Punch to the Emotional Gut

Samantha: Well, let’s just say it: you won.
Carrie: Was there a contest?
Samantha: Oh please! There’s always a contest with an ex. It’s called “who will die miserable.” –Sex and the City

I swear that the exes in our lives have a special kind of radar. They know when we’re happy, and some sort of alarm goes off in their heads, and they turn up, they call, they come back into the picture just when we we started to settle into happiness.

Sunday morning I was woken up to the shrill sound of my cell phone, and an unknown number calling me. I answered in a groggy voice, and a familiar voice was on the other end, that I couldn’t quite place. I asked who it was, and when he answered, all of the sleepy fog vanished and I was wide awake. It was Coast Guard Guy. I couldn’t believe it. This is a man I hadn’t spoken to or heard from in six months. This was a man who came into and out of my life and punched me in my emotional gut so hard it took a few months to get my breath back.

Before I say more about the phone call, let me go back and tell you the gut wrenching story that is Coast Guard Guy. It all started as a rebound, and I was in no way ready to date. I had just broken up with Crazy Guy, who is a story for another time. Coast Guard Guy worked in the same building as me, and sometimes we’d go to lunch together. He was nice, but he was kind of pushy and I was wary. Still, I was lonely, and pretty broken up over the trauma of Crazy Guy. I caved when CG asked to come over and watch movies with me, to cheer me up. He was sweet, and he distracted me from myself. He was leaving for boot camp in two weeks, so I wouldn’t allow myself to get close. As I said though, this guy was pushy. He convinced me that I should date him, and right before he left we started hanging out every night. He was comforting and he was attentive and I hadn’t had that in a really long time. I ignored my gut instinct and I fell for him.

While he was in boot, I wrote him letters every day, and I fell in love with the idea of this guy. He asked me to come out to his graduation, so on a whim, I flew all the way across the country with his mother to see him in New Jersey. The one good thing that came out of that trip was meeting Coast Sister. Her husband was in boot camp with CG and it brought us together. We talked on the phone all the time, and we met in New Jersey. She was definitely like the sister I never had, and I can say I don’t regret dating Coast Guard Guy because I never would have met her. But I digress…back to the gut wrenching part.

First of all, once I got out to New Jersey, CG’s mom told me it was too bad that she liked me. When I asked her why she said it was because she knew her son and knew he’d break up with me. It was perhaps the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me. I was shocked! When CG finally met up with us, after graduation, he was acting really weird towards me. He was standoffish, and he had this cold look in his eyes. I tried to play it off that it was just the stress of boot camp that caused him to act like that. We got home after the longest flight in history, and we were finally alone and away from his terrible mother. She spent the whole trip quietly criticizing me and everything I did or said. CG didn’t even attempt to defend me.

Before CG had left for boot camp, I decided I didn’t want to sleep with him. I didn’t know if we’d stay exclusive for those 8 weeks, and I just wanted to wait. As time progressed, he started calling me his girl in his letters, and saying he was falling in love with me. I of course fell for it, and the second we were home, I gave in. We spent two nights together, and then he ditched me for his friends. I tried to be understanding because he just got home, but after all the I love you this and you mean the world to me that, I thought he’d at least want to bring me out to meet his friends. He’d had horrible orders to be stationed in Guam in two weeks, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. He didn’t introduce me to his friends, and he’d just show up at my house at midnight and want sex. Where was this sweet boy from before? He had changed into a chauvinistic pig; just a stereotypical military man.

About two nights into this behavior I started wondering what was up and I asked him about it. Then he started saying how long distance didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore, and we should probably break up when he left for Guam. I was disappointed but I agreed it would be for the best. He said he still wanted to see me as much as possible and then he invited me to go to a friend’s cocktail party with him. I got excited because I thought it’d be a nice way to end our little romance. I left him at the house to sleep in and I took off to the store to buy things for dinner. I decided I was going to cook him a really nice meal, and I got all carried away getting groceries. When I got home there was a letter on my counter, and all of the Christmas presents I had bought him. He told me he just needed to be selfish right now, and that we were moving too fast and he wasn’t ready. He said he was sorry but he didn’t want to speak to me every again, not even on the phone. That was it. No phone call, no nothing. He just dumped me. This was after begging me to date him, and insisting we be exclusive once he was in boot camp. He was so persistent and when I finally let my guard down he broke me.

