Getting on the Same Page

Later that night, I got to thinking about men, and women and relationships. Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships. Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head. What if everything isn’t the man’s fault? After a certain age, and a certain number of relationships; if it still isn’t working and the ex’s seem to be moving on and we don’t, perhaps the problem isn’t the last boyfriend, or the one before him, or even the one before him! Could it be, that the problem isn’t them, but horror of horrors – is it us? -Carrie, Sex and the City

Yesterday I had one of those days where I was just in a foul mood. I flipped out on Match while we were IMing at work. I just felt like for the first time he really didn’t get me, or understand how I was feeling, and I was unbelievably frustrated. It all started a few days ago when he told me he’s going to spend a large sum of money on his car. Now, that might not seem like much, but it just made me feel like we are in completely different places in our lives, and it made me incredibly sad.
As I drove home from work, fuming, I called my Coast Sister because I knew she could talk me out of my irrational mood. I just have to say that I love CS. She is so good about being there for me. Whether it’s me pestering her to help me find good travel deals at the hotel she works for, or I just need to talk, she always does her best to help. Yesterday was definitely one of those days. She listened to me complain about Match and understood what I couldn’t convey to him. Talking it out with her helped me figure out what was really bothering me.
I guess I was scared that Match’s priorities lately seem to be on the present, with nothing focused on the future. I was scared because I’m in this for the long haul, and I’m looking towards marriage, buying a house, ecetera. I thought that Match was on the same page as me, but these past few days he’s seemed like a high school kid with a new toy.

I was also feeling neglected because of Match’s schedule, and the fact that we don’t have weekends together that often. His parents swooped in on him and took his upcoming Sunday to have him help around the yard. I understand that he wants to help them, but I couldn’t help but feel left out. The last time they asked for his help, they told me I didn’t need to help, and Match just went alone. That meant yet another day where I was home alone and he was off working. I guess I just reached my breaking point and I lost it with him, even though this crazy schedule of his is not his fault.

So after talking things through with Coast Sis, I felt I had better words to bring to the table, instead of just yelling at him.

I told Match how disappointing it was that his weekends seem to always be full, and that I’m just missing quality time with him. I also told him that while I’m in full support of him doing whatever he wants with his money, deep down I had hoped that he would want to start saving some of it for our future.

He said that this is the first relationship he’s been in where he felt he could actually think about himself for once. Where he felt he had free will, and he appreciates that so much. In his past, he always had clingy, bossy girlfriends who would get mad at him if he had so much as a hobby.

He also confessed that the reason he didn’t include me with helping his parents is that he thought I wouldn’t enjoy it, and that I would rather spend time alone. I think what really frustrated me the most is that he didn’t understand that while he’s off working all the time, I have an abundance of free time. This is great, but it can get super lonely. I do have friends I can hang out with at times, but he’s my best friend, my boyfriend, and I want to spend time with him.

It really made me sit back and think about how he’s been feeling. Here I have all this free time on my hands, and poor Match has absolutely none. And he feels pulled in every direction, and all he does is try to please everyone.
After we talked, he looked at me with puppy dog eyes and said, “I just thought everything was going so well.” I said of course it is, we’re just talking things out. Don’t you like to talk things out instead of letting it fester? And he admits that he usually let’s problems fester till things break. He said he was glad we weren’t doing that.
After our little talk, he was so sweet-he even vacuumed the apartment for me, because he knows how much I hate it. He said he realized that I’ve been the one to do all the chores since he’s been so busy, and he wanted to do his part.  He also grabbed me in a big hug and whispered in my ear that I’m the love of his life. I think after our talk he finally understood where I was coming from, and better yet, I understood where he was coming from too. It felt nice to be on the same page once again.

8 Comments

    Brittany

    I’m so glad you guys worked it out-and its better now. I was worried when I saw your tweet!

    jenn

    aaawwwwwwwww. so sweet! keep talking….thats key in any relationship!!

    Coast Sister

    I’m always here to listen…..it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this crazy world called LOVE. πŸ™‚

    You’ll work it out, that’s what ‘long haul’ means.

    Day 12 of the THE LOVE DARE says “LOVE LETS THE OTHER WIN”
    —— an excerpt I thought that you would like—–
    “The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. That’s not to say your mate is necessarily right or being wise about a matter, but you are choosing to give strong consideration to their preference as a way of valuing them.”

    pinkjellybaby

    I always say that it’s better to talk things out, otherwise the problem just gets bigger.

    It’s hard when you have a lot of free time and feel like you don’t get to see him but at least now he knows how you feel and will hopefully include you in things more!

    Rica

    Dammit, dammit, dammit.
    Now, I miss having a boyfriend. πŸ™

    I’m happy for you though πŸ™‚

    Suki

    That’s so sweet of him!
    Everything will work out as long as you keep talking.

    Hardt

    We always have to remember that no relationship is perfect, there are ups and downs and times when you are not only on different pages but completely different books!

    Jen

    God, I want a relationship πŸ™ But I’m so happy for you.

    Btw, LOVE the SATC quote!!!! πŸ™‚

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