Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And its not cheating if she’s from a different area code. -Barney, How I Met Your Mother

The leaves are changing, the wind is getting chilly, and we’re getting close to my favorite season, fall. Match and I stayed up late last night talking costume ideas, even though we’ve yet to receive any Halloween invitations . I love that we’re going to have couple costumes, something I’ve never done but always wanted to do. It got me thinking back to the last Halloween I spent with a boyfriend, way back in September of 2005. It was memorable because that was when I was dating Cheater Guy, and he made sure it was a night I wouldn’t soon forget.
Cheater Guy and I met through a mutual friend in college, the fall of my super senior year. My first impression of him was that he was goofy, kind of arrogant, and only slightly attractive, if it wasn’t for his giant ears. I didn’t think much of him at first-but like most of my exes and a planter’s wart, he grew on me. He asked me out a few times, but I always had excuses, and finally I caved. I went out with him, and we had a lackluster date. I remember so clearly my roommate asking me why I agreed to a second date, and I shrugged, and said, because he asked me. I know, pretty pathetic, but at the time my self worth was fairly low. Cheater gave me the attention I hadn’t had in awhile, and so I went for it.

We had only been dating for about a month when Halloween rolled around. I had talked to Cheater about what he was going to dress up as, hoping we could go as a duo of some sort. He informed me that he and his friends had already decided they were going to be the cast of Reno 911. He said I could be the ugly girl with short hair if I wanted, and I was horrified. That was the beginning of what I should have seen as huge deal breakers. I decided to go as Super Girl, and I got a kick ass costume. I must say that was my favorite costume year, even if my escort was a jerk.

We headed out to the local bars, and immediately Cheater went off into the crowd, ditching me. I found some of my friends and we watched in horror as Cheater Guy and his best friend approached different girls and basically drooled all over them. He was hitting on some pretty skanky girls, even taking pictures with them and hanging on them. Since he was dressed as a police officer, he had a night stick with him, and I had it when he actually used his night stick to flip up a girl’s skirt. Seriously, I’m not even exaggerated. When I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, he told me I was being unreasonable. He said that it was Halloween and that it was no big deal, it was all harmless flirting. He spent the rest of the night at my side, with my friends throwing him eye daggers the rest of the night.

After that, my roommate told me he refused to be in the same room as Cheater Guy. From then on out, whenever Cheater came over, my roommate hid in his room, or left the house. My friends never once lied to me about Cheater, they were always very open about their dislike of the sleaze ball.

I wish I could say that I dumped Cheater Guy shortly after the Halloween incident, but I didn’t. We continued to date, he continued to flirt, and then I started to get suspicious. He had told me about an ex that he used to date, and he even told me how hot her body was, but that I had a prettier face (Wtf?). He started bringing her up more and more, and even saying that they hung out. I found that to be a bit disturbing, and the night before we had a big dance to go to for the Airforce ROTC, the MilBall my suspicions went into overdrive. I was really excited about the dance because I hadn’t been to a fancy dance since Prom. Also, the boys had ordered a limousine and it would be my first time riding in one.

The eve of the ball, I wanted to see Cheater, but he said he was busy and was going to spend the evening at his dad’s house, a few towns away. He said he’d call me when he got home, but he never did. I ended up calling him close to midnight, but there was no answer. I thought it was weird, but I tried not to think about it. That morning I decided to go over to his house on my way to pick up my dress from the tailor. I was so excited about the dress, this gorgeous blue number I had specially tailored to fit just right. As I was driving to his house, I had the strangest vision. I know, a vision sounds random, but I swear to you, it happened. Call it a vision, premonition, whatever it was. I was turning onto his block, and I had this image pop into my head of opening the door to his room and finding a girl asleep in his bed. I shook my head and laughed at my own insecurity, and drove up to his apartment. There was a strange car parked nearby that I didn’t recognize, and at first I thought nothing of it. I knocked, and there was no answer, yet Cheater Guy’s car was outside.

I knew where the spare key was, and I went ahead and opened the door, and decided to jump into bed with him for a quick snuggle before going to the tailor. Cheater was at the top of the steps as I walked in, and he looked really nervous. Instead of asking me to come upstairs, he came down to the couch. I asked him why he didn’t answer his phone the night before and he mumbled that he left it downstairs. Then I asked him who’s car was outside, and he just shrugged but wouldn’t look me in the eye. I told him I was going to go upstairs to the bathroom, and he just looked at me, knowing that I was headed for his room. I opened the door with shaky hands, and it was exactly what I saw in my premonition. There she was, his ex, asleep on my side of the bed.