So needless to say I was less than thrilled when 6 months later, after not hearing one word from this man, I get a phone call at 6am and he acts like nothing happened. I wanted to scream into the phone fuck you I’m finally happy, leave me be! I wanted to tell him what a horrible person he was. Instead I was nice, and I let him talk. I guess I figured I could do more damage by showing him how he didn’t break me, and that I’m so much better off. He said he’s coming home July 8th and he wants to get together for coffee and to make amends. I asked what his motivation was, and he said he felt bad about everything and he wanted to talk. I said maybe and that was that.
We’ll see what happens when the day gets closer. I am so happy with Match, and I just don’t see myself seeing him. On the other hand, meeting up with him and letting him see how much Match Guy makes me glow might just be the best revenge.


    Mama Drama

    What nerve!!?? The mother effer!! 😛

    Brittany E.

    This is the number on reason I hate guys! They can’t just let you be. What he did was a lot worse than the whole breaking up with someone on a post it (that just happens to me my favorite SATC episode!) Oh well, who whats THAT for a mother-in-law anyway?


    OMG! It’s not my exact story but close enough! I can’t believe how some of your recent experiences resonate w/ me. I’m currently dealing w/ a rebound who happens to be a military man…who is leaving this week for deployment…I won’t get into the whole drama in your comments but I wanted to say “I’M WITH YOU!”

    I’m waiting for 6 months to go by until I get an email saying that “he’s sorry for the way he’s treated me the past 6 weeks and will I forgive him…” I have a feeling I will be getting a similar contact as you have…

    Well, thank goodness when the call came through you had the glow of Match guy as your forcefield!! LOL! 🙂


    Wow, so I just started reading your blog today and I’m like a nerd responding to your postings. I feel like screaming, No f*ing way! This story is a lot like what I am going through right now. I live in D.C., guy lives in Boston. Convinces, begs me to date him and that the distance will not be an issue. I start falling for him, yadda yadda. I tell him we shouldn’t sleep together until we know we want to see this through. And we decide we do. And then three days ago, on my second day in Boston visting him of a four day trip, sitting in a beautiful park, he says “I don’t think I can do this anymore, I feel like you like me way more than I like you. And when you are here I just realize how much I miss you and I don’t think long distance is possible.”
    I could have reached over and strangled that mo-fo. Awesome, way to tell me what I was feeling four months ago. But I f*ing let him convince me and thought I was so cool for letting my guard down and believing in something contrary to what I might usually believe. But it sucks when you realize you let your guard down to an emotional toddler. “You like me more than I like you”? Should I f*ing check yes or no?
    Anyway, I’ve been pretty sad about this (Especially since he reatracted what he said and we “made up”, though I’m even more aware that its over, if that makes sense?) and I’ve been in tears since returning. Maybe not over him, but over the audacity of it all. And I was taking it so personally until I read your blog.
    Who are these men? I’m sorry you had to experience that, but I’m so glad you wrote about it on your blog. I just feel like I can breathe again, because its not personal, sometimes men are just assholes!
    So thanks for the smile and the inspiration.

    Date Girl

    Wow, it is nice to know I’m not the only one who has gone through this! I knew I had to share this with you guys, I was so appalled at the nerve of him to call me like nothing had happened.

    Mama Drama- WORD!

    Brittany-man why didn’t I think of that quote? That would have been much better! 🙂

    BreatheWithMe-stay strong! Don’t cave, you can do better than a man who doesn’t recognize what he has when he has it. Don’t fall for the call!

    Elena-I’m so sorry that happened to you. All I can say is have faith. Read my blog, read my blog roll, we’ve all been there, and there is hope. Match has renewed my faith that there are decent men out there. It is NOT you. He was just the secondary character. Your leading man is still out there. 🙂

    Ava Mazur

    Dont do it! Weezles like CG just like to keep you on a string. Personally I would just say no amends is needed. I am thankful that things turned out the way I did and I’m happy I hope you are too.

    Don’t play with fire enjoy Match enjoy life.


    I’m hoping that the exes’ radar doesn’t include knowing when we gained weight – I’m going back home on vacation and I’m really not in the mood to play “who looks better after all these years”!


    As the Queen of getting back together with the Ex’s… trust me you don’t want to do coffee! Because no matter how happy you are in your relationship that coffee will put him back in your mind… and as soon as you start hitting snags he will start to look better!

    And it will also kill him a lot more for you to just say no 🙂


    lol.. this is the story of my life… rt when your over it. they pop back up just to ruin things


    Do a “Samantha”, and dump a glass of martini over his head with the immortal words: “Dirty martini, dirty bastard.” 🙂

    Damn, I’ve always wanted to do that, but never have the opportunity! Well, now you do, so go for it! 😉

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