Ignoring Things to Save the Friendship

Ted: Clearly, we need to ignore this.
Robin: Clearly, we need to talk about this.
Ted & Robin: You know, to save the friendship. –How I Met Your Mother

Friday night I was sitting at home feeling bored and alone and The Enabler called. He convinced me that I should come to his town and hang out with him and The Mistake. I decided I had to see The Mistake sometime, since I hadn’t so much as talked to him since our horribly awkward night together. I felt terrible because the Mistake kept bringing up my house, or mentioning how we’d hung out every chance we got. Then he asked what I was doing Saturday night and I mumbled some really bad excuse and made my escape as soon as I could. I felt so bad, but I couldn’t believe he’d actually had fun that night. I mean, he was there too, he had to remember how bad the sex was. Right?

Saturday night I made up my mind to have a good time. I decided I was going to continue my plan of not looking for guys, and just have fun with the friends I was with. My little brother was in town so I went to hang with him and his buddies, which pretty much guaranteed I wouldn’t be flirting with anyone. We had a nice night; drank a few beers and played Trivial Pursuit at a bar downtown. Birthday Twin called and I could tell he was having a bad night with his anxiety. He wanted to come over, but I was out. I invited him out with us, but like I’d been on Wednesday, he just wanted to be with one person. I told him maybe we could hang out later, but I didn’t want to ditch my brother. He completely understood, and he reminded me that we had plans to go to the beach Sunday. So I felt like I’d made the right choice, and I had a lot of fun hanging out with my brother. Then all of a sudden my little brother’s ride told him they were leaving and everyone just ditched me, and it was only 11. I called Birthday Twin back, and I asked him if he still wanted to come over and he said of course, so I swung by his house and picked him up.

We got home and I decided I needed another beer. I got myself a nice little buzz and BT and I found a ridiculously cheesy soft core fake porn on tv. You know the kind where they show just boobs and the dialogue is terrible? We laughed at it, but at the same time I could tell we were both getting excited. He made a not so sly excuse about being tired and we practically ran to bed. Afterwards he kind of got embarrassed and said he was sorry because we weren’t supposed to do that. I told him it’s ok if we’re buzzed, and I much rather do things with him than with anyone else when I’m in the mood. I know I can’t keep him, but it’s still nice when I get him from time time. I think it’s an unspoken agreement that we’re going to try to avoid sleeping with each other. But when we have slip ups, it’s nice to know that we have each other to screw up with instead of some stranger that we don’t care about.

This morning was my favorite day I’ve had with Birthday Twin. We woke up and he asked me if we could go to church. I was amazed because I never would have expected him to want to go. He said he thought it would help his anxiety. We had a really nice time, and it felt nice to have him stand beside me while we sang. Afterwards we got the dog and headed to the beach. We went all out. We packed sandwiches, had a blanket, the works. The beach was incredibly windy but it was all the more reason to cuddle together. We ended up taking a nap right there on the blanket in the sand, BT had his arms around me and the dog. I didn’t really sleep, I was basking in that place in between sleep and awake where I was so incredibly happy.

I’m finding that I’m really thankful that Birthday Twin has his anxiety and his flakiness because otherwise I would have a hard time remembering I can’t keep him. But even though I know these days will end, life is short and I’m not going to miss out on time together. I will try hard not to repeat the sex blunder but spending time with BT just feels right. I’ve done a bad job of not listening to my gut in the past, and right now my gut instincts are telling me that this guy is in my life for a reason, even if it’s not in a romantic sense. He’s a great friend and he’s always there when I need him. I’m not cutting myself off from the rest of the world, I’m just enjoying this while it lasts.



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