I couldn’t even breathe I was so angry. A million things went through my head, and one of them was, what the hell am I doing with this guy? I stormed downstairs and started yelling at him. Then I asked him to bring her downstairs. She was so arrogant and haughty with me, acting as if it were perfectly normal that she spent the night in his bed. She told me that nothing had happened, and then she went on to say that it was just “the way he was” and that I should get used to it. I told her she should leave before I hit her. I said it quietly and calmly, and for anyone who knows me well enough, when I get quiet, that is when I’m really pissed.

After that all the fight went out of me. I told Cheater that even if nothing happened (yeah right) that if his ex was to spend the night she could have slept on the couch. Moreover, he should have told me, discussed it with me. He said she’d been drinking and he was walking distance from the bars. I know she wasn’t out alone, and I know she could have gotten a ride home. I had given him plenty of chances to confess, but he didn’t. He just kept denying that he had cheated, and said that I was being paranoid, and he knew I was freaking out over nothing.

Don’t ask my why I did what I did next, but I stayed with him. I went ahead and went to the dance, because I’d already spent the money on the dress. He showed up at my house with a huge bouquet of flowers to apologize, and he spent the entire night kissing my ass. We hosted the after party at my house, where I immediately started drinking and spent the whole night ignoring him. My roommate was begging me to break it off with him, and was amazed as to why I bothered with such a scumbag. I proceeded to get blackout drunk, and Cheater told me in the morning I yelled at him all night long and made him sleep on the floor. At least he suffered. 😉

We broke up shortly after that, because I knew I could never trust him, but the slimeball weaseled his way back in. We ended up dating for Valentine’s Day, where he took me to a nice dinner, and we actually had a great time. When the check came, he looked at me. He said he didn’t have any money, after he’d bought me flowers and an annoying singing bear. I sat there open mouthed and slammed my credit card on the table. Valentine’s Day officially ruined. We came back to my place wordlessly, and he didn’t get any nookie that night. Later that month, I was on his computer working on homework when a female friend of his signed onto his messenger and started messaging him. She told him she wanted to spend another evening together cuddling like they did the other night.

I’m not proud of snooping, but after reading that message, I just had to know. I looked through his messenger logs, and not only did he spend an evening with her while we were together, they cuddled half naked in her bed, watching movies. I looked further, and the bastard had pictures of her in a bikini and in her bra and undies saved on his computer. I could see when they were saved, and it was definitely during the time we were a couple.

I had it after that, finally, after all the cheating I was done. He took the breakup pretty hard, considering the other girls he had in his life to keep him company. One night, maybe a week after we broke up, he showed up outside my window late at night, throwing rocks and yelling for me. He said he was going to sing to me until I let him come inside. I asked him what our song was, and he started singing, “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” which was definitely nowhere close to our song. But the words had a point and I said “yup, I’ve definitely lost it.”

We had never exchanged I love yous, I was never all that into him, but something kept me with Cheater Guy all that time, despite the way he treated me. I’m still not sure why he had such a hold on me, but I think it just must have been a lack of respect for myself. Isn’t that why most women stay with sleazy men? Because we think for some reason that’s what we deserve?

I ran into Cheater back in May of this year, and you wouldn’t believe it. He started hitting on me! I was so disgusted. Not only did he have a girlfriend, but he informed me that he was going to propose, and then he started telling me how hot I looked, and how happy he was to see me. Then he said, “My girlfriend is giving me the night off, and said I can sleep with whoever I want to, so what do you say?” As if I would just go, “Oh, you want to treat me like a whore for the night? Sure, let’s go!” I shook my head and told him he hadn’t changed a bit. And I turned around and walked away.



    You are right they never change! Also love the blog!


    Funny story, yeah, the cheater theory is true… bad habit to break!


    I was reading a blog about a similar topic, do people ever change? I think if they don’t do it for themselves it’s very hard to change. People just don’t do it for anyone else unless it’s really important to them (like to save marriage for example). In this case, I think that what he has going on for him, works for him. So until he wants to settle down and get married (which may never happen), he won’t change his ways. He may not even change for marriage. I think this is true for anything a person needs to change. They have to want to do it because if they want to do what they’ve been doing more, they’ll never completely change. He’s a still a pig and may always be one. Godo thing you dodged that bullet!

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