The Reason I Don’t Trust Men

Sometimes, it’s not until a storm comes that things get unearthed. We get to see what’s underneath. The dark secrets and the truths that in the light of day we keep hidden. for some, the truth will make them feel closer. For others, it will make them more alone. Pain will get uprooted. some pain still too deep to be seen by human eyes. But in time, as we replant ourselves, we will be thankful. Because, like the roots of a tree, it is what lies beneath that allows us to grow. together or apart. -Marin, Men in Trees

I haven’t written much in this blog about my past. Some of my readers might have picked up on the fact that I’ve been burned in my past, scalded even. My most recent ex was someone who I had an amicable breakup with, where he just wasn’t ready to date. I could understand that completely, and I had no hard feelings. I honestly wished him well, and thought that maybe one day, when his life was back on track, we’d have another chance. We stayed friends, and we’ve talked several times since the breakup. I thought, now here is a guy I didn’t waste my time on. I gave him a chance, and it just didn’t work out, but he isn’t a bad person. Then I found out about her.

I was out last night with Personality Twin having a blast dancing and singing it up at karaoke. Birthday Twin called me and wanted me to come to his town and party, but I was having a girls night. He was eager to see me, so we made plans for Friday night. It felt good to tell him no and to make plans on my terms. Then I got a text message from a friend from back home. She told me some news about Unemployed Guy. Turns out he is dating a girl and she’s pregnant. I did the math and it was definitely during the time we dated. I was stunned. I just stared at the phone in shock. First over the fact that he was in another relationship, and then the word pregnant. Pregnant?? And apparently they’d been together the whole time we were together. It makes sense because we had a long distance thing, but i was planning to move there. He was a state away, but we made it work. We saw each other a few times each month, and I shelled out big bucks to see him.

As I sat there open mouthed I became numb. It cemented my feelings about relationships and why I’m so nervous to let myself fall again. I have a great thing going on with Birthday Twin, where I’m not fully invested but we have fun together. And with Potential Guy, I like the dates and getting to know each other, but I’m going to make that go even slower. I will say that it makes me appreciate PG’s honesty even more. He never had to tell me about his feelings for Married Woman, but he was open from the start. Still, I’m approaching with caution. I’m not sure I can trust men anymore. I didn’t really trust them for a long time, and this new revelation is all the more reason not to.

I called Birthday Twin back and asked him if his offer to hang out was still valid. He said hell yeah and I headed over. We met up in his town and went dancing. He bought me my favorite drink, Bailey’s on the rocks and we hit the dance floor. Friend Zone came out with us, and we had so much fun dancing the night away. I didn’t think that BT would be at all affectionate in public but he surprised me. He pulled me into his arms and we started moving to the music. I told him what happened with the ex and he said you’re so much better than that. Look at your life now! You’ve got it all. I smiled and said yeah, and no boyfriend. It was funny; I thought he’d want to act single when we were out, but he held my hand and when I’d walk away he’d ask where I was going all concerned. It felt good. We ended up back at his house shortly after because the dancing was starting to feel like foreplay. 😉 We had one of the most incredible nights together and I slept so well in his arms. I woke up happy and I appreciate that I have this good friend in my life. I won’t let my walls down completely with him, but I can be a little less guarded. It’s good to know that despite everything, there are decent guys in this world.

One Comment

    Candy Girl

    There ARE decent guys out there! Sometimes it’s so hard to remember that. I can totally relate to your story. I found out, when I ran into a mutual friend at a club, that my ex of 4 years was marrying the girl he met three days after we broke up! Ironically enough, Britney Spears’ “Toxic” was playing at the time. I was sick for months, maybe years even, but I didn’t give up and neither should you. I’ve since met some wonderful guys. Yes, some not so wonderful ones, too, but you’ve got to take the good with the bad. I love reading your blog!

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