A Good Game of Racquetball

Monica: So, can we still be friends and have sex?
Richard: Sure, it’ll just be something we do together, like racquetball. -Friends

I was pretty smiley all day Thursday after my date with PG, but I was trying to snap out of it. I was freaked out about liking someone too soon, and about getting attached. So I went over to Friend Zone and Birthday Twin’s house and made the boys dinner. It was good to be distracted, because already I was hoping Potential would call me. Birthday Twin gave me a backrub and I attempted to put Potential out of my mind. Friend Zone had told me in an earlier phone conversation that it was ok to date Birthday Twin if I wanted. He said he could tell there was chemistry between us, and he wouldn’t stop it. I thought that was big of him, but I couldn’t help feeling a little bad. I didn’t intend to do anything with BT, but the wine went to my head. One minute we were relaxing and talking, the next thing I knew we were in his room kissing and cuddling.

We talked about Potential, and he talked about his own potential lady, I call her College Girl. She’s got all these degrees and is pretty smart. He told her he wasn’t exclusive, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to commit. So there we were, both dealing with these people we weren’t sure about. It seemed natural to turn to each other. Two people who have a lot in common, and understand the dilemma of putting yourself out there, taking that risk to be hurt. WIth BT, I didn’t have to worry that I’d hurt him, or that he’d hurt me. We had an understanding. We were going to be friends that had sex. Right…

This morning I feel horrible. I went to work after 3 hours of sleep with a hangover and a guilty conscious. I know that I didn’t technically do anything wrong. I’m not committed to Potential, and I can date whomever I please. I just didn’t like the feeling of hooking up without feelings being involved. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but there is something to be said about getting to know someone and dating them. What I did with BT felt empty. I think he was feeling the same way I was because we both kind of looked at each other this morning and it was like, oh crap, that was a bad idea. I think I’m going to move forward casually with Potential, but I don’t plan on hooking up with anyone until I figure out what I want out of PG. I don’t think I’m the kind of girl who can randomly play the field, but I still want to keep my options open. If for no other reason than to not get hurt.

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