that would be juvenile. Still, I guess I just hoped that since we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks that she would want to.  I called Coast Sister the next day to tell her about it, because I knew she would understand. We’re a lot alike, and if it had been us having a friend cook in our house, we’d be in the kitchen asking if we could help. In her defense, CW did offer to help, but she did so with a half heartedness that suggested she just wanted to stay where she was. I don’t blame her in a way, it is nice to have someone do all the work, and she’s a new mom, and probably tired most of the time. I can’t pretend to know what that’s like. Still, I couldn’t help being a little let down by the evening.

At work today, I started thinking about how even though Couple Wife is always so friendly, she rarely goes out of her way to invite me to anything. Back in October, both Match and I were both anticipating Halloween invitations to different parties, and hoping to hang out with Couple Friends. As some of my faithful readers know, we were never invited. Then Christmas and New Years came and went without an invitation to the many parties they frequented.  Then there are the few times I’ve asked her to go on walks, or go for a cup of coffee. She does so, but I just wish it was reciprocated sometimes. I know she has a lot of friends, and sometimes I get the feeling she just doesn’t have room for anymore, at least not on a closer level.

I miss my Coast Sister and I’m so grateful she’s available via IMs, texts, and phone calls. Still, it would be so nice if she lived in the same town. I miss Reality Check at times, the old RC who I could talk to and laugh with, or just go on a walk with. I miss Brazil, who is now in total Mommy mode (I know she’ll come around eventually, but let’s face it, she’s a mom, she’s changed). I miss Personality Twin and her crazy stories. Maybe I just need to make a visit out to the East Coast to see CS. If only I had the vacation time! And maybe I just need to give Couple Wife time. Maybe like me she’s been burned by friends so she takes awhile to let someone get close. And maybe like Match said, she just had an off day. All I know is I am going to let her be the one to invite me to do something next. If she never does, well then I guess I have my answer eh?

How about you girls? Do any of you have trouble maintaining close girl friendships? Why does it seem to be harder the older we get?



    I’m with you girl.
    I don’t have that close girl frienships, because no one can understand why I am having one (nearly two annoying, sometimes making hard work) dogs. But it’s just me and the way I am. I don’t know. I think I am used to be alone somedays. And yes it would be great hanging out with some girls. I hnag out sometimes with some work buddys, but they only want to do partying a lot. Sometimes I just feel like hanging around in front of the TV having a good laugh, like I had with my best friend when I was a little girl.
    Why is life in generell always that hard?


    I find it very hard…my good friends are in the UK. I do have a few friends here but they are a bit younger than me and I sometimes feel a bit out of the loop.
    I’m crap at making friends anyway!


    Your right as we get older it is hard because everyones lifes are heading in different directions. Seeing CW is a new mom it may have been nice for her to have a chance to relax but she could have pulled up a stool or something in the kitchen at least and visited with you while you cooked. It would have hurt my feelings to. Just give it some time. Maybe right now she just has to much on her plate to really contribute to the new friendship you are trying to create…. 🙁

    Coast Sister

    Oh DateGirl, this was very well said. Why is it that our lives always seem to mirror one another? So strange. ha! That’s why God gave us each other-so we know that we’re not alone. (although the distance makes it feel that way at times.)

    I know that CW is a new mommy BUT as stated above by E why didn’t she pull up a chair or a stool and visit with you? Perhaps its just not in her DNA. Maybe she’s not used to a girlfriend who wants to just sit and chat.

    Suki- I know what you mean. I LOVE to sometimes just veg out and watch TV (or at least have the TV turned on and kind of watch it..haha) and talk to my friends. That’s what friendships basically consisted of before we all grew up and had a million things on our plates. Perhaps it’s time to go back to the basics.

    DateGirl you know that you’re welcome ANYTIME! I will clear my dance card for you anyday. Of course, as of late, it’s been pretty empty. haha! Stupid military that moves all my friends away.

    Life takes us on twists and turns, ups and downs, and let’s just hold on and wait for that UP. I think that she’ll come around. I honestly think that she’s just not built that way. It seemed to me that she was that popular girl that always had invites and so she’s not used to having to do the inviting. It doesn’t mean she loves you any less. It just means that she’s the girl I envied in grade school. hahaha!

    As we get older it is hard to make friends. Once school isn’t there to help us communicate with new people than it becomes very difficult. There’s been times where I’ve randomly talked to people in the supermarket, or out at the beach, and I’d think WOW, they are so cool. But if I asked for their email or phone number so we could meet up than they would probably think I’m a freak. It’s difficult.

    Okay, I’ve rambled way to long. Just know that you’re not alone. Everyone goes through this at some point or another.

    Date Girl

    Thanks you guys! I’m glad I have my blog girls 🙂

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