That Safe Feeling

And it’s not about the sex. It’s not… about the sex. It’s about that moment afterward… when the world stops. It just feels so safe, so safe. I’m not ready to give that up.-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

My anxiety was getting worse the longer the Potential Guy went without contacting me. I know it’s kind of lame, but I think most girls out there can agree with me that post coitus we need to hear something from the guy. I mean, he could have at least texted me that he was busy, just…something. So there I was filled with self doubt and stressing. Then Birthday Twin called me and said a few words that always cheer me up: “Are you coming over or what?”

We had one of those really fun laid back, pretty random nights together, much like it always is with BT. The highlight of the evening was when he played the guitar for me. I love to sing, and he is getting into playing, and we want to start making it a regular thing. I can’t tell you how great it was to sit next to him singing American Pie. I’m so comfortable around him, I don’t worry about how I look or how I sound, I’m just…me.

We went to bed that night and I didn’t really have any intention of hooking up; we just kind of fell into each other, like magnets. We talked about his College Girl and he said he’s not normally the type to date more than one girl, and even though they are dating other people, and him and I have an understanding, he said he felt bad. I understood, and I was shocked to discover I had a lump in my throat. I told him I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want something more with us, but I also loved how close we were getting and I didn’t want to ruin it. I said that I’m a great catch, and I shouldn’t ever have to convince a guy to choose me, he should just know. I came off sounding much more confident than I felt, but I was trying to put on a strong face. That’s the funny thing about Birthday Twins though, they can see through the white lies. He scooped me up in his arms and held me tight. He said I was amazing, and sexy and he loved how well we got along. We started to fall asleep but before I knew it he was kissing me. After a mind blowing session, I looked at him and said, “Wait, what was that? I thought we weren’t going to do that anymore?” He grinned at me and said, “What can I say? You’re irresistible!” I couldn’t help feeling turmoil though, at these new feelings I was starting to get. It worries me because I like what we have. We have this great friendship, and I know he’s wrapped up in other things. Truth be told so am I. I still would really like to see things work with PG, and I haven’t completely given up on him, though I am discouraged.

I told BT to promise me that no matter what happened with us, we’d still be friends. As I closed my eyes and started drifting off to sleep, he kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “always”.

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    The Date Girl Diaries » Blog Archive » A Night Out With My Past

    […] the first time in over a year. For those of you who don’t remember or know the story of  BT, here is some […]

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