Alone in a Crowd

Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. “No man is an island entire unto himself.” Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we’re not alone. Someone to play with or run around with, or just hang out.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

Last night I was having what I like to call Isolation Anxiety. The idea of being home alone filled me with panic and I couldn’t stand it. I tried going to karaoke, but even on the way I could tell it wasn’t going to help. I wanted to just hang out with one friend and talk and have a low key night. What I wanted was to hang out with Birthday Twin. I called up Personality Twin and told her how much I missed her and we bitched about the unfairness of life until I got to my karaoke spot. I walked in and immediately started having trouble breathing. Sometimes the problem with going out alone is even though you’re surrounded by people, you can still feel completely alone. Just as I walked up to the Karaoke Jockey to sign in my phone rang and it was Birthday Twin. As he has done so many times he read my mind.

He immediately asked me what was wrong and I told him I wasn’t doing so good. He invited me over, and of course I happily went. I called up Personality Twin and had her give me a pep talk about staying strong to my no sex rule. I got to BT’s house and we cozied up on the couch like always. When we went to bed we realized we were playing with fire big time. At one point when we were cuddling he said, “This is so damn hard! Why are we doing this?” I just laughed and tickled him and told him to chill out. I felt bad because I was so tempted too, but I just knew we needed a night where nothing happened. As we finally drifted off to sleep, spooned up together, I asked Birthday Twin if he was tired. He laughed and said “No, but I’m really happy.” I know I’m playing with fire here, but he was just what I needed and I’m so thankful he is my friend.

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