The good news and bad news about chemistry is that we’ll never fully understand how it works. Every relationship is an experiment; you never know exactly what you’ll get. Some people bring out a side of you that you didn’t know you had. Some people remind you that your story isn’t over. Some people surprise you. And once in a while, you surprise yourself. And, although all relationships require compromise, sometimes you get more, not less. And sometimes, you can’t get more. Sometimes what you had is gone forever. And, although it’s painful, you have to find the strength to go on, to keep searching for the love, for that one perfect ingredient. No matter how far or how deep you have to go to find it. -Marin, Men in Trees
After an excruciating couple of days, I finally got a call from The Potential Guy. He called on Wednesday and suggested a coffee date for Thursday. He was as bubbly and happy as ever, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. That feeling got stronger when he suggested we meet there. Up till yesterday he had picked me up for each date. Then he texted me instead of calling to confirm our date plans. I kept trying to convince myself that I condemn guys before they even commit the crime, and the doubts were all in my head, yet all day I couldn’t shake that feeling.
We met up, and he looked as handsome as ever. We had one of those conversations where we each shared our broken heart story. I thought it was a good sign, we were talking about deeper issues, we were opening up to one another. Showing that vulnerable side, no matter how brief the moment, can really change the nature of a relationship. After coffee, we took a walk downtown. It was cold out, and I grabbed his hand and we walked together arm in arm. It seemed right, and I could feel the chemistry between us. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but something stopped me. It was cold out, so I asked if he wanted to go back to my place. He declined and suggested we sit in my car for a minute. That was when he dropped the bomb on me. He told me that he wasn’t ready to take what we had to the next level. He said that he really cared about me, and he was amazed by how easily we got along, how much we had in common, etcetera. He told me that he’s in love with a woman he can never have, and he’s desperately trying to move on. He said it wasn’t fair to start up something with me when his heart was tied up in someone else.
The thing is for as sad as those words were, and how disappointing, I was also relieved. I was scared and I wasn’t sure I was ready. It also showed me how great this guy is. He had the respect to talk to me about these feelings, instead of leading me on. We both agreed that we’re pretty right for each other, and that it’s a frustrating thing. He is a bit confusing though, because even after that talk, he still made plans with me for Saturday. He’s going to come over and cook me dinner. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m glad we’re going to still hang out and get to know each other. Part of me wasn’t ready to commit, wasn’t quite ready to truly fall for someone and put myself out there. I was part disappointed and partly relieved. Now I can get to know him without all the pressures and expectations that come along with dating someone new.
Here’s a twist to this little story. Birthday Twin called me not 5 minutes after The Potential Guy got out of the car. He said he’d been thinking about me all week, and was wondering how I was doing. I told him about what happened with PG, and he said some motivating words. He said that maybe PG would come around, given time, and that it was a very good sign that he was so honest with me. He also said it was good news for him, because he had a blast with me, and wants to see me again. To his credit, he said he loved spending time together as friends as much as he enjoyed the benefits that have come along with our little agreement. He said he’d love to hang out with me Friday and just relax together. I think there is something to be said for this Birthday Twin stuff, because it’s like he knew exactly what I needed at that moment. I’m looking forward to tonight, and just hanging out with a friend where nothing is expected of either of us. I think BT is here to remind me that my story isn’t over. Not by a long shot.