Friendship between a man and a woman is complicated, especially if they’ve shared something more. There are times when love can be stronger and even more rewarding if it’s built on the foundation of a really great friendship. But wherever it’s headed, wherever it’s been, being just friends doesn’t have to mean settling for something less. Sometimes it can be the brass ring afterall.-Marin, Men in Trees
So after spending a wonderful Saturday and some of Sunday together with the Potential Guy, I met up with one of my best girlfriends, who I like to call my Reality Check because she always gives me the pessimistic, non-rose colored version of what is going on in my life. I told her the story of what happened with PG, and she said that he is just getting the best of both worlds, and he is in no way accountable. It was as if she took my happy little bubble and stabbed it with an industrial sized needle. I came home and started to really think, and overthink. I started to worry about all the promises I’d made to myself about being single and happy. I worried about falling for PG and about getting hurt. I worried that she was completely right and that he was just having his cake and eating it too. And in this mist of all this worry, I started to get anxious. For the first time in months, I started having a mini panic attack. It was minor, but I knew it was one of those nights I just couldn’t be alone. So I called the first person I thought of, the person who would know exactly what I was going through, Birthday Twin.
After talking to me and calming me down for a bit, he read my mind. This is becoming something of a habit with the two of us, being twins and all 😉 He asked me if I wanted him to come over, and I said I could really use a friend. He showed up armed with mint tea, my favorite remedy for a cranky tummy. We snuggled up together on my lovesack (a dirty sounding word, it’s actually a giant beanbag type chair that has a cover called puppy fur. Yes it is luxuriously cozy.) We curled up together and we started talking. I talked to him about all the anxiety I was feeling about PG. I told him how I regretted sleeping with PG and I couldn’t believe I let myself do that. BT teased me a bit, and made a couple of jabs at my libido, but he smiled and said that it was ok, and that he didn’t think badly of me. He said something rather profound. He said, “This is what we’re supposed to be doing right now. This is what being in your twenties is all about. We’re dating people, and seeing how they work and we’ve got a little drama and excitement in our lives. Who doesn’t want a little dram and excitement right now?”
I liked his outlook, and I especially liked that he didn’t judge me for what I considered wayward behavior. That’s the funny thing about BT. He’s technically the “other guy” but I can still talk to him about PG. He doesn’t seem to mind, because he has College Girl. He said we’re mirror images of one another, both with parallel issues. He said that he sometimes feels bad because we have these other people in our lives, but we’re not committed to them. We talked a bit more about our cross country road trip, and about hanging out more often. He asked if it was ok that he spend the night, and he asked if I was comfortable with it, or if he should sleep on the couch. I like that he respects me enough to ask those kinds of questions. I said I wanted to sleep next to him, because I loved cuddling. We kissed on the cheek and then fell asleep spooning. It meant so much to me that we could hang out and not hook up, because last night I just needed my friend BT, not my sex buddy. I think he was in a similar frame of mind, because he told me he feels really comfortable at my place. He said he loves that he has someone he can come to who knows exactly what he is going through, and will listen and say all the right things. I like that I am building this foundation with this male version of myself, without all the scariness that comes along with a romantic relationship. It’s funny how a relationship that started with flirting and a random hookup has developed into a great friendship. I think sometimes friendship rather than romantic relationship really is first prize